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墨書 Inktalez
Liu Shuhan never expected that the one to propose a breakup would be herself.
As the words "break up" left her lips, Liu Shuhan felt a sharp pain in her chest. She gasped a few times, pressing her hand against her chest to regain her composure, her eyes downcast, unable to bear looking at Cheng Qiuyi's reaction.
Cheng Qiuyi silently stared at Liu Shuhan, a dull ache forming in her head. The moment Liu Shuhan walked in, Cheng Qiuyi seemed to have already foreseen the outcome. She closed her eyes, savoring the lingering taste of congee in her mouth, which turned bitter and spread through her senses. Her eyelashes fluttered gently, and after a long pause, she opened her eyes, raised her hand to wipe away the cool moisture from her eyes, and a soft smile appeared on her lips. “Shu Han, tomorrow is the Mid-Autumn Festival.”
Liu Shuhan was stunned for a few seconds, realizing that indeed tomorrow was the Mid-Autumn Festival. In previous years, she either spent it with her parents or worked overtime, always surrounded by a lively group of people. This year, however, with her parents traveling and the company on holiday, she found herself with nowhere to go.
“Shu Han, I want to eat mooncakes.”
But Cheng Qiuyi didn’t like mooncakes, Liu Shuhan thought. Cheng Qiuyi preferred lighter flavors and couldn’t handle overly sweet or salty foods; how could she possibly like something as sweet and salty as mooncakes?
“I'll have A-Zhi order two boxes for you and deliver them tomorrow.”
“I want to eat the ones you make.” Cheng Qiuyi insisted stubbornly. “Shu Han, let’s go home and make mooncakes together.”
Liu Shuhan shook her head with a bitter smile. “Qiu Yi, I’m leaving. Take care of yourself.” There were countless things she wanted to say: remember to eat on time when I'm not around, don’t stay up too late because your eyes tend to swell, drink less when socializing because it’s bad for your health… Liu Shuhan parted her lips but eventually swallowed those words. Cheng Qiuyi would find someone else who had the right to say those things; after all, when had she ever listened to what Liu Shuhan said?
“Don’t go.” Cheng Qiuyi grasped Liu Shuhan’s wrist tightly. “Shu Han, why?”
Cheng Qiuyi didn’t understand. Just the day before, Liu Shuhan had shown signs of softening; how could she suddenly become as hard as stone? The words "break up" were spoken so decisively, leaving no room for reconciliation. Cheng Qiuyi wanted to know what grave mistake she had made that led Liu Shuhan to sentence her to death without hesitation.
With her head tilted back towards Cheng Qiuyi, Liu Shuhan blinked hard, forcing back the warm tears pooling in her eyes. With a determined heart, she brushed off Cheng Qiuyi’s hand. “There’s no reason, Cheng Qiuyi. I don’t love you anymore.”
“You're lying!” Cheng Qiuyi raised her voice at Liu Shuhan’s retreating figure. “Liu Shuhan, you’re lying.”
Liu Shuhan paused for a moment but didn’t turn back as she strode toward the door of the hospital room. Panic surged within Cheng Qiuyi. She yanked out the IV needle from her hand, a small bead of blood forming at the injection site. In a rush, she took two steps at once and pressed against the door before Liu Shuhan could leave. “Liu Shuhan, you promised we would grow old together. Have you forgotten?”
“I can’t do it.” Liu Shuhan clenched her fists at her sides. “Cheng Qiuyi, I can’t do it. Being with you is too exhausting; growing old together is such a long time—I’m tired of it. I can’t do it.”
"No, you're lying, it's all fake... you're lying!" Cheng Qiuyi held Liu Shuhan's shoulders tightly. "Shu Han, I was wrong to hide the matter about A-Ying from you. I admit it, but I did it for your own good. Please give me one more chance, okay?"
Liu Shuhan remained silent, and Cheng Qiuyi panicked. She pulled Liu Shuhan into her embrace and hurriedly apologized, "Shu Han, I didn't consider your feelings. I was arrogant and disregarded how you felt, and I made you sad..."
"Shu Han, I don't want to break up. Shu Han, I can't live without you, Shu Han..." Cheng Qiuyi whispered against Liu Shuhan's cheek. "What will I do if you leave?..." Cheng Qiuyi had done so much to clear all obstacles on their path to the future together, and now that they were finally at the last step, Liu Shuhan didn't want her anymore. What did everything in the past mean?
"What will I do without you?"
Liu Shuhan felt a lump in her throat. She raised her hand halfway as if wanting to embrace Cheng Qiuyi again, wanting to tell her that she was just kidding and that she still loved her and they should grow old together... But her hand slowly fell back down.
She leaned against Cheng Qiuyi's chest and took a deep breath, trying to absorb the last bit of warmth from this person. Then she firmly pushed her away. "Cheng Qiuyi, thank you, goodbye."
Cheng Qiuyi watched helplessly as the person she had promised to protect for a lifetime pushed her away and walked steadily into the distance.
She leaned against the door frame and slowly slid down to the ground, hugging her knees and curling up into a small ball. Cheng Qiuyi had nothing in this life except for Liu Shuhan, and now even Liu Shuhan didn't want her anymore. She had wanted to do everything good for Liu Shuhan; how had it ended up like this?
Cheng Qiuyi had never cared for anyone before; falling in love with Liu Shuhan meant giving her whole heart to her. Yet Liu Shuhan simply said thank you and goodbye.
"Shu Han, how can I love you correctly? Please teach me."
Liu Shuhan stood by the crosswalk, unsure of where to go. This city was so big; apart from Cheng Qiuyi's place, she had nowhere else to turn.
