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墨書 Inktalez
I reached an agreement with Xu Zhiyuan at the end of June. We no longer discuss the topic of breaking up. Everything is decided by me, and I can call it off at any time.
"I have always been the one making decisions for you, encouraging you to strive for that decision," he said, "but I never asked about your feelings."
"Well, I'll tell you now, I'm feeling great."
"Baby, you can't fool me."
I know I can't fool him. I can't hide anything from him. He understands me better than I understand myself.
"My birthday wish this year is for you to get better through chemotherapy or surgery."
"If possible, I hope so too."
"Then... if you could, would you choose surgery?"
"I would."
"Even if the risks are high?"
"Baby, my risks are high, but yours are even greater."
I fell silent. I know he is right.
"So, baby, don't dwell on this issue anymore," he said softly, "let's work hard together."
"Mm." I nodded vigorously.
A few days later, I received a message from Gui Zhi. Gui Zhi asked me to come to her house to pick up some bags. She is going for surgery.
"I bought a lot of bags that I can't use now," Gui Zhi said lightly, "if the surgery isn't successful, you can help me donate them."
"Gui Zhi..."
"Silly, don't be so serious," Gui Zhi laughed, "I've already prepared myself mentally."
"Mm." I nodded vigorously, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of them for you."
"Well, wait for me to come out of the operating room, and then I'll find you."
"Okay."
...
A few days before I went to Gui Zhi's house, I impulsively decided to visit Yonghe Temple to get a bracelet and a talisman.
I hoped these items would be helpful to Gui Zhi.
I handed the bracelet and talisman to Gui Zhi's mother.
Gui Zhi's mother asked me to contact Gui Zhi after she finished her surgery and was discharged.
I agreed.
...
Xu Zhiyuan made a pixel-style mini-game for me to play to pass the time.
I planned to give this mini-game as a gift to Xu Zhiyuan.
I intended to invite Xu Zhiyuan to eat at the restaurant we had discussed but never visited once the game reached level twenty.
"Level twenty? Does it take a long time?" Xu Zhiyuan asked.
"Not too long," I replied with a smile, "about a month or so."
"That's not bad," Xu Zhiyuan sighed in relief.
I looked at his pale face, feeling a pang of pain in my heart.
"Zhiyuan, we will wait together for that day," I said.
"Mm." Xu Zhiyuan nodded with a smile.
...
I learned about Gui Zhi's failed surgery from Xu Zhiyuan.
Xu Zhiyuan found out through private messages.
Gui Zhi didn't tell me directly; instead, she had Xu Zhiyuan convey the message.
She didn't want me to worry.
She remained very active in her patient group, chatting with other patients, telling jokes, and encouraging them...
She said she was going on a trip soon.
She said she was going to travel around the world.
She also mentioned that she wanted to take a break and wouldn't need wigs anymore.
As I looked at the chat records in the group, my eyes felt sore.
Gui Zhi...
I went to Gui Zhi's house with Xu Zhiyuan. Gui Zhi's mental state was better than before. She wore a light blue dress, her long hair flowing, and she had a bright smile.
"Zheng Zhen, I've handed over the management of our support group to Xu Zhiyuan," Gui Zhi said with a smile. "From now on, he can manage the group in my place."
"Gui Zhi..." I looked at her, feeling a mix of emotions.
"The doctor said my cancer cells have spread," Gui Zhi said calmly. "So I've decided to give up chemotherapy."
"Gui Zhi..."
"I plan to travel around and see the world," Gui Zhi said with a smile. "I used to be so busy with work that I neglected the scenery around me."
"Gui Zhi..."
"Actually, I think this is quite good," Gui Zhi said with a smile. "I can enjoy life to the fullest now."
"Gui Zhi..." I couldn't help but cry.
"Silly, don't cry," Gui Zhi reached out to wipe my tears. "You should be happy for me."
"Yeah." I nodded vigorously. "I'm happy for you."
"Mm." Gui Zhi smiled. "I will always be happy."
...
