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I was forced to accept the "treatment" arranged by Lu Ming. He appeared only a few times, while Lu Shuang would come to my bedside at night to talk to me about elementary school, homework, and teachers, without mentioning Lu Ming at all.
She had no questions about my sudden appearance or my strange demeanor.
There was always a woman in the room; whenever I needed something, she would glance at me and then come over to ask what I needed. She would help me.
One day I asked her, "Can you help me leave?"
She shook her head. "No, I can't."
I really didn't want any useless help, but due to my bodily needs, I still had to rely on her for food, water, cleanliness, and other necessities. I felt weak all over, yet my mind remained alert when I wasn't sleeping.
So every time Gu Xiang came, I knew he would check my temperature and blood pressure and talk with me about many things.
I was so lonely. Counting the sunrises and sunsets, it might have only been three days, but out of sheer boredom, I was counting every second as if I were enduring a long wait.
"Dr. Gu, are you trying to harm me?"
Gu Xiang smiled. "No, we're friends. I want to chat with you. You're sick, and I want to help you."
"I want to leave. Can you help me?"
"It's nice here; don't be in such a hurry to leave. You need to rest and need help. Once you're better, I promise you'll be able to go out."
Gu Xiang blinked at me, and I tried asking him in a different way.
More directly, more realistically.
"Dr. Gu, is your help forcing me to calm down and restricting my freedom?"
I couldn't possibly suddenly feel weak all over and lie in bed like a vegetable. When I first arrived, Gu Xiang explained to me that this was a newly introduced physical therapy method that posed no harm to my body. He also clarified that his intentions were not to harm me in any way.
Everything was for my own good.
Gu Xiang wasn't angry; he smiled and shook his head. "Of course not. It's just that you are very likely to engage in self-destructive behavior right now. This approach helps you control and stabilize your emotions so you can return to normal life better, doesn't it?"
I knew very well that I had no normal life to speak of. It was already a miracle that I could count the days on my fingers and keep going.
"You are a rational woman who understands what I'm saying. Cooperate with me, relax, and have a chat. It will be good for you. Don't let yourself continue to sink deeper and hurt yourself, okay?"
How could I possibly hurt myself? I strongly disagreed with the "I" in Gu Xiang's statement.
Because I loved myself, I was striving for the losses of the past. The psychologist's perspective was truly strange; Lu Ming had even said I had mild depression. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't depression; I was just too sad and unable to accept reality.
I turned my head slightly and caught a glimpse of the corner of the balcony, where there were leaves and sunlight, along with freedom and hope.
"Dr. Gu, I don't know what you're talking about."
Gu Xiang continued to visit me as usual, chatting with me and encouraging me to speak. On the fourth night, when I still hadn't fallen asleep, I heard the sound of the door opening and clear footsteps.
They stopped at my bedside.
I opened my eyes and looked at his face, which was somewhat clear in the darkness. I should have hated him deeply, yet I gazed at him calmly as if there were still waters.
"I heard you've been cooperating pretty well. If you want to go outside, try a little harder."
"Do you know that I think you're an asshole?"
"Yeah, I know."
"You gain nothing from all this. You're a businessman, yet you're doing something pointless?"
Lu Ming sneered, "Consider it a good deed. Good deeds don't require a purpose."
"Doing good doesn't wash away your despicable nature."
After a moment of silence, he replied, "What is deemed good or evil is determined by heaven; you don't need to worry about it."
"That applies to you as well."
I truly wanted to open Lu Ming's head and forcefully instill the idea that "my matters have nothing to do with you." No matter how many times I repeated it, he continued to act as if he had never heard it, unilaterally arranging everything in my life and making me follow his lead.
I couldn't forget that the day after I arrived here, Lu Ming told me that my parents had informed him about my business trip and that I wouldn't be worried for the next couple of days.
I just laughed.
"Lu Ming, my dad is a criminal police officer."
He wasn't like a three-year-old child who could be easily deceived with an excuse. If he wanted me to go on a business trip, why didn't he inform my dad directly? Why let Lu Ming spout nonsense?
Yet Lu Ming remained calm. "I know. Don't worry; your parents won't suspect anything, nor will anyone else."
"Anyone else" referred to Wang Xu, didn't it?
His assured tone left me speechless. As these few days passed, nothing indeed happened. If Lu Ming had contacted Wang Nan, then Wang Nan wouldn't allow Lu Ming to treat me this way; he would tell Miao Miao and come help me... right?