Liu Shuhan dialed her mother's number. Xu Ruyun's voice came through the phone. "You little brat, finally remembered your mother?" Her voice was as loud as ever. Hearing her mother's familiar loud voice made Liu Shuhan's tears flow uncontrollably as she choked out, "Mom..." She bit her lip and sobbed while wiping her tears with the back of her hand, but they kept flowing.
"Shu Han, what's wrong?" Xu Ruyun sensed something was off with her daughter and hurriedly comforted her. "Don't cry, my good girl. Who bullied you? Tell me; I'll help you teach them a lesson! Stop crying, okay?" When her own comforting words failed, she shouted for Liu Sen, "Her dad! Our daughter has been bullied! Come quickly!"
Liu Shuhan thought to herself that she should be stronger; it was just a breakup—why was she crying? There were plenty of couples in this world who broke up without shedding tears. Stop crying, stop crying. Liu Shuhan squatted by the roadside and slapped herself hard across the face. "Liu Shuhan, stop crying..."
On the other end of the line came Liu Sen's voice. "Shu Han, if you've been wronged, tell your mom and me. Don't keep it all inside by yourself."
Liu Shuhan covered her mouth, trying hard not to cry out. After a while, she said, "Dad, Mom, I miss you..."
"Then come back," Liu Sen sighed. "Tomorrow is the Mid-Autumn Festival, a time for family reunions. Child, come home."
A full moon signifies family reunions. But who should Cheng Qiuyi reunite with?
Liu Shuhan booked a ticket home but first decided to visit Cheng Qiuyi's house.
She wanted to move her things out but found there was little to take. Her clothes had been changed several times, still the ones Cheng Qiuyi had replaced out of jealousy months ago. Liu Shuhan stared blankly at a wardrobe full of clothes that were completely different from her previous style and closed it without taking anything.
Then she bent down and carefully pulled out a small box from under the bed. This was her treasured possession for over a decade, long untouched and covered in a thick layer of dust. Liu Shuhan gently wiped off the dust and retrieved a small key from the inner pocket of her white down jacket in the corner of the wardrobe to unlock the box.
The first thing that caught her eye was a few exquisitely crafted pieces of lingerie. Liu Shuhan remembered when she first got together with Cheng Qiuyi and smiled knowingly. She shook her head and put those pieces back into Cheng Qiuyi's wardrobe.
Perhaps it was time to go. Holding her small box, Liu Shuhan stood at the door for one last look. She recalled Cheng Qiuyi saying in the hospital that she wanted to eat mooncakes. So, Liu Shuhan set down the box, walked into the kitchen, and started gathering ingredients like flour, red bean paste, and salted duck eggs.
Traditional mooncakes take time to make, so Liu Shuhan quickly prepared a few snow skin mooncakes. Although they were called mooncakes, she didn't have any molds and ended up making a few lopsided balls that somewhat resembled square shapes but didn’t look much like mooncakes at all.
Qiu Yi, I'm sorry. Liu Shuhan took off the key to Cheng Qiuyi's house and placed it at the entrance.
I still love you, but I can’t be with you anymore.
Cheng Qiuyi didn’t know how long she had been sitting against the door until a nurse came in for rounds and noticed her along with the IV drip she had neglected. The nurse hesitated to reprimand Cheng Qiuyi directly due to her status and instead indirectly expressed some complaints, but Cheng Qiuyi ignored them.
Late at night, Yuan Ying quietly arrived at the hospital and informed Cheng Qiuyi that their plan was going smoothly; Ye Jing would be finished with the Cheng Family tomorrow. Cheng Qiuyi no longer cared which family would fall first; she felt that after doing so much, it all seemed meaningless and had cost her the most important person in her life.
"Qiu Yi, what's wrong?" Yuan Ying asked in confusion.
"A-Ying, I’m heartbroken," Cheng Qiuyi said while fiddling with her phone. Locking and unlocking it again revealed Liu Shuhan's face filling the entire screen, her round eyes staring intently at Cheng Qiuyi with affectionate brows. "A-Ying, Shu Han doesn’t want me anymore. What should I do?"
Cheng Qiuyi looked completely at a loss, like a child who had lost its support, helpless and pitiable.
Yuan Ying had seen her like this the first time they met.
They met in the same hospital, both severe patients suffering from depression, with no hope for treatment. Yuan Ying became friends with Cheng Qiuyi just like that, and later, miraculously, both of their conditions improved. Eventually, Cheng Qiuyi told her that the person she liked was a woman. Cheng Qiuyi said she was a lesbian and looked at Yuan Ying anxiously after saying it, wearing the same expression of fear and uncertainty.
Yuan Ying was a few years older than Cheng Qiuyi. Sitting side by side in a corner, she gently touched Cheng Qiuyi's head and shared her past. Yuan Ying had once liked a woman who betrayed her.
"What happened next?" Cheng Qiuyi asked at that time.
Yuan Ying lit a cigarette and spoke indifferently through the smoke, "Later, she died." She offered the cigarette pack to Cheng Qiuyi. "Want one?"
Cheng Qiuyi declined, "I quit."
As an observer, Yuan Ying gradually learned about Cheng Qiuyi's love life.
Cheng Qiuyi's love almost made Yuan Ying believe that true love existed in this world. But now it seemed that it truly did not.
Yuan Ying sat beside Cheng Qiuyi like she had long ago, but this time without a cigarette since smoking was not allowed in the hospital. She wanted to tell Cheng Qiuyi that love was so illusory; only young girls experiencing their first crush would believe in such things.
But she said, "If she doesn't want you anymore, then you should win her back."
Yuan Ying envied Cheng Qiuyi for still believing in love at her age. She often wondered if she and He Mo Qian had not taken that step back then, would she also be as naive as Cheng Qiuyi now? Or perhaps Cheng Qiuyi was lucky to have met someone even more innocent than herself—Liu Shuhan.
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