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墨書 Inktalez
After the New Year, my parents called me. They didn't mention anything about Xu Zhiyuan. I don't know if it was because of the New Year or some other reason that they temporarily refrained from pressuring me. Ever since Xu Zhiyuan fell ill, our lives have changed dramatically. Previously, we measured our time by weeks and months. Now, our time is defined by chemotherapy cycles. We used to discuss where to go for the weekend. Now, we sit together discussing the side effects of chemotherapy. Time really flies. It feels like just yesterday we were together, and today we have to face life and death.
"Baby, I want to drink water," Xu Zhiyuan said.
"Okay, I'll pour you some water." I got up to pour him water. "Do you want it warm or hot?"
"Warm."
"Alright." I poured a cup of warm water and handed it to Xu Zhiyuan. "Here."
"Thank you, baby." Xu Zhiyuan took the cup and drank half of it.
"Do you want more?"
"No, that's enough."
"Then you should rest a bit." I took the cup back and placed it on the table.
Xu Zhiyuan lay down and closed his eyes. I sat by the bed, watching him. His complexion was poor. I knew his condition was still worsening. But there was really nothing I could do. I could only encourage him, comfort him, and urge him not to give up. I could only pray for a miracle to happen. Xu Zhiyuan was sleeping soundly.
I looked at him, tears streaming down my face without me realizing it.
I didn't want to cry.
I didn't want to worry Xu Zhiyuan.
But I couldn't control myself.
I didn't know how far Xu Zhiyuan and I could go.
Maybe, in the next moment, he would leave me.
Maybe he could stay with me for a few more years.
I didn't know.
All I knew was that I would always be with him until the end of my life.
Xu Zhiyuan slept for the entire afternoon.
I stayed with him all afternoon.
In the evening, Xu Zhiyuan woke up.
"Baby," Xu Zhiyuan called me in a hoarse voice.
"I'm here," I quickly replied.
"Did I sleep for a long time?"
"Not too long." I wiped my tears, "Do you want to sleep a little more?"
"No, I'm good," Xu Zhiyuan smiled, "I've had enough sleep."
"Then do you want to eat something?"
"I don't feel like eating."
"What do you want to do?"
"I want to go for a walk."
"Okay, I'll go with you." I helped Xu Zhiyuan get out of bed, "Where do you want to walk?"
"Let's just go to the nearby small park."
"Alright."
I accompanied Xu Zhiyuan to the nearby small park.
The small park wasn't crowded; there were only a few children playing.
"Baby, do you remember where we had our first date?" Xu Zhiyuan asked me.
"I remember," I smiled, "Of course I remember."
"That was our first date." Xu Zhiyuan also smiled, "You were really beautiful back then."
"I'm beautiful now too," I winked.
"You are even more beautiful now." Xu Zhiyuan looked at me, his gaze gentle as water.
"Of course," I said proudly, "They say women in love are the most beautiful."
"Is that so?" Xu Zhiyuan laughed, "I think you've always been beautiful."
"That's because I've always been in love," I tilted my head and smiled playfully.
"Hehe..." Xu Zhiyuan chuckled.
We walked hand in hand, slowly.
The setting sun stretched our shadows long and far.
"Zhiyuan, you will get better," I said softly.
"Mm." Xu Zhiyuan nodded, "I will get better."
"When that happens, we should travel together."
"Okay."
"And we should go watch movies together."
"Okay."
"And we should eat a lot of delicious food together."
"Okay."
"And we should..." I couldn't continue.
There was so much I wanted to say, but I knew we might not have that much time left.
"Baby, I will be with you," Xu Zhiyuan tightened his grip on my hand, "I will always be with you."
"Mm." I nodded vigorously, tears streaming down my face.
I knew Xu Zhiyuan was comforting me.
I knew he wouldn't leave me.
But I was still so scared, so scared.
I was afraid he would leave me.
I was afraid I would never see him again.
I was afraid I would never hear his voice again.
I was afraid...
I couldn't dare to think further. I could only hold his hand tightly, as if that would keep him with me.
A few days later, a friend of mine got married and invited me and Xu Zhiyuan to the wedding. This friend is a senior from my university department, and after a five-year long-distance relationship with his girlfriend, they finally tied the knot.
Xu Zhiyuan and I discussed it and decided to attend the wedding. We rented formal attire from a bridal shop, got our makeup done, and then set off for the hotel.
The wedding venue was decorated very romantically. Pink balloons, pink floral wreaths, pink lights... Everything was so beautiful. I sat in the audience, watching my friend exchange rings on stage and listening to the officiant read the vows. My eyes gradually became moist.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Xu Zhiyuan asked me.
"Nothing," I wiped my tears. "I'm just a bit moved."
"Silly girl," Xu Zhiyuan patted my head. "You're so easily touched."
I smiled but didn't say anything. I looked up at the newlyweds on stage. They looked so happy together. I genuinely felt happy for them.
After the ceremony, Xu Zhiyuan and I went to grab something to eat.
"Baby, what do you want to eat?" Xu Zhiyuan asked me.