I wasn't sure and didn't dare to speculate too much. After all, Lu Ming was too powerful for me to handle, and I lay here like a corpse, just passing the time.
During this period, I thought of many people: Wang Xu, my grandmother, Deng Xiaomei, Miao Miao, Dong Lu, and Song Qi. They circled around in my life, yet when I recalled them, I couldn't muster the same anger as before.
Gu Xiang occasionally asks me, "Do you hate them?"
"I do."
How could I ignore the torment of that time, carrying the burden of humiliation and responsibility? My inbox still holds evidence left by Miao Miao before leaving, and I have a promise with my mother-in-law.
Song Qi may have already blocked me on WeChat, and I will become the liar in his eyes.
These thoughts come to me while lying in bed, reflecting on how quickly time passes and how much there is still to do.
Then Gu Xiang asks me, "How can you let go?"
"I can't let go."
I think.
It seems I will never be able to let go.
The blows and persecutions they inflicted on me have shaped who I am now, turning me into someone who only sees revenge. They changed me; how can I revert back?
Gu Xiang: "Your emotions seem much more stable. Remember to take your medication after you leave, and adjust your emotions."
I don't know if my emotions are truly stable. I still think about the past every day because I'm bored and have nothing to do. Some things can replay in my mind many times, but as I think about them, it feels different from before.
I still want revenge; I will still retaliate, but my emotions are strange and hard to articulate.
I just know that the thought of leaving excites me. Gu Xiang is a doctor, and his words imply there is hope.
On the sixth day, he asks me, "If you leave, who do you want to see the most?"
"I want to see my parents."
I still wasn't ready to tell them everything, but during this long time, I missed them the most. I wanted to have a meal with them, filled with laughter and joy.
Not talking about Wang Xu.
On the seventh or eighth day, Lu Shuang stood by my bed with her pink backpack, smiling at me. She said her school was on break, and her face was lit up with the words "I want to play everywhere."
I was happy for her and said, "Shuangshuang is so good. Aunt Zhuang will take you out to play."
Lu Shuang was delighted: "Aunt Zhuang, you're here now, so take me out to play right away."
I shook my head: "Aunt Zhuang can't do that right now. Can you tell Dad for me? Tell him that Aunt Zhuang wants to take you out to play."
She nodded and promised me.
"Okay."
Little did I know that my few playful words to Lu Shuang would become the key to my liberation. Perhaps it was because I had stopped the injections earlier that I regained my strength. I could get out of bed and walk around lightly within a couple of days.
Lu Ming stood in front of me and said, "Where do you want to go? I'll take you."
Hearing the long-lost freedom felt somewhat unreal, but I had already put on the new clothes Lu Ming prepared for me. Feeling the real sunlight was like every pore opening up to breathe in the air.
As Lu Ming and I stood downstairs, just as he was about to turn around to drive me, I called out to him. When he turned back, I slapped him across the face.
A red mark appeared on Lu Ming's cheek. He frowned but didn't seem angry.
"Don't worry, the medication you gave me hasn't lost its effect; it's just..." I paused and smiled. Perhaps freedom was too wonderful; I felt no discomfort at all in my heart. "I've been remembering every day, reminding myself that this day would come, and I won't let you have it easy."
It was not an impulse; it was a long-planned scheme. I had waited almost ten days for this slap from Lu Ming. For them, this time was about saving a woman who was self-destructive and suffering from depression; for me, it was a torment that lasted so many days.
I couldn't let Lu Ming take this slap; I couldn't get over it in my heart.
In the end, he didn't get angry. He drove out of the garage and stopped abruptly less than a meter in front of me.
Although I didn't believe in Lu Ming's driving skills, I simply hadn't thought to dodge. He must have been retaliating out of spite for that slap earlier, but I ultimately achieved victory without any harm.
After being imprisoned for such a long time, being able to comfort myself like this was something only I, who had finally gained freedom, could think of.
To be honest, I was still hesitant to provoke Lu Ming. Ten days ago, I tasted the bitter fruit of my actions, and ten days later, I cherished my present even more. As I got out of Lu Ming's car, he handed me a bag of things.
"You need to take these medications according to the instructions; you can't delay."
I stood at the familiar hotel entrance, where Lu Ming had booked a room upstairs. I smiled and replied with a soft "mm," watching his car drive away. Before entering the hotel, I stood by a trash can and casually threw the heavy bag into it.
Everything happened in calmness, but the outcome would not be so.
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