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I was doing my best to procrastinate, staying in the palace, and before I knew it, I had turned eighteen. Yu Qianhua felt guilty for not finding me a suitable husband. I comforted him on the surface, saying I was willing to accompany Aunt for a lifetime, while secretly feeling pleased.
I thought that if I delayed long enough, until I was past the age for marriage discussions, I could avoid the misfortune of leaving the palace. However, I did not expect that Marquis Wu'an and Heir Apparent Lin Yuqing would suddenly arrive in the capital. Even more terrifying was that he began to suspect my true identity.
After Dayuan was destroyed, Marquis Wu'an Lin Ke was promoted to Hexi Protectorate, taking his family to guard the Western Regions and commanding the lands of the former Dayuan and Shache. Lin Yuqing's arrival in the capital was to escort Lin Ke's remains back home for burial.
At that time, rumors of my supposed ability to bring misfortune to husbands were already circulating in the imperial capital. Yu Qianhua was troubled by this matter. With his imposing demeanor and heroic presence, Lin Yuqing, who knew nothing about the situation in the capital, became Yu Qianhua's ideal candidate.
Seeing that the rumors about my misfortune had spread, I naturally did not want my efforts to be in vain. However, Lin Yuqing was far more difficult to deal with than anyone I had encountered before—
I tried to send a beautiful woman to seduce him, but she ended up with a broken leg at his hands;
I sent a man to approach him, but he refused to leave his home citing filial piety;
I tampered with his horse, but he seemed to have anticipated it and switched horses for his journey;
I hired an assassin to kill him, but the assassin was captured by him and revealed me as the mastermind behind it.
Lin Yuqing secretly sent me a letter as leverage, asking me to meet him at a tavern in the city.
When I arrived, he was reading the Book of Songs. It was my first formal appraisal of him; he inherited his father's valor but appeared much more refined than Lin Ke. There was no trace of drunkenness on his face; instead, he exuded an air of scholarly elegance. Rather than being a general who commanded respect on the battlefield, he resembled a well-rounded military leader.
"In the Western Regions, when I went out, many young ladies would throw flowers and silk handkerchiefs at me. I consider myself quite an exceptional young talent; is it really true that I do not catch Princess Xuanhui's eye?" He looked at me curiously.
"You are indeed outstanding, but you are simply not my type," I rejected him without hesitation.
"Princess, your words sound dismissive," Lin Yuqing scoffed as he set down his book. "Over these years, dozens of talented young men have proposed marriage to you; there have been all kinds of people. Do you think I would believe what you say?"
"Whether you believe it or not is irrelevant; disliking someone is disliking someone." For some reason, a vague sense of unease surged within me.
"But I have taken quite a liking to you, Princess. Other men may prefer gentle and soft women, but I, Lin Yuqing, like someone decisive and ruthless like you," Lin Yuqing said as he twirled a white jade ring on his finger with a gentle smile. "You probably don't know this, but there is a chef at the Protectorate who used to serve in Dayuan's palace. She told me that the one who went to Great Li is not the real Princess Yimia."
I was taken aback; how could this be? After Dayuan fell and an epidemic broke out, before seeking out Lin Ke under my guise as Yimia, I had deliberately thrown clothing worn by an epidemic victim into the well of the courtyard where Lin Ke housed women. Only after confirming they drank from it and contracted the disease—resulting in their execution by Lin Ke—did I approach him with the Purple Jade Ring.
In these subsequent years, I had secretly sent people to Dayuan looking for those who had served Yimia and quietly eliminated them. Yet somehow there remained a loose end.
"Is that when you started paying attention to me?" I did not deny it as I looked at Lin Yuqing and secretly plotted my next move. "So tell me, what do you want?"
I do not believe what Lin Yuqing said; I had never met him before, so how could I possibly like him?
"But I truly only want to marry you. I noticed that those who served Princess Yimia have been killed one after another, and I have been secretly investigating this matter. At first, I did not think of the princess, but after discovering that chef, I had this bold guess. Since then, I have been curious about what kind of girl possesses such courage."
"To be honest, I have never told anyone this secret, not even my deceased father. The reason I told the princess is not to threaten her but to make her understand that I am someone you can trust," Lin Yuqing explained earnestly, and he did not seem to be lying.
"Let me think it over and give the Heir Apparent a response later," I said, feigning politeness while maneuvering around Lin Yuqing.
The person before me was someone who would stop at nothing to achieve his goals. Although he claimed he did not want to harm me and did not wish to threaten me, the fact that he had invited me out today to reveal his cards and confess his feelings was already a form of threat.
"Then I will wait for the princess's good news," he whispered gently in my ear, his words piercing my heart like a knife, leaving me bleeding inside. "I will always marry you."
I knew that apart from making a final desperate attempt, I had no way out.
"So you used the Queen's name to poison the Su Ma Cake sent to my father, didn't you?" Anhui looked at me. "It's fortunate that Lin Yuqing didn't marry you. If two people like you, who stop at nothing for their goals, were to conspire together for the Great Li's world, just thinking about it is terrifying."
