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墨書 Inktalez
With so many people watching me, I couldn't help but feel nervous. I silently reminded myself that I was handling a public matter, as if I were giving a presentation to a group of unfamiliar colleagues—an experience I had gone through before.
"I won't beat around the bush. I'm sure everyone is already aware of what happened today. The Aunts have said that I am at fault, and that is an undeniable fact. Auntie, wouldn't you agree?"
I directed the topic toward the expressionless Auntie sitting next to Elder. She held absolute authority in the conversation, and although she listened to me, she remained silent, pursing her lips in tacit agreement.
"Since we are all relatives here, and I am the daughter-in-law who married into this family and am also a junior, it should have been something we could let go of after some gossip. There’s no need to make a big fuss about it."
As soon as I finished speaking, Auntie perked up: "Yes, yes! This Zhuang Jun is from the city and knows how to be sensible. It was just a small matter; we should let it go."
I scoffed, "Auntie, I haven't finished speaking."
"Alright, go ahead."
"But this matter concerns not just me; it also involves the child in my womb. Since Auntie acknowledges that I am from the city and understand things better, then I must ask: on what basis do you presume to speculate that I am not pregnant? Can you outguess the testing machines at city hospitals? Can you outguess my doctor, Dr. Li, whom I've never met?"
"No, that's not it..." Auntie's face turned pale as she tried to explain but found herself at a loss.
"To be honest, it hasn't been easy for me to carry this child; even I was surprised and cherish it even more. Hearing you say such things truly hurts me. You want me to stay here as if nothing has happened? I think that's impossible." I sighed deeply as Wang Xu grasped my shoulder, looking at me with concern.
I returned him a reassuring glance and forced a smile, deliberately showing my helplessness to stir Wang Xu's emotions.
"Therefore, since this matter arose because of me and concerns me directly, I hope the final decision will be made by me. Mom, what do you think?"
My mother-in-law paused for a moment before nodding immediately: "Alright, we'll do as you say."
"Then it's settled. I can't stay here any longer, but I can't just leave either. It wouldn't be right to let the Aunts continue their doubts. If any Aunt or all of you still have suspicions, you can come with me into the city. There are plenty of hospitals for you to choose from; whichever one you want to go to, we will go together. When the test results come out and prove that my child really exists, then Auntie, this matter cannot be brushed aside so easily. I want the justice that belongs to me; that seems fair enough, right?"
To express my complete confidence, I must speak in a way that conceals any fear or anxiety I might feel inside. My determined demeanor only heightened the unease of the aunts. My mother-in-law chimed in, "Yes, if you don't believe us, why not come with us to the city? You don't trust Dr. Li, but surely you believe the hospital report!"
"No, no, we are no match for you. Sister, Zhuang Jun, Wang Xu, please don't be angry. It's our fault; we apologize to you. Sister, let's just let this matter go, shall we?" The aunt's attitude softened as she stood up and walked around the elder to my mother-in-law's side, linking arms with her and repeatedly apologizing to her cold expression.
This incident concluded with my statement. Even if my mother-in-law still wanted to stay, she couldn't linger due to my emotions. Early the next morning, as they were leaving, the aunt kept holding onto my mother-in-law's arm, her face full of guilt.
However, my mother-in-law did not give her a pleasant look. The atmosphere among the group was strange. Once in the car, the aunt bought a large bag of snacks at the station and insisted on giving them to me while continuously apologizing. She explained that the idle gossip from rural women was often thoughtless and urged me not to take it to heart.
I smiled and remained silent. After the aunts bid farewell and got out of the car, they stood by watching us leave with longing expressions. I turned slightly to look back and felt a pang of sadness.
In truth, what they said wasn't entirely wrong; I really wasn't pregnant. With everything that had happened, I felt sorry for them just for talking casually. But if given another chance, I would still act this way; it was my way of protecting myself and taking initiative.
There was no other choice.
In the car, Wang Xu kept softly coaxing me, trying to ease my mind about what had happened in the countryside. I didn't dwell on it much but noticed that it made Wang Xu anxious.
"I'm fine; let's talk about it when we get home. I'm tired and want to rest."
To prevent Wang Xu from offering more comforting words, I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. However, like in previous days, my sleep was too shallow; in such an environment on the car, I couldn't fall asleep at all. The more I tried to sleep, the more frustrated I became, constantly wondering if there was anything I had overlooked. But upon reflection, I couldn't think of anything specific and decided to stop worrying and not let my nerves tighten further.
Finally back home after just a few days away felt like returning from another world. As I stood at the door again, a strange feeling suddenly surged within me.
