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墨書 Inktalez
After being ill for a while and going through a period of deliberate busyness and numbness, my mood gradually settled, but the knot in my heart remained tightly bound.
One day, Mother called me into her room, dismissed the servants, took my hand, and said earnestly, “A Mian, what is going on between you and Lan Ge'er? You grew up together; your bond is extraordinary. How did it come to this?”
I lowered my head, biting my lip, unsure of how to respond.
Mother sighed, “A few days ago, Madam Gu approached me privately. She said that Lan Ge'er has been unable to eat or sleep because of you; he has lost quite a bit of weight.”
I suddenly looked up, somewhat incredulous. “He... has lost weight?”
“Indeed,” Mother patted my hand. “Madam Gu mentioned that on his birthday, the general called him in to discuss military matters regarding Border Defense. It seems he intends to have him train in the army early. The boy must be feeling pressured and didn’t know how to talk to you about it, which is why he lost his composure. As for the matter at Linglong Pavilion…”
Mother paused before continuing, “Madam Gu said that Ruo Han was pestering Lan Ge'er, insisting on picking out a piece of jewelry as an apology for you. Lan Ge'er couldn’t refuse her and went along. That Buyao was originally meant to be bought for you by Ruo Han to ease the tension between you two, but who would have thought you would walk in on them?”
“An apology for me?” I was taken aback. Lin Ruohan wanted to pick out jewelry as an apology for me?
This explanation came as a surprise yet seemed… reasonable.
Recalling that day at Linglong Pavilion, Gu Lan had indeed shown a moment of panic, and Lin Ruohan was eager to explain… Could it be that I had misunderstood him?
“But…” I still had doubts. “Why didn’t he explain things to me sooner? On his birthday and afterward… why was he so cold?”
Mother shook her head. “I don’t know. Perhaps it’s a boy’s way of thinking; he finds it hard to speak up? Or maybe he’s concerned about your temperament and fears that explaining might make things worse? You two have always been close but are both quite stubborn. Some things need to be said face-to-face; otherwise, misunderstandings will only deepen.”
Mother’s words were like a key that gently unlocked the heavy lock in my heart.
So it turned out that his coldness on his birthday was due to military pressure and not because he was annoyed with me.
And that scene at Linglong Pavilion wasn’t about him having feelings for someone else but rather an attempt to make amends with me.
I had wronged him. I had pushed him away.
Thinking of this made my heart ache painfully with regret. Had he been as sad as I was during these days? Did he want to come find me but was turned away? How hurt must he have felt watching me misunderstand him?
“Mother…” My voice trembled with tears. “I… I think I made a mistake.”
Mother embraced me and gently patted my back. “Silly child, it’s good that you realize your mistake. I’ve watched Lan Ge'er grow up; his feelings for you are clear even if others can’t see them. But now that you’re older, some thoughts can easily be misunderstood when there’s a veil between you.”
“What… should I do now?” I felt lost. I had misunderstood him and said such harsh words; would he still forgive me?
Mother smiled gently. “To untie the knot, one must tie it first. Since it’s your misunderstanding, it’s only right for you to clarify things with him. Go on; resolve the knot in your heart and don’t let this small matter ruin the bond you’ve built over so many years.”
Mother’s words gave me courage.
Yes, I misunderstood him. I should go find him and clarify things. Even if… even if he doesn’t forgive me, I still want him to know that I am not being unreasonable.
I took a deep breath, wiped my tears, and stood up. “Mother, I know what I need to do now.”
As I walked out of Mother’s room, my steps were still a bit hesitant, but the direction in my heart was incredibly clear.
Gu Lan, wait for me. This time, it’s my turn to find you.
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