Empty Joy 10: Chapter 10
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墨書 Inktalez
After my sister's death, I was deeply shaken, and my heart was plagued by guilt and unease, leading to illness. 0
 
I locked away my memories, creating a false narrative in my mind, shifting all the blame onto Lin Fengyi. Over the years, he endured my hatred and torment repeatedly; how much agony must that have caused him? 0
 
“Chang Huan, what are you talking about? It’s my fault; I betrayed Man Li, and that’s why she took her own life! It’s my mistake, not yours!” 0
 
Lin Fengyi pressed my hand against his cheek, trying to take all the blame upon himself. But I remembered everything; I could no longer pretend to be confused or continue to evade the truth while hurting him again. 0
 
“It’s late; aren’t you going back to your wife? She must be upset with you!” I gazed out the window into the deep night, murmuring this line. 0
 
I understood in my heart that I could no longer burden him or let him worry about me. 0
 
“Chang Huan, it’s not like that. I married her out of necessity. On the day we went to pay respects to Man Li, Cheng Ruoyao peeked at my journal. She learned everything and blackmailed me into marrying her. Chang Huan, I can’t let you remember these things; I can’t let you suffer again. I’m already a sinner for hurting you sisters, so I agreed!” 0
 
Lin Fengyi hung his head, looking like a helpless child in despair, tears glistening in his eyes. 0
 
This man had done so much for me, yet I had shown no gratitude and continued to hate him. This made me feel even more ashamed; I wished I could just disappear into a crack in the ground. 0
 
“Fengyi, there are so many matters in the guild; you should go handle them! I want to sleep for a while. Maybe when I wake up, I’ll have forgotten everything. Just remember to wake me!” I forced a faint smile, as if comforting him and myself at once, then gently patted the back of his hand. 0
 
He looked at me with uncertainty. After a long moment, seeing me close my eyes and breathe steadily as if truly asleep, he carefully opened the door and stepped out, gently closing it behind him as if afraid to disturb me. 0
 
Fengyi, I'm sorry—there's no forgiveness for either you or my sister. Slowly, I pulled out the IV needle from my hand, staring at the thin needle with mixed emotions. Then, gritting my teeth, I made a deep cut on my wrist. Instantly, bright red blood gushed forth. 0
 
 
Memories of the past gradually surfaced in my mind, and every fragment related to you was beautiful. Fengyi, let everything fade away with my departure! In this lifetime, all you need to remember is that I loved you! 0
 
I didn't know if I was guilty beyond redemption; even in my desire to atone with death, fate refused to grant me that wish. 0
 
When I woke up, I was still in this stark white hospital room, filled with the scent of disinfectant. 0
 
I saw Lin Fengyi leaning over my bedside, his brow furrowed as if he were still worried about me. I reached out my hand, wanting to smooth away the creases on his forehead, but he suddenly jolted awake. 0
 
His eyes were red and swollen, as if he had just been crying. His face was pale, clearly angry with me. "Chang Huan, how can you not cherish yourself? Surely Man Li has forgiven you in heaven; after all, you are her sister. By doing this now, aren’t you just making her sad?" 0
 
"Fengyi, I'm not as good as you think. I don't deserve your kindness." I avoided his gaze, tears streaming down uncontrollably. "On your birthday, I intentionally let my sister see that scene. She has always had everything she wanted since we were young, while I am just a lowly illegitimate daughter living under someone else's roof, constantly watching others' faces to survive and occasionally enduring the lady's beatings. If it weren't for our family's downfall, she would still be a proud young lady. I was jealous of her and wanted to take away the one she loved. Fengyi, in truth, I never loved you." 0
 
I recounted the "truth" with a calm demeanor, masking my sorrow on the surface while my eyes betrayed me with their redness. 0
 
Watching his expression darken further made my heart ache unexpectedly; the last impression I left him must have been terrible! 0
 
But Zhen Changhuan, isn't this exactly what you wanted? 0
 
 
 
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