"Wang Xu, after we left, has anyone come by?"
Wang Xu's posture stiffened noticeably as he walked ahead of me. He took a second longer before turning around, which only confirmed my suspicions. I scrutinized his expression in hopes of finding some clue in his emotions but then remembered that Wang Xu was someone who could act well.
"No, we three are the only ones with the keys. No one else comes here; our relatives all live back home," Wang Xu firmly refuted my point.
He was right; who else could enter our house? Even if someone did, would Wang Xu tell the truth? I asked him what he could possibly find out. All I could do was change into a pair of good shoes and walk inside, scanning the surroundings, but then Wang Xu suddenly pulled me to sit in the living room and started talking to me about various things, clearly trying to distract me.
My mother-in-law came out of the kitchen after tidying up. She was the first to enter the room and probably didn't hear our conversation. She asked me what I wanted to eat so she could go to the market. I casually mentioned a few hard-to-find items, and she happily agreed before changing her clothes and heading out.
Only Wang Xu and I were left at home. He seemed a bit more nervous than before. When he spoke to me, I didn't respond much and continued observing my surroundings. Wang Xu grew anxious: "Zhuang Jun, what are you looking at? I'm talking to you, why aren't you listening?"
"I'm not. I just feel like something is off. Don't you think so?" Having been here as long as Wang Xu, in such a familiar place, I could sense something was wrong. I couldn't believe that Wang Xu felt nothing at all; it seemed he had never paid attention to this place.
"Where's anything wrong? You're just being paranoid. Alright, let's watch some TV; stop overthinking," Wang Xu said as he turned on the television in front of us. The loud noise made my ears hurt.
I suddenly felt a surge of anger burning in my heart: "Wang Xu, are you crazy? Who told you to turn on the TV? Isn't it annoying?"
Wang Xu looked confused: "This is the volume you usually watch TV at; it's not loud. Didn't you like it before? I even adjusted it for you."
He slowly turned down the volume from where it had been set, which indeed was the level I was used to. He only stopped when it got very low, but that sudden noise had really startled me; I didn't even know what was wrong with me.
After not noticing anything unusual, my mother-in-law returned from shopping with a table full of food. During dinner, I told her that I would be going home tomorrow. She was displeased: "You just got back, and now you're leaving again? It's New Year's; why are you going back to your parents' house?"
"I called and asked; my parents will be back soon. I'm going to pick them up tomorrow and then stay at home with them. My things are all there; it's more convenient."
"What do you even have there? If you need something, just buy it. There's no need to go back; it's nice here with me and Mom around," Wang Xu chimed in to stop me.
But I insisted that I had to go home. My mother-in-law and Wang Xu couldn't argue with me. After dinner, my mother-in-law silently cleared the table with a sullen face. She probably had a lot to say but held it all back. Seeing her restraint made me feel satisfied.
Returning to the living room, Wang Xu was still earnestly trying to persuade me, speaking until his mouth was dry and his brows furrowed. When he finally stopped, I was able to speak.
"Wang Xu, have you forgotten how your relatives hurt me? To be honest, seeing your whole family makes me uncomfortable. The child I struggled to conceive is no longer a child? Thinking about how you were like them before makes me uneasy. You asked why my eyes are swollen today; I'll tell you the truth: I've been crying so much. Ever since I married you, I feel more and more wronged. Is this the home I wanted? If you want me to stay here, do you think my heart won't ache? Or do you want me to just endure it?"
The feelings that once seemed valuable have crumbled into dust. Mentioning this matter is just an excuse, but Wang Xu doesn't know that; he still believes this farce has truly hurt me and keeps apologizing, saying he wants to make it up to me.
"Alright then, when the store opens again, take me out shopping. I want to buy a few more bags."
"Huh? You're buying more? Didn't you buy several last time?" Wang Xu was surprised.
"What? Is it not okay for me to buy bags I like? There are so many styles, and I've only bought a few. Bags go out of style too; I can't carry them forever. Or are you saying you won't take me?"
I wanted to take advantage of Wang Xu as much as possible; the road to divorce is long, and I can't let myself suffer too much along the way.
"Okay, buy what you want. I'll bring my card, and you can choose what you like. If you find something, just buy it, alright?" Wang Xu had no right to negotiate with me anymore and agreed just like that.
I was very satisfied with my current situation; every step I took revealed more hope and light. However, my mindset was genuinely changing for the worse. My sleep had become pitifully scarce; I could hardly manage a good night's rest. This mix of good and bad followed me with every step I took.
Regardless, I had to accept it.
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