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墨書 Inktalez
Simple and Jian Ming were shocked to see An Shaojie like this; it was the first time they had seen him in such a state.
"What’s wrong, An Shaojie?" An Shaomin exclaimed in surprise.
After their chat last night, she had secretly felt pleased that he had changed, no longer the wounded lion of the past, but a stable and calm man who put others at ease. How could he revert to his former state in just one morning?
He leaned against the door frame, resting his head on it. After a long while, he finally lifted his head and, with a gloomy expression, said, "It's nothing, just feeling a bit unwell."
Having said that, he ignored the strange looks from An Shaomin and Jian Ming and staggered upstairs, leaving Shaw Min, Jian Ming, and Simple staring at his retreating figure in confusion.
Once inside his room, he closed the door and leaned against it, gasping for breath as if he were suffocating. It was an unbearable discomfort he had never experienced before.
He recalled the night when Sister was insulted; he felt as if the most beautiful thing in the world had been destroyed, a pain that pierced his heart.
The discomfort he faced now was similar to that time, as if something precious in his world had been taken away by someone else, no longer belonging to him. He wanted to grasp it but couldn't; he didn't want it taken from him but felt powerless to reclaim it.
He wanted to howl and scream, just like back then, releasing his inner pain in a desolate place. However, he was no longer that reckless youth who could lash out like a lion; he could no longer question the heavens as he did before. Everything was his own choice—who could he ask? What could he vent?
Thus, he could only lean against the door, suppressing the tumultuous pain within him. He would not let others see his suffering; he was no longer the destitute boy of yesteryears. Now he had enough strength to protect himself and his family. He was not weak; he was strong and unbreakable.
After pressing his hand against his chest for a while, he finally released it. Let the pain be; it wouldn't break him again.
He walked to the bedside and collapsed onto the bed, tightly wrapping himself in the blanket to keep warm and prevent his body from trembling.
That evening, when An Shaojie suddenly announced that he would return to Beijing earlier than planned, Bai Cuifang slammed the dishes onto the dining table. Ignoring Simple and Jian Ming's presence, she showed her displeasure. "You left without a word for six years! If it weren't for your sister, people would think I was abandoned by my children. Now that you’ve finally come back home, you want to leave after just one day? Is this how an unfilial son behaves?"
Bai Cuifang dropped the dishes and directly got up to return to her room. Shaw Min, Simple, and Jian Ming were all stunned.
Bai Cuifang had always had a good temper and rarely lost her temper. Her sudden stern expression startled everyone, and An Shaojie, holding his bowl of rice, didn't know what to say.
After dinner, Shaw Min and Jian Ming were packing things in their room. Since it wasn't during school vacation, Jian Ming and Shaw Min still had their class responsibilities and had only taken a few days off. They came directly to Liu Family Village after returning from school yesterday and hadn't gone back to Jian Ming's home yet.
Simple and Chen Yang, after returning from Beijing, also headed straight for Liu Family Village without going back to their own homes. Their trip back to Beijing was not easy either; they had to negotiate for a few days off, and both sets of parents urged them to visit their respective homes for a short stay. So they were also tidying up their things, preparing to go back to Jian Ming's home first with Jian Ming and Shaw Min tomorrow. After that, Simple would accompany Chen Yang to his home in the Provincial Capital before returning to Beijing.
Moreover, none of them wanted An Shaojie to take this opportunity to leave with them. At this moment, they were unwilling for An Shaojie to follow them. None of them wanted to bring him along.
Thus, after dinner, the few of them locked themselves in the room to pack their things, fearing that An Shaojie would knock on the door at any moment and say, "I'll go with you tomorrow!"
Now they wanted nothing more than to avoid him.
With nowhere else to go, An Shaojie returned to his room. After lying down for a while, he still knocked on Bai Cuifang's door.
Bai Cuifang was sitting by the window, seemingly waiting for him.
Although he entered the room, he didn't know what to say at first and stood behind her.
"You tell me, why did you suddenly go abroad back then?" The words he had kept in his heart for six years finally came out.
After standing for a while, An Shaojie walked over to the window beside Bai Cuifang and slowly said, "Mother, six years ago, if I said I went abroad for love, would you believe me?"
Bai Cuifang turned to look at him, not expecting such honesty from him. She knew her son well; although he was a man, his heart was deeper than the sea. Since childhood, he had buried all his thoughts inside and never spoke his true feelings to anyone.
As for love, over the years, Bai Cuifang did not know if he had ever experienced true love or if he had genuinely loved Qinglan.
So she stared at him for a long time, as if trying to discern from his face whether his words were true or false.
He sat down next to Bai Cuifang, but his gaze was directed out the window. "Mother, do you look at me this way because you don't believe that I truly loved her?"
Bai Cuifang's previously serious expression softened slightly as she reached out to smooth the hair on his forehead. She had been filled with anger and ready to question him, but looking at his still thin face and gloomy eyes, which showed no more happiness than before, her heart softened again.
"My son, since you love her, why do you want to leave her? Although I have lived a life of poverty, I have never asked much of you. I have never demanded that you achieve greatness; I only need you to be a decent person, treat others sincerely, and love sincerely."
"Mother, do you think I followed Su Hailu abroad just to achieve greatness?" He turned his face to ask, his tone calm but tinged with faint sadness.
Bai Cuifang looked at him.
"I have never aspired to greatness." He stood up and gazed out at the dark night, which was as deep and unfathomable as a black hole. "If I say that my efforts since childhood were to make her admire me, to keep her gaze fixed on me, would you believe it, Mother?"
Bai Cuifang stood behind him without answering but said lightly, "Your father left us early. I couldn't provide you and your sister with the same good life that other children had—having everything they wanted and living comfortably. But I have always done my best to ensure that both of you received an education. Many families in the village are better off than us, yet their parents did not help their children finish their studies."
An Shaojie turned around and stared blankly at her.
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