“Jing Jing, this money is from me and your brother. Just take it,” Er Ge said.
“Er Ge, I can’t accept it. You both have it tough,” I replied, holding the money my brothers had given me.
He hurriedly shoved the money into my hands and walked away, leaving us feeling like distant relatives—awkward and unfamiliar.
At my wedding, each of my brothers had given me two hundred yuan, as if that had severed our familial bond. For the next ten years, we acted like strangers, exchanging polite nods when we met but remaining emotionally distant.
On the day I returned to my parents' home, my husband and I took all our belongings, which amounted to just a small bag. My presence in that house had been hastily erased; new tenants were waiting to move in. It was best for me to leave quickly. In the days that followed, returning to my family felt like stepping into a tourist attraction that required an entrance fee—though the scenery was far from pleasant.
When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I hesitated because my firstborn was only a year old.
“Maybe we should just terminate this pregnancy; it’s come at such an inconvenient time. My husband is busy every day, and my in-laws won’t help with the child,” I said.
“Since you’re already pregnant, you should go ahead and have the baby. I’ll help take care of you. When you’re in confinement, I’ll be there to look after you. The two kids can grow up together; it’s not a problem,” my mother reassured me.
“What do my brother and sister-in-law think about this?” I asked anxiously.
“What do they need to agree on? I can handle this myself,” Mother said firmly.
“Alright then, Mom. You have to come when the time comes; I’ll pay you,” I insisted.
“If you don’t want to come, I’ll hire a nanny. Whether the money goes to someone else or to family doesn’t make a difference; it’s better spent on family,” she replied.
“The baby in your belly isn’t developing well; there’s a risk of miscarriage at any moment. It’s best if you stay in the hospital,” the doctor told me when I was seven months pregnant.
“Staying in the hospital just means getting IV nutrition; it won’t improve the situation.”
Afterward, my husband hurriedly brought Mother over. Given our financial strain, we didn’t choose to stay in the hospital.
Mother stayed for ten days total—she washed vegetables while I cooked, she washed dishes while I cleaned. With the baby at home, I couldn’t go out, and Mother wouldn’t take the initiative to take care of the child either; after meals, she would just lie on the sofa playing on her phone.
“Jing Jing, tomorrow I'm going home for a couple of days to get some things,” she said.
“Jing Jing, tomorrow I'm going to your Aunt's house for a couple of days; I'll be back soon,” she added.
After her second departure, she never returned.
I dialed countless times but could never reach her.
“No one here helps their daughter during confinement; they always rely on their sons for support. Your mother came over but your sister-in-law isn’t willing,” I heard my father say through tears on the other end of the line.
They did not know that when their daughter was in the delivery room, enduring excruciating pain, she couldn't even utter a single instinctive "Mom." They were also unaware of how heart-wrenching it was for me to watch other parents tenderly care for their daughters at the entrance of the delivery room.
It hurt so much. Why wasn't my mother there to help me? Why did my father say such callous things? Why had I never felt the love of a father or a mother? Why was it always me who had to bear everything?
"Jing Jing, can you send me some money for phone credit? I'll transfer it back to you on WeChat later."
This was the sixth message like this I had received this year. I had already sent money five times before. Of course, after I sent the credit, my mother would once again disappear without a trace.
A hundred was too much for my life; twenty was too little to be worth it. Fine, I would send fifty.
Hearing such a voice message made my heart feel like it was being pricked by needles, an overwhelming suffocating pain washing over me.
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