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墨書 Inktalez
I moved Yuqi's crib to the guest room.
In fact, the guest room was originally the nursery of our home, decorated ten years ago. Now, it looks somewhat outdated. When I first married Chengshan, I was eager to create a love child with him and couldn't wait to set up the nursery. Although Chengshan is five years older than me, he wasn't as anxious for children as I was. He said I wasn't mature enough and that I often acted impulsively; I shouldn't rush into motherhood.
Little did we know that five years after our marriage, we still had no children, and Chengshan began to feel anxious. His mother is the head of a Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital, and she conducted a thorough examination on me. She told me there was nothing wrong and advised me to relax.
However, one day while I was napping, I accidentally overheard her telling Chengshan, "Xinran has some health issues; it's difficult for her to conceive. Don't tell her; we don't want her to feel pressured. I'll prescribe her some medicine to treat it slowly; just say it's a tonic and have her take it regularly."
I appreciated her thoughtfulness, even though I had cried many times in private. I never confronted this kind-hearted lie. I continuously took the "tonic." Even after my mother passed away a few years ago, Chengshan never revealed the truth to me; he only said he didn't like children.
I felt both grateful and guilty, so I decided to lay everything bare and told Chengshan that I had always known there was something wrong with my body. To my bewilderment, he disagreed with my decision to pursue in vitro fertilization. He candidly told me that he couldn't bear to see me suffer or spend that kind of money. He said the money for IVF could be invested in his high-return ventures, and he truly didn't like children.
But I loved children; as I grew older, my desire for them only intensified. In recent years, whenever I saw other people's kids, I would pick them up and shower them with affection. Just when I was debating whether to pursue IVF and arguing with him about it, Yuqi miraculously appeared at my mother's grave.
I was determined to keep him.
I hired an agent to appraise the house my mother left behind; it could sell for over five hundred thousand. Moreover, I proposed that as long as Yuqi stayed for three months, I would sell the house.
Considering this sum of over five hundred thousand, Chengshan tolerated Yuqi's presence. He cautiously avoided Yuqi, not even allowing his gaze to fall on the child.
Chengshan stopped suggesting sending the child away, and our home returned to a temporary peace. Ever since that day at the dinner table when Yuqi called him "Daddy," he suddenly became interested in being a father.
Before this, he only liked me and relied on me.
Chengshan clearly disliked him, even detested him. Yet, Yuqi remained unfazed and began to approach Chengshan.
During mealtime, he tapped his bowl with a spoon, making a clattering sound, looking up at Chengshan sitting across from him with a broad smile. "Daddy, clang clang, Daddy, clang clang, Daddy, giggle giggle, Daddy..."
Chengshan stood up and left the table, refusing to eat anymore. Yuqi turned his head, following Chengshan into the room with his gaze, not crying or throwing a tantrum, but continuing to eat.
Occasionally, when Chengshan sat on the sofa, Yuqi would stand in front of him with a toy robot, fiddling with it while calling out to him. "Daddy, clatter clatter, Daddy, giggle, Daddy, clatter clatter..."
Chengshan avoided his gaze and stood up to walk around him and leave. Yuqi seemed a bit downcast as he stood there with his head lowered, twisting the robot in his hands.
I knew that Chengshan had strong opinions about Yuqi, but it was normal for a child to want their father’s attention. Moreover, I felt that Chengshan's rejection of Yuqi stemmed more from his own biases than anything else.
From the very beginning, he had viewed Yuqi as a weirdo; thus, no matter the situation, he would instinctively misunderstand the child. For instance, two days ago when I was holding Yuqi while eating an ice pop, Yuqi curiously reached out to grasp it with his little hands, making them cold.
Chengshan walked in through the door. As I approached him with Yuqi in my arms, the child’s icy little hand brushed against his neck. He immediately took a large step back as if nearly falling over, his face filled with fear and disgust.
I was puzzled for a moment but quickly realized he misunderstood that Yuqi had no body heat and rushed to explain the situation to him. However, he furrowed his brows at me with an expression that clearly said, "You’re lying to cover for that little monster."
I decided it was time for a serious talk with him.
Before I could find the right moment to discuss it, that evening Chengshan took the initiative to bring up Yuqi. I was leaning against the headboard watching "Ju-on" on my phone when he pointed at my screen and asked if I thought Yuqi looked like that ghost child in the movie.
"Who? You mean Yuqi? You think he looks like Jun Xiong?"
"His eyes are so lifeless; these past few days he's been standing in front of me rolling his eyes. I feel like he's plotting something—it's creepy."
"Such a small child, do you think he can understand anything?"
"Anyway, he's observing me."
"You shouldn't always have such a big bias against Yuqi," I said, putting down my phone and earnestly advising Chengshan. "He's just curious about his dad. He's timid, so he always looks at you."
Chengshan shook his head and said mysteriously, "Let me tell you something."
"Wait," I interrupted him, getting out of bed to open the door. "I think I heard Yuqi calling me. I'll go check on him first."
I stepped out to take a quick glance in the guest room and remembered that the weather forecast said it would rain today, so I went to check if the windows in the living room were closed tightly. When I returned to my room, I lay back down and covered myself with the blanket, asking Chengshan, "What were you going to say earlier?"
Chengshan leaned in a bit closer and said, "During dinner today, when you went to the kitchen to serve soup, that child stuck his chopsticks upright into your bowl of rice."
Chopsticks standing upright in a bowl signify offerings for the dead.
"How did I not notice that?"
"That's what's strange. Before you came back from the kitchen, he pulled the chopsticks out."
"Then—" I was about to speak when I caught a glimpse of a small figure standing outside the bedroom door.
When did Yuqi get there?
Noticing my unusual reaction, Chengshan turned around and exclaimed.
I took a deep breath and gently asked, " Yuqi? Are you looking for Mommy?"
"Mommy... hide... Mommy... hide..."
"It's time for bed. Let Mommy take you back to your room."
I walked to the door, holding Yuqi's small hand as we stepped outside, while behind me, Chengshan could probably see my trembling legs.
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