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“Zhuang Jun, what are you thinking about? You’ve been lost in thought these past few days. Are you feeling unwell?” My mom waved her hand in front of me to get my attention, her probing gaze fixed on my face.
“I’m fine, Mom. I was just thinking. For the New Year, you’re planning to go back home, right?”
I was pushing a shopping cart beside my mom and noticed it was already filled with various food items. Meanwhile, I had been distracted, pondering the discussion I had with Miao Miao yesterday.
“Yes, this wine is for your Second Aunt's family, and this cured meat is for your Fourth Aunt's family. Take a look and see if there’s anything else we need to prepare so we can buy it all at once. There are so many people shopping right now; we don’t want to find out later that we’re missing something.”
My mom bent slightly to check the items in the cart. Looking at her serious profile, I hesitated before saying, “Mom, I’m not going back this New Year.”
She straightened up immediately, frowning at me. “What’s wrong? Didn’t we agree to go home together for the New Year? With what happened with Wang Xu, where else would you go? You can’t just stay home alone during the holidays!”
Feeling awkward, I took her hand and pushed the cart with one hand while explaining, “It’s not like that, Mom. I think I should go see Wang Xu’s family. After all these years of marriage, I haven’t visited much. It would be good to drop by and say hello.”
“That’s not acceptable! You’re planning to get a divorce and then going to his hometown? You’ll come back and get divorced; people will talk! Besides, didn’t you say you were pregnant?” My mom’s voice gradually lowered. “If you go back now and someone finds out, it’ll be embarrassing!”
She was right; I had also considered and worried about that aspect. The chances of being exposed were high with so many relatives around Wang Xu’s family. However, my conversation with Miao Miao kept replaying in my mind; I couldn’t shake it off. This was a rare opportunity to deal with both Wang Xu and my mother-in-law at once. If I let this chance slip away, it would truly be a mistake.
Eventually, as my “pregnancy” timeline extended, it would become evident that I was lying; the truth would unravel itself. How Wang Xu would react afterward was an unknown.
This was a gamble; if I was going to bet, I might as well go all in. Besides, I no longer had any chips left in hand—if I didn’t gamble, I would lose everything outright.
“I know, Mom. I've thought this through already. Anyway, you and Dad should go back home for the New Year. I'll handle things here myself; don’t worry—I won’t get into trouble.”
My reassurance didn’t seem to help much as my mom immediately opposed me: “Have you really thought this through?! These are serious matters, Zhuang Jun! Do you think Wang Xu’s hometown is a place you can just go?”
Standing in line by the checkout counter, my mom's raised voice began attracting glances from those nearby. I tugged at her sleeve to signal her to lower her voice and also lowered mine.
"I have really thought it through, so you can rest assured that I won't cause any problems. After I get home, I will talk to Dad myself. Let's settle the bill first."
My mom sighed deeply. I didn't dare to look at her, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes. What she didn't know was that I truly couldn't stop; there was no turning back for me.
Promising my mom, I found my dad after getting home and brought up the topic of where to spend the New Year. He was feeding the Parrot, and while I spoke, he had his back to me and didn't say anything. It wasn't until I finished that he stopped what he was doing, set things down, and turned around.
"What do you want to do at Wang Xu's hometown? Tell me," my dad said, his scrutinizing gaze startling me.
"I don't want to do anything, Dad. I rarely go back to Wang Xu's place. Although we had a fight, I think it's important to maintain good relations with relatives. I just want to go back with him once, for two or three days, and then I'll be back. You can trust me, Dad."
After hearing my explanation, my dad's expression darkened. He solemnly asked me again.
"I'm asking you what exactly you want to do."
His serious demeanor made me feel anxious. I hadn't forgotten my dad's profession and couldn't ignore his keen intuition; he must have guessed what I was planning. Suppressing my inner tension, I pretended to be calm.
"Dad, I have things I want to do. You and Mom can rest assured; I'll handle it well. Just this once, okay?"
No matter how many lies I told, I couldn't fool my dad, but I also couldn't reveal the naked truth to him. My parents had always taught me to be a good person since childhood, and my current plan had nothing to do with kindness. This was an opportunity that I had to seize even if it meant disappointing them; I had no other choice.
"Ah." My dad's gaze wavered as if he wanted to say something, but after a long pause, he didn't utter a word about what we just discussed.
I stood in the study with my head down, unable to look at him. All I wanted to say to my parents was a series of apologies—really, truly sorry, Dad.
"You can make your own decisions regarding your matters. We're getting old and don't want you to think we're out of touch or clueless. Go ahead, but please—please pay attention to safety in all aspects, understand?"