Xu Zhiyuan and I left Gui Zhi's house. I felt downcast. Xu Zhiyuan held me close without saying a word.
"Zhiyuan, will Gui Zhi die?" I asked.
"I don't know," Xu Zhiyuan replied softly.
"Zhiyuan, if our surgery fails, will I die too?"
"Baby..."
"I will die too, right?"
"Baby..."
"We will die together, right?"
"Baby..."
I closed my mouth. I knew my questions were foolish.
I know, we will all die.
We are just ordinary people, and we will all die.
It's just a matter of time.
...
At night, I lie in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.
Xu Zhiyuan is also awake.
He keeps scrolling through his phone.
I know he is looking at Gui Zhi's support group.
He is worried that Gui Zhi might leave suddenly.
...
The next morning, when I wake up, I find Xu Zhiyuan is not in bed.
I hear the sound of typing coming from the living room.
I get up and walk to the living room.
Xu Zhiyuan is typing on the computer.
He is working on a document.
"Zhiyuan, what are you doing?" I ask.
"I'm writing a summary," Xu Zhiyuan replies.
"A summary?"
"A summary about colon cancer," Xu Zhiyuan says. "I want to write down the knowledge and experiences I have to leave for others."
"Zhiyuan..."
"Maybe it will help them," Xu Zhiyuan says.
"Zhiyuan, you won't die," I say.
"I know," Xu Zhiyuan whispers, "I just... want to do something for others."
"Mm." I nod vigorously.
...
Xu Zhiyuan writes summaries every day.
He writes in great detail, covering everything from causes to symptoms, from treatment to care, from diet to exercise...
He has written a lot of material.
Sometimes, he shares the documents he has written in the support group to communicate with other patients.
Sometimes, he would print out the documents and deliver them to the hospital for the doctors' reference.
I hope these materials can help others.
I hope these materials can create miracles.
...
Before I knew it, a month had passed.
My game character had reached level twenty.
I took Xu Zhiyuan out for that meal.
During dinner, we talked a lot.
We discussed the past, the present, and the future...
We talked about Gui Zhi.
We hadn't heard from Gui Zhi in a long time.
She no longer appeared in the support group chat.
She hadn't chatted with us anymore.
It was as if she had vanished.
"Zhiyuan, what about Gui Zhi..." I couldn't help but ask.
"She must have gone traveling," Xu Zhiyuan said calmly.
"Will she come back?"
"Maybe she will, maybe she won't."
"I hope she comes back."
"Yeah," Xu Zhiyuan said softly, "she will come back."
...
Time flew by quickly.
Before I knew it, six months had passed.
During this half year, Xu Zhiyuan and I lived a peaceful life.
He would occasionally go for chemotherapy.
He would occasionally go for check-ups.
He would occasionally give speeches.
He would occasionally travel.
As for me, I was working hard, earning money, and taking care of him.
Our lives may be monotonous, but they are happy.
...
One day, Xu Zhiyuan suddenly told me that he wanted to have surgery.
"Why do you want to have surgery all of a sudden?" I asked.
"I want to live," Xu Zhiyuan said.
"You have always wanted to live."
"Yes," Xu Zhiyuan nodded, "but now I have a stronger desire."
"What desire?"
"I want to be with you a little longer," Xu Zhiyuan said, "I want to see you in a wedding dress."
I was stunned.
"Baby, I want to give you a wedding," Xu Zhiyuan said softly, "I want you to be my wife."
"Zhiyuan..."
"Baby, I believe that as long as I work hard, I will definitely be able to live," Xu Zhiyuan said firmly.
"Zhiyuan..."
"Baby, trust me," Xu Zhiyuan gazed at me with determination in his eyes, "I will make you happy."
"Mm." I nodded vigorously, "I believe you."
...
The surgery was scheduled for three days later.
In those three days, we actively prepared.
We consulted doctors, reviewed information, and understood the risks and processes of the surgery.
We also communicated with other patients, sharing our experiences and feelings.
In the end, we encouraged each other and supported one another as we faced this surgery together.
...
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