"I want to eat cake," I replied with a smile.
"Okay, I'll go get it for you," Xu Zhiyuan said as he went to fetch the cake.
I stood there waiting for him. I noticed that Xu Zhiyuan had been staring at me in a daze.
"Zhiyuan, what are you looking at?" I walked over and tapped his shoulder.
"Nothing," Xu Zhiyuan smiled. "Baby, here's your cake."
"Thank you," I took the cake from him, took a bite, and said, "It's so delicious!"
"Then eat a little more."
"Mm." I took another bite of the cake and asked Xu Zhiyuan, "Aren't you going to eat?"
"I don't want to eat," Xu Zhiyuan said softly. "Baby, I feel like I'm no longer someone you can rely on."
"What are you talking about?" I shot him a glare. "You are definitely someone I can rely on right now."
"But I..."
"What do you mean 'but'?" I interrupted him. "You said you would be with me for a lifetime."
"..." Xu Zhiyuan fell silent for a moment and smiled. "Yeah, I will be with you."
"That's more like it." I nodded in satisfaction.
We continued eating.
After we finished, I suddenly had an idea and said, "Zhiyuan, let's take a photo."
"A photo?"
"Yes!" I said excitedly. "We've been together for so long and haven't really taken any pictures together."
"Okay," Xu Zhiyuan agreed.
This was one of the best times for his mental state during his chemotherapy break.
I didn't want to waste this opportunity.
Xu Zhiyuan and I went to the photography area, found a photographer, and had a picture taken of us.
In the photo, we were both smiling happily.
"Baby, I haven't seen you smile like this in a long time," Xu Zhiyuan said.
"Why? Don't I usually smile like this?" I pouted defiantly.
"No," Xu Zhiyuan said as he patted my head. "You smile like this usually, but today you're especially beautiful."
"Of course," I said proudly, raising my eyebrows. "They say women look most beautiful after putting on makeup."
"Hehe..." Xu Zhiyuan chuckled.
We held onto the photo and reluctantly left the wedding venue.
The next day, the side effects of the chemotherapy began to show.
Xu Zhiyuan's mental state started to decline.
He was about to endure those painful treatments again.
I stayed by his side, trying every way possible to make him more comfortable.
But I knew this was just the beginning.
His condition is worsening, and the treatment will only become more painful. But there is nothing I can do. I can only stay by his side, encourage him, and comfort him. I hope he can hold on, hoping for a miracle to happen. But I also know that miracles do not occur. Xu Zhiyuan's illness is too severe; he is already in the late stages. All I can do is accompany him through the remaining days.
A few days later, my mother called me again, saying she had set me up with someone and wanted me to come back for a blind date. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to leave Xu Zhiyuan. I didn't even want to date again. I didn't want to experience another painful situation like what happened with Xu Zhiyuan.
"Zhenzhen, listen to your mother," she urged. "That boy is really nice; if you meet him, you will definitely like him."
"Mom, I don't want to meet him," I said softly. "Please don't pressure me."
"Zhenzhen..."
"Mom, do you know that Zhiyuan..." I couldn't continue.
"What happened to Zhiyuan?" my mother asked.
"He..." I bit my lip, "he is sick."
"What?" My mother was stunned. "Zhiyuan is sick?"
"Yes."
"What kind of illness?"
"Advanced Colon Cancer," I choked out.
"..." My mother fell silent.
"Mom, right now I just want to be with him," I said softly. "I don't want to deal with anything else."
"Zhenzhen, why put yourself through this?" my mother sighed.
"Mom, please don't try to persuade me," I said gently. "I've made my decision."
"Sigh... Fine, I won't persuade you anymore," my mother replied with a sigh.
"Thank you, Mom."
"Well..." Mom hesitated, "Do you want to come back and see your dad?"
"Yeah." I nodded, "I'll make time to go back."
"Okay."
After hanging up the phone, I took a deep breath.
I knew Mom was concerned about me.
But I really didn't want to date anymore.
I just wanted to be with Xu Zhiyuan until the end of his life.
...
In the evening, I messaged Xu Zhiyuan, telling him that my mom had set me up with someone again.
"Then you should go back and see," Xu Zhiyuan said.
"I'm not going to," I pouted, "I want to be with you."
"You silly." Xu Zhiyuan chuckled, "You don't have to accompany me."
"I want to be with you," I insisted.
"Baby, if you do this, it makes me feel like I'm letting you down," Xu Zhiyuan said softly.
"You don't owe me anything," I smiled, "This is my choice."
"But I don't want you to miss out on your own life because of me."
"What are you talking about?" I became unhappy, "Being with you is not missing out on my life."
"You are still young," Xu Zhiyuan said patiently, "Your future is long. You can find a better job and meet better people."
"I don't want that," I shook my head, "I only want you."
"Baby..."
"Zhiyuan, you said you'd be with me for a lifetime," I interrupted him, "You can't go back on your word."
"..." Xu Zhiyuan was silent for a moment and then said softly, "Yeah, I won't go back on my word."
"That's more like it," I nodded in satisfaction.
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