My dad had agreed. I felt a weight lift off my chest and let out a sigh of relief, but it still felt bittersweet; I wanted to cry but held it back.
"I know, Dad. Don't worry, I will call you and Mom every day. Rest assured, I know what I'm doing."
Although it was just a short conversation of less than half an hour, I felt as if I had gone through a catastrophe. As long as my parents agreed, I had taken the first step.
I was as excited as if I had won the first battle of a war. I came out of the study and went into my room, quickly dialing Miao Miao's number. Miao Miao was also very happy when she heard the news: "That's great! As long as Uncle and Aunt give their approval, at least you can go over. If they don't want you to go, then there's nothing more to discuss."
"Yeah," I said, relieved as if I had survived a disaster. "Now it's finally settled. How are things on your end? How's the preparation going?"
Last time I discussed with Miao Miao, she said she would take care of the two doctors.
"Don't worry! I've just found a smooth-talking con artist to act as a folk doctor. I'll find a chance to let your mother-in-law hear these rumors and make her believe that this doctor is an expert in preserving pregnancies. You mentioned before that your pregnancy is unstable, so this will play right into her concerns. Once she believes it, she'll give you the so-called herbal medicine, and causing a miscarriage will be a piece of cake!"
I knew it would be a hundred times more difficult than what Miao Miao described, but after listening to her, I felt invigorated and excited. The thought of what was to come made me feel like I was slowly moving toward an exit.
"Zhuang Jun, I have to remind you that even if everything is ready on my side, the most critical issue is still yours. You absolutely must be careful not to reveal anything in front of anyone. It sounds easy to say, but the more people you encounter, the greater the chance of exposure. You must be cautious! If you get exposed in Wang Xu's hometown, the consequences would be unimaginable, especially since you're in an unfamiliar place."
Yes, thinking about it carefully, it was terrifying—being a spy among enemies; one careless move could reveal that I came from the opposing camp. The original hospitality could turn into cold indifference or even expulsion; who knows how one would be treated before being driven away?
"Yeah, I understand. I've mentally prepared myself for this. Having come this far, if I were to back out at a critical moment, I wouldn't even qualify as a good soldier."
"Exactly! Just think it through. Anyway, be extremely careful. I might have to go to Wang Nan's place during the New Year. I may not be reachable, but I'll try to keep my phone on. If anything happens to you, make sure to call me. I'll do whatever it takes to help you; you can count on me."
Miao Miao's loyalty was truly commendable, but her mention of Wang Nan surprised me even more: "You mean you're going to Wang Nan's place? To meet his parents?"
Through the phone, I could hear Miao Miao's bitter laughter: "Yeah, I'm already at that age, aren't I? It might be a bit difficult, but Wang Nan insists that it's no problem and wants me to go over. I'll just go see how it goes."
Wang Nan and Miao Miao were still not married; partly because Miao Miao herself didn't want to enter into marriage and partly due to Wang Nan's parents' influence.
Wang Nan comes from a very wealthy family, and his parents possess the pride typical of affluent individuals. When Wang Nan and Miao Miao first started dating, they opposed the relationship, questioning how a girl like her could aspire to enter high society, implying it wouldn't be easy. This made Miao Miao, who rarely cried, weep in my arms for an entire night. I still remember the vow she made through gritted teeth at that time.
"If I, Mu Miaomiao, cannot achieve something good, I swear I will not be human!"
I knew that it was Wang Nan's parents who had hurt Miao Miao's long-held sense of pride. She worked exceptionally hard in college and refused job introductions from Wang Nan for fear of being looked down upon. Even when she went abroad recently, it was likely that she was still striving to prove herself.
In order to stand her ground, the struggles she faced were known only to Miao Miao herself. She was never someone who could easily navigate social situations; she forced herself to adapt. Once, with a weary expression, she sighed and told me.
"Zhuang Jun, I also want to be innocent and cherished in someone's embrace, but I can't. If I could let go of Wang Nan, I wouldn't have to work so hard. But now that I'm exhausted yet still have Wang Nan, I'm willing."
It was clear to me how much Miao Miao was struggling and working hard.
But for Wang Nan's parents, it probably wasn't enough. This New Year when Miao Miao visited, who knows what cold words she might encounter? I was still very worried about her and quietly expressed my concern a few times, not daring to say too much for fear of upsetting her.
"I know. Don't worry about me; focus on your own matters. Remember not to expose anything in front of Wang Xu and his mother from the beginning. Also, don't rush to say you want to go back; Wang Xu will come looking for you again soon enough. Just listen to what he has to say before you respond."
Miao Miao reminded me a couple more times before hurriedly hanging up the phone, saying she had things to attend to. Both of us were busy—me and busy Miao Miao.
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