"You are mistaken; what do we want with this world?" Lin Yuqing wanted me as a person, while all I wanted was Yu Qianhua. October 25th was the anniversary of his acquaintance with Empress Song. Empress Song was drunk as usual in Dan Feng Palace. I brought a box of Su Ma Cake laced with aphrodisiacs to see him, falsely claiming it was sent on behalf of Empress Song.
He was overjoyed and consumed it all. What happened next was merely a matter of course; however, I did not expect that the first thing he would do upon waking up was to slap me several times without hesitation and kick me in the chest, sending me tumbling off the bed.
"You shameless scoundrel! How dare you commit such an outrageous act..." He pointed at me and scolded fiercely, his eyes red as if a flame were burning within him—filled with hatred and indignation, suffused with deep sorrow.
"Go ahead and kill me," I said defiantly as I looked at him without flinching. Barefoot, I took down the riding whip hanging in the chamber and handed it to him. Empress Song used to be skilled in riding and archery and collected fine horses and equipment. This whip was given to him by Empress Song during their first autumn hunt after their wedding; he treasured it dearly and kept it by his side day and night. "Use the whip given by the queen to beat me to death! After all, I've had enough of being this ridiculous princess and am tired of living under Yimia's name for so many years."
He looked at me in disbelief as the whip fell from his hand. Then, in his astonished gaze, I recounted everything about how I impersonated Yimia—how I admired him and how I sabotaged potential suitors just to avoid marriage.
"You've gone mad!" He lowered his voice and called Trusted Eunuch Geng Jinzong into the room. "Take her back to Heavenly Heart Palace and ensure she is well-guarded. No one is allowed to visit her except for the queen. Also, inform the cabinet that Princess Xuanhui has suddenly fallen ill and passed away; instruct them to draft an edict to announce it to the world."
Not only did he refuse to acknowledge our relationship, but he also wanted to erase my existence? Stunned in disbelief, I stood there for a long time until a palace maid came forward to drag me away.
"Yu Qianhua, how cruel-hearted you are..." I screamed hysterically, but he wouldn't even turn back; he simply turned his back on me and signaled for the maid to cover my mouth with a silk cloth.
"After you were taken away, my father spat blood. When news reached Dan Feng Palace, the queen fainted directly. They would never have imagined that their beloved daughter whom they cherished for so many years is actually a heartless wretch. When I learned this news, I truly wanted to kill you," Anhui's expression was calm as water, yet I could still feel her anger and hatred.
Yu Qianhua intended to kill me with poisoned wine. During this time, the queen visited me once at Treasure Light Hall; her expression was somber and she said nothing. Later on, I heard from palace servants that she advised Yu Qianhua to send me into the National Protection Temple for cultivation so that I could repent daily before ancient lamps and Buddhas.
I never made it to the National Protection Temple.
One desires my life, while the other desires my death. For the first time, Yu Qianhua, who has always obeyed the Empress, disregarded her wishes. Later, it was Anhui who devised a scheme to break my legs and banish me to the cold palace, forcing me to live a life worse than death.
Empress Song, recalling our bond as mother and daughter, assigned a palace maid to take care of me. However, once she saw that those in power no longer favored me, she also stopped putting in much effort.
"I originally hated you and wanted you to live your life in a daze forever, but now I suddenly don't hate you anymore." Anhui pulled out a delicate jade bottle from her sleeve and brought a crimson pill to my lips. "This is a pill made from Deadly Nightshade; it will take just three breaths for you to die. Sister, you can go in peace. In your next life, don’t enter the royal family again, and don’t fall in love with someone you shouldn’t."
"Thank you." I calmly closed my eyes. It seemed I could hear faint chants in my ears, sorrowful and pleading. In a daze, I thought I heard my Birth Mother’s desperate sighs; she said this was fate, all of it was fate.
Is it fate? But I have never believed in fate. Even if there is an inevitable destiny, it blooms recklessly and withers silently.
I thought I would die here, but when I woke up again, I found myself lying in a strange cabin on a boat. Lifting the bamboo curtain, I saw the clear blue river surrounding me and caught a faint scent of congee wafting from outside.
Following the aroma, I stepped out of the cabin to find Lin Yuqing bent over at the bow of the boat cooking congee. Dressed in white with dark hair and lacking any gold or silver ornaments, he resembled a wandering hero.
"I have given up the military power and title of Hexi Protectorate and made a deal with Princess Anhui. I told you before that I would always marry you," his voice was as clear and resolute as ever.
"Is it worth it?" The military power and title of Hexi Protectorate were what Marquis Wu'an had left him for protection, symbolizing generations of wealth and high office.
"Is your gamble worth it?" he countered lightly. "But from now on, whether it's Anhui or Yimia, they are both dead. In this vast Dongting Lake, there is only a small boat and a pair of reclusive people like Xi Zi and Fan Li."
From this small boat onward, The River and Sea Entrust My Remaining Life seems acceptable too.
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