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墨書 Inktalez
"Mother..." An Shaojie called out weakly to Bai Cuifang.
When had he ever been this weak? Even as a child, when bullied, he never showed any signs of weakness, always like a bull ready to fight at any moment.
Bai Cuifang looked at him with a pained heart, reaching out to touch his thin face. Her cold and rough fingertips slowly glided over his cheek, to his eyes, to his brows, and finally to his forehead.
This feeling was so familiar, lingering in his memory—hands gently caressing his face, sliding over his lips, to his eyes and brows. It was the warmest moment deep in his heart.
That moment was fleeting, disappearing in an instant before he could grasp it, but he remembered that warmth. During many cold nights, he relied on the memory of that warmth to comfort himself.
It was on that night six years ago, in the deep night of May in Beijing. Although it wasn't this cold, her fingertips were still slightly cool, gliding over his face like an electric shock, warming his heart little by little, pulling him deeper into despair.
He raised his hand and gently held Bai Cuifang's hand. His eyes were already misty with tears, and his voice choked as he called out again, "Mother..." The sound faltered again, and tears streamed down his face like rain.
Bai Cuifang's hand continued to gently stroke his face, slowly helping him wipe away his tears. "Son, as long as you still love her, that's enough."
That simple and plain statement made An Shaojie break down in tears in Bai Cuifang's embrace. "Mother, I have always loved her, but..."
The brief warm memory from earlier and Bai Cuifang's seemingly plain words—yet filled with the deep emotions of An Shaojie's years of longing—collided together in an instant, causing An Shaojie's heart to ache once more after having just gone through an emotional turmoil that morning.
After collapsing into Bai Cuifang's arms, he nearly fell to the ground in front of her, unable to support himself.
Bai Cuifang held him tightly, patting his back and shoulders.
She understood her son well; he rarely showed emotion, but when he did, it was profound.
From last night when he suddenly changed his schedule to return to Beijing, to tonight when he unexpectedly decided to leave early again, Bai Cuifang knew that he must have gone through a significant emotional upheaval.
Looking at his sorrowful face and helpless eyes, Bai Cuifang swallowed her intention to question him and all the resentment and dissatisfaction she had accumulated over the years, leaving only concern and affection for him.
Since he had always loved her, it was evident how difficult it had been for him to live alone abroad all these years.
"Two unfortunate children... Since you love each other, why did you go through so much turmoil back then? You wasted the best years. Young ones, so young..." Bai Cuifang cried out, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably, choked with emotion.
Recalling her own life of suffering, although she did not experience the dazzling love that young people have in their eyes, she too had longed for love throughout her life. She understood the pain and bitterness of love. While her love may not have been as heart-wrenching as that of today's youth, she could endure and transform her deepest affections into a calm demeanor. Yet, she still felt those intense emotions that could erupt at any moment, allowing her to deeply empathize with feelings that were as overwhelming as a landslide.
She tightened her embrace around him as he suppressed his voice and sobbed, "Mother, have I done many wrong things... Is it too late for everything... Am I suffering because of my own actions... I..."
"It's not too late... As long as there is love, it's never too late," Bai Cuifang interrupted him passionately.
He continued to sob while she gently patted his back, just like when he was a child.
No, Bai Cuifang closed her eyes in pain, recalling his childhood.
As a child, he was so stubborn; no matter what injuries or hardships he faced, he never showed them when he returned home in front of her.
In her memories, aside from the night Shaw Min was insulted when he cried loudly at home, he had almost never cried in front of her or his sister.
That time was similar; he knelt before her, trembling as if there was an explosive force within him urging him to cry out loudly but unable to support his frail body. That night, mother and son held each other tightly, one crying out "Son..." while the other choked out "Mother..." weakly.
At that time, they felt so helpless, as if the world had closed the door to happiness for them, leaving only darkness before their eyes.
Aside from that, he never cried again, always using his enduring strength to support his humble pride. No matter how bitter or painful it was, he always wrapped his weakness and tears in his hardness and indifference, not allowing outsiders to see it. Even in front of her and Shaw Min, he never showed any sign of vulnerability, not shedding a single tear, always pretending to be strong like an adult, bearing all his pain and suffering on his frail shoulders without sharing even a bit with her or his Sister, fearing that they would suffer because of him.
When he was young, she had never treated him like this. In her eyes, she had always treated him like an adult, demanding rigorously from him. Even when others were rude to him or mocked him, she insisted that he greet people with a smile and be polite. He had never seen himself as a child; he never acted spoiled, never cried or threw tantrums, and was always obedient despite being cold and tough.
How could it be like today, sobbing in her arms like a baby?
Bai Cuifang held him tightly, feeling heartbroken. Since he had never cried in her arms as a child, now let him be a child for once as an adult; let him cry freely in her embrace!
After a long time had passed, the surroundings fell silent. The laughter of Shaw Min and the others downstairs also ceased. The room was very quiet, with only An Shaojie's faint sobs remaining, the sound of him sniffing like a baby.
Bai Cuifang slowly lifted his head. "Child, if you love her, go boldly to find her and tell her that you have always loved her."
"But... Mother..." An Shaojie looked up at Bai Cuifang with tear-stained cheeks and helpless eyes that seemed dull and lost like a baby.
Bai Cuifang gently stroked his head and asked with concern, "Are you worried that she no longer loves you? Worried that she has someone else? Or that someone else loves her? Are you lacking confidence?"
"Yes." An Shaojie nodded, looking at her with searching eyes.
"Child, I don't know her feelings right now either. But that doesn't matter. If you want to start over, anything can begin anew. You just need to tell her that you still love her and have always loved her; everything else can be left to fate. In this life, living is all about the heart. If you put your heart out there for someone else, that's enough. Don't think about the results or gains and losses; then you can live happily."
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