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墨書 Inktalez
She opened WeChat while crying, hot tears falling into her palms. She raised her hand to wipe them away, but found she couldn't stop; her hands and palms were filled with the tears of her regret.
She opened his chat interface and stared at the familiar blank profile picture. She had so much to say to him, but in that moment, she realized she couldn't utter a word.
It was as if she had suddenly lost her ability to organize her thoughts, as if all her capacity for reasoning had vanished. She was engulfed in deep self-blame.
"Qin Xian, I'm sorry."
In the end, she spoke up, her voice trembling with suppressed sobs as she apologized to him with regret.
Once the words were out, she was already in tears.
She crouched on the ground, burying her head and crying uncontrollably.
Her personality leaned towards the negative.
Many times, she was afraid of making mistakes, afraid that she might inadvertently hurt others.
Once she made a mistake, she would fall into endless self-blame and regret.
Caught in a predicament, she would struggle to escape, allowing it to bind her and giving up resistance.
This was the aftermath of that incident.
It had entangled her for many years.
She waited for a long time, but her phone remained silent, as if it didn't exist at all.
Just like her heart, quiet as if it had stopped beating.
With a "ding," the elevator finally opened slowly.
Shu Ran hurriedly stood up, lowering her head to wipe the tears from her face, not wanting passersby to see her in such a disheveled state.
Footsteps echoed from inside the elevator, and Shu Ran quickly stepped aside, afraid of blocking others' way.
Unexpectedly, a tall figure suddenly stopped in front of her.
"Crying?"
A familiar and cold voice.
Shu Ran looked up abruptly, her red eyes reflecting Qin Xian's figure.
He stood before her with his hands lazily tucked in his pockets, taking his time, his icy gaze firmly locking onto her without a word.
Shu Ran, in disbelief, covered her mouth. The next moment, she finally took a step forward and almost flew into his arms.
"Qin Xian, Qin Xian." She held him tightly, resting her forehead against his broad chest. Through her sobs, she repeatedly called his name as if he would disappear at any moment.
Qin Xian allowed her to hold him, his expression indifferent, saying nothing.
"I'm sorry, Qin Xian, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it; I misunderstood you." Shu Ran cried as she apologized to him, her voice weak and pitiful. "Please don't be angry."
But throughout it all, Qin Xian kept his hands in his pockets. He did not accept her apology or respond by holding her tightly; he merely looked at her with an air of taciturnity.
Shu Ran also sensed it; there seemed to be a sudden layer of unfamiliar distance between them.
It turns out that Shu Ran's sixth sense was not wrong.
Qin Xian remained calm, silent for a long time, and finally spoke, but his first words were, "You don't trust me because you don't love me, right?"
Everyone could distrust Qin Xian, but Shu Ran could not.
He cared.
He cared so much about her, about her every glance, every smile, every word.
She was his only weakness, his only hope, his only salvation.
If she questioned him, if she did not trust him.
He dared not think; he did not know what he would do.
Upon hearing this, Shu Ran tightened her grip on his sleeve and shook her head vigorously in denial. "No, Qin Xian, that's not true."
Qin Xian did not listen to her explanation and smiled self-deprecatingly. "This is the second time, Shu Ran."
The second time she blindly believed others' evaluations of him without confirming for herself or truly understanding him, directly condemning him.
The last time it was Zhou Jiajia.
This time it was Xu Yan Ying.
What about next time?
She had no trust in him; in her eyes, what kind of person was he?
Shu Ran had a premonition that if she did not deny it or explain herself to him soon, they would never have any connection again in this lifetime.
She held him tightly, the warmth of her body gradually driving away the coldness that enveloped him. "I admit, at first I really was afraid of you. I never dared to understand you."
"When I met you, I thought, someone like you, so high above, how could you possibly like someone as ordinary as me? You would only be playing around."
"I knew nothing about you, and I didn't know how to face or understand you. I didn't dare to try; I was afraid of making you angry."
"I am someone without strong opinions. When I don't know what to do, I can only ask Zhou Jiajia. I do whatever she says, but I forgot that feelings are a matter between two people."
"I was wrong. From the very beginning, I gave up on understanding you, on understanding the real Qin Xian."
"But as for whether I love you," she suddenly stood on her tiptoes, her long, fair hand slowly wrapping around his neck. She closed her eyes and pressed a deep kiss on his cold lips.
Their lips intertwined; her kissing technique was gentle and pure.
But it made him understand, made him see her heart.
As the kiss ended, she opened her eyes, a slight blush on her face. In her clear eyes surged a love for him—repressed yet intense.
"Do you understand now?"
Their gazes locked, like stars illuminating the dark and deep endless night sky, in an instant radiating brilliance, bright as day.
This was her unprecedented initiative, different from the kiss when she was drunk and different from the shy avoidance of that other kiss.
It was her willingness, her complete openness.
It was her passionate and intense feelings.
In an instant, the ice melted, and everything revived.
Her submission, her honesty, ultimately dissolved the sense of distance between them.
Qin Xian looked at her and slowly withdrew his hand from his pocket. He wrapped his arms around her slender waist from below, forcing her to press tightly against him. His slightly narrowed eyes revealed a mischievous glint, locking onto her crimson lips.
He tugged at the corner of his mouth, revealing a slight upward curve, and teasingly said, "If you kiss me again, I’ll understand."
Seeing him finally speak, Shu Ran blinked her eyes, unable to hide her joy, and excitedly said, "You’re not angry anymore? I… um..."
Before she could finish her sentence, her red lips were sealed by a kiss—biting, entangling, attacking, in the usual assertive style of Qin Xian.
Qin Xian felt hopeless; all his anger seemed to vanish when he heard her voice tinged with tears, as if he wanted to be drenched by a heavy rain that would wash away his frustration.
Now, her innocent and inexperienced kiss dispelled all his anger towards her.
Truly...
He owed her from his past life.
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