My name is Li Li.
But those who know me call me Lin Shufan.
In this Foot Massage Parlor, all the therapists are blind.
But I am not.
To work here, I changed my name to Li Li and set some rules for myself.
I always provide service with a smile, greeting everyone warmly.
While others offer the full package, I only do half.
However, I make sure to give my clients extra attention by massaging their heads and legs, covering them with a blanket when they turn over, leaving a hint of perfume on their faces.
In short, I aim to appear sweet and clean, like a little white flower.
I want others to think that I am just a decent girl.
When clients ask me, "How come someone as beautiful as you works in a place like this?"
I smile and reply, "It's Shenzhen; there's no easy job here."
"And our shop is very legitimate. Look, all the therapists are blind; it's very safe."
The clients laugh and say, "So you're not safe then?"
I smile even sweeter, "That's right, I'm not safe."
Before I turned twenty, I never imagined I would be in this line of work.
Being a girl from the Northeast, I always had a bit of pride.
I followed my husband, Li Xiang, to the outskirts of Shenzhen.
At that time, I just wanted to find a job, but I faced obstacles everywhere. In the end, I could only rent a self-built room.
The one-bedroom apartment was just over thirty square meters.
It was located by the roadside, and the noise was quite loud, with cars passing by every night.
Yet, I felt satisfied.
At least, I had a home.
Two months later, Lin Shufan changed her name to Li Li and became a foot massage therapist.
Every day from the afternoon until four in the morning, I worked at the foot massage shop.
Then I would take the night bus home.
That period was my dark time.
The nights were very dark, and my heart felt equally dark.
But when I returned home, looking at the pitch-black furniture and smelling familiar scents, I felt reassured.
Yes, I had killed someone.
And not just one person.
The environment on the outskirts of Shenzhen was not much different from my hometown in Northeast China.
During the day, I did cleaning work.
At night, I would bring home some skewers and a bottle of beer.
My husband sat on the sofa, shirtless, watching television.
As soon as I walked in, he greeted me with a smile.
"How was your day?"
"Not bad, just exhausted."
He pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
We've been living in Shenzhen for two years, and he hasn't worked a single day.
He claims he wants to pursue art, saying that working for money is something only ordinary people do.
But I know he can't handle it.
His shoulders are broad, and there's a scar on his arm.
It’s from a fight he had long ago.
He always feels embarrassed about it, so he never brings it up.
But I know deep down that Li Xiang doesn't really want to avoid work.
He just doesn't want to bow his head.
Li Xiang is my first love.
He is my first man.
We went from high school to marriage together, running away from our hometown to Shenzhen.
He is my husband and my only family.
I love him, so I'm willing to let him spend the money I earn, watching him put on designer clothes and step out the door with a cigarette in hand.
Even though I know he isn't going to pursue art, but rather to find women.
At eleven o'clock at night, the Foot Massage Parlor opened its doors.
There are a total of fifteen therapists in the shop, fourteen of whom are blind.
The remaining one is me.
I work as a cleaner during the day and do foot massages at night.
This is how I've been living for the past two years.
Every night before my shift, I would smooth my hair in front of the mirror.
Then, while crying, I would apply powder to my face.
Until I turned myself into a pale visage.
I am not a naturally bad woman.
But I have no bottom line; to satisfy the customers, I can let them hold me and knead me,
As long as they are happy, I am willing to do anything.
The girl from the Northeast is long gone.
The Li Li who exists now is a foot masseuse without dignity.
The business at this Foot Massage Parlor is thriving.
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