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墨書 Inktalez
He Rui He returned home and collapsed onto the bed without even taking off his shoes. He buried his head in the blanket, waiting for his turbulent emotions to calm down. The sound of the door unlocking came from the entrance. It was his mother returning. He really wanted to confront his mother and ask her why she had secretly altered his college application. She clearly knew that he wasn't good at science and that he was so passionate about literature.
He remembered his mother, who was tolerant and gentle before his parents' divorce. Although her suspicious and paranoid nature had already begun to show, it was far from being as extreme as it is now. Since his father's affair was discovered by his mother, they had been hysterically arguing for four years. His father eventually chose to leave, and his mother took the children and what little money was left to start a new life in City B. He Rui watched his mother's haggard face and swallowed his feelings of attachment to friends and their old home. However, his maturity did not earn his mother's understanding. She began to control his life in a pathological way, imposing certain requirements on him. When he initially resisted these unreasonable demands, saying, "I simply can't do it. Mom, you can't either. Don't impose your expectations on me," he was met with a merciless slap from his mother. After that, He Rui stopped resisting. What was the point of resisting? Besides, his mother was really struggling. She had been raising them alone for so many years, enduring the disdain of colleagues and superiors at work because she had no power or influence. Sometimes he wondered if his mother, unable to suppress others outside, could only suppress her own child at home. He vaguely felt that his lack of resistance had sown some unfortunate consequences for the future, but he was powerless to change his mother's decisions, whether in the past or now.
But choosing the right subjects was really important. He had been worried that his mother would change his preferences, so he hadn't told her about it. The class teacher of Class 205, who taught Chinese and was a talkative old man, was very open-minded. He was worried that parents' interference would confuse the children's own direction, so he deliberately did not inform the parents about the final subject selection. He hoped that after discussing with their parents, the children could reach a compromise that satisfied both parties. However, the final subject selection should be decided by the children themselves.
How did his mother know about the subject selection and successfully change his preferences?
During dinner, he couldn't help but ask, "Mom, I don't want to study science... I..." Before he could finish his sentence, the feigned warmth on his mother's weary face had vanished completely, replaced by a cold, stern gaze at her only son. "Do you think writing a few articles can earn you some money? Can your so-called dreams afford your future meals? Choosing science is for your own good. Would Mom harm you? I've worked hard all this time just to secure a good future for you."
"But..."
"There's no 'but'." Mom interrupted He Rui again. "Come and eat." Mom put some mushroom and beef meatballs into He Rui's bowl. "Your second aunt specially made these for you and sent them over. You must remember to repay her in the future. Hurry and eat while it's hot." With a few words, Mom cut off He Rui's attempt to speak further.
He Rui wanted to say that he quietly submitted an article he wrote in junior high to a well-known local journal and earned a good amount of money, as well as received praise from everyone. His high school writing won a national first prize, and all his Chinese teachers said he had a talent for writing... What he most wanted to say was, if a person chooses the thing they dislike and are least skilled at as their lifelong career, wouldn't they be driven crazy?
Mom's words wove into a dense web that enveloped He Rui's face, making it hard for him to breathe. "Mom, even just once, can you give me a chance to make my own choice?" Without waiting for a response, He Rui hastily took a few bites of rice and returned to his dorm, gently closing the door behind him. Leaning against the door, He Rui slowly slid to the ground, the cold floor jolting him and clearing his suffocating mind a bit. He listened to the sounds outside the door, only hearing the clinking of dishes for a while, then quiet for a long time, followed by the sound of water from a distance.
It seems that Mom also has no appetite to eat. He Rui thought sadly, "The dishes on the table today are all his favorite, but unfortunately, the words spoken by the mother and son have ruined each other's appetite." Then, there was the sound of water coming from the kitchen, mixed with some noise, as if someone was muttering. Perhaps Mom was scolding He Rui again for talking nonsense all day.
He Rui packed up his school bag, started doing homework at the desk, and wrote until almost ten o'clock. He Rui got up to stretch his shoulders and neck, pulled out the book he hadn't finished reading from the nearby bookcase, "The Veil of the Mother," and continued reading. Gradually, he became engrossed in it and didn't notice when the room was opened, until Mom put a plate with four orange slices on the desk, making a slight friction and knocking sound. He Rui came back to his senses.
"Thank you."
"Go ahead and eat. I'll take out the trash in a moment."
"Mm."
Then there was an awkward silence. He Rui didn't know what to say, or what his mother was thinking. His mother spoke first to break the silence.
"Xiao Rui, I also want to respect your choice, but you need to understand that families like ours don't have much room for trial and error. We have neither money nor connections, so we can only choose the most correct path. Besides... you have a different body, you are intersex... Mom still hopes that you will become a strong and upright son, studying in the liberal arts class and spending time with girls all day is not a good look." As she spoke, Mother He began to sob.
"Well... Mom, I understand. I will study science as you said, please don't cry." He Rui sighed and comforted her stiffly.
It seems that his existence is not quite in line with the ways of the world. He Rui felt that his already unclear vision of the future became even more blurred.
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