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墨書 Inktalez
I smiled and said, "You people can't afford to get involved with me. Once I have money, I'll travel everywhere and never come back. Wherever I go will be my home, and when I get tired of it, I'll just move to another place."
Gu Xiang didn't seem surprised by what I said. After thinking for a moment, he asked me, "Where do you want to wander off to, to become a girl who purifies her soul?"
"Haha." I burst into laughter. "You're overthinking it. I just want to escape everything right now. Actually, I've thought about being friends with Qin Yi, but have you considered what the consequences would be if I really became her friend?"
When I asked this, Gu Xiang paused for a moment and replied, "What would happen?"
"She would definitely keep introducing me to potential partners—either you or some other excellent men around her. In short, she would insist on having a man by my side to feel secure."
"Come on, is it really that exaggerated?" Gu Xiang chuckled.
I shrugged. "Of course it is. You see, Wang Yue is around her because he's straightforward and listens to Qin Yi. If it were any other woman, Qin Yi would definitely try to bind her with a man to make her submit to her will. I might not know those little tricks of women, but I'm not completely ignorant either. So Qin Yi is very scary and dangerous; being friends with her or being her enemy is essentially the same."
After I finished speaking, Gu Xiang didn't continue the conversation right away. He paused before asking me, "Do you dislike what Qin Yi says so much, or do you just dislike interacting with the opposite sex?"
I thought for a moment and replied, "It's a bit of both, but mostly it's my aversion to Qin Yi."
Gu Xiang smiled and said, "Then why not try thinking from a different perspective? Another path might lead to liberation."
"What do you mean?"
"If you have time, why not consider me instead?"
"…"
I wasn't sure if Gu Xiang was joking or serious, but his words did evoke some unusual feelings within me. During this time, Gu Xiang had always taken care of me and had never done anything harmful aside from keeping some secrets.
Although he is a friend of Lu Ming and Qin Yi, Gu Xiang feels more like my friend.
"I am very happy to have met you during that low point in my life. I don't know how I would have gotten through that time without you. I'm really grateful you're here, you're a great person, and we are good friends. So please don't say anything jokingly that might affect our relationship, okay?"
Transitioning from friends to lovers is like a gamble; it requires betting on one's significance in another's heart and wagering that the happiness of a future together will outweigh the current friendship.
However, the stakes in this gamble are too high for me. I have no capital to wager. It's not just with Gu Xiang; it's the same with anyone else. Right now, I just want to be single and not get involved with anyone.
"Alright, what about your travel plans? How long will it be? I need to calculate how much time I have left to be your friend."
"Well, it will probably be a few more months. After all, you know I'm still missing one thing."
"What is it?"
"The funds to see the world."
Previously, I worried about housing, cars, and future child support. But now that I'm divorced, I feel light and free. The money I have is just enough for a trip, so I'm seriously considering traveling.
A trip around the world can help put many things into perspective; perhaps I'll come back with different thoughts and live a different life.
"Oh, then I'm lucky to have the honor of sharing a meal with you today. Otherwise, if you had only told me this news right before leaving, I might have been too shocked to handle it."
Gu Xiang said half-jokingly and half-seriously.
I also felt a weight lift off my shoulders and understood that Gu Xiang's earlier comment was likely just offhand. He probably isn't fully prepared for us to be together yet; maybe he thinks we could be a good match but said it without much thought.
Let's give it a try; if it doesn't work out, then so be it.
What kind of conditions do I have that I still can't see clearly? Besides, how could Gu Xiang's family allow him to find someone from an ordinary family for a second marriage?
After getting out of the car, I said goodbye to Gu Xiang. Just before I turned around, he called out to me.
"Zhuang Jun, are you really not going to reconsider? I can actually take care of you."
I smiled and replied, "You’re mistaken, Gu Xiang. The reason I'm traveling isn't to escape Qin Yi or anyone else; I just want to escape from my former self. You can't help me take away my memories; that's something I have to do on my own. Thank you, Gu Xiang. Now and before, I really appreciate you."
Gu Xiang and I locked eyes, and we both ended up laughing. Through this interaction, we understood that often in casual conversations, we are expressing our true feelings.
I genuinely planned to leave. One day after returning home, I talked to my parents about my thoughts. They were less traditional than before and surprisingly supported my decision to go out and explore. They even asked if I had enough money and told me to come to them if I needed more.
"No need, no need! I have more than enough money here. The assets from the divorce are sufficient for me to live on for a while. I just want to go out and see the world. When I'm tired and want to come back for some stability, I'll return immediately."
During our conversation, my mother's eyes turned red. She nodded in agreement: "You're grown up now; your dad and I believe you can take care of yourself. Just remember to call home no matter where you are. Otherwise, we'll always worry about you, okay?"
My parents are getting older, and it was indeed wrong of me to make them worry in the past. Thinking back on it made me feel heavy-hearted: "I know, Mom. I'll call home every day. I'll tell you everything that happens. Don't cry; I'm not leaving yet. I still need to hand over my work at Gu Xiang's place. I'll leave once a suitable replacement is found."
I initially planned this because of Gu Xiang's situation; it wouldn't be right for me to leave so soon after starting there as it would affect his company too much. I couldn't just walk away like that; it would be too unfair. I needed to wait until the new assistant arrived before I could leave.
We talked for a long time until it got late, then said our goodbyes. Once back in my room, I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. While doubting this decision, I forced myself to believe that no day in the future could be worse than today.
Meanwhile, Wang Xu's sentence had been handed down—one and a half years in prison—so I didn't have to worry about anyone bothering my parents while I was away. They could travel freely and happily. As for my mother-in-law's discharge procedures from the hospital, I had the caregiver assist with that and paid a little extra as a way of easing any potential troubles.
As I was about to leave, my mother-in-law did not reach out to me again. I couldn't tell if she had truly given up. After all, I had witnessed how quickly she changed her mind about Wang Xu. Standing in the airport waiting area with my limited luggage, my parents each held one of my hands, and my mother began to cry.
"Sweetheart, you must take care of yourself out there, okay? Call me when you arrive. You're on the Four O'Clock in the Morning flight, right? Mom will be waiting for you."
I shook my head. "What time is it? You can't wait for me. I'll just call you a little later."
My mother disagreed and insisted that I call the moment I got off the plane. What if something dangerous happened late at night after I left the airport? Hearing her say this made me laugh happily.
"Mom, I've told you already, the time is different there. It's not dangerous; people have vibrant lives at night. Besides, didn't I tell you? My first stop is to find Miao Miao. With Miao Miao around, why are you still worried?"
"Of course I'm worried. What if something happens? You're in an unfamiliar place; you know how parents are..."
I hugged my mother tightly, realizing this would be the last time I could do so for a while. It made my nose tingle with emotion. "Mom, I'm going to miss you. Dad, you too."
Although my father didn't say anything, his gaze never left me, as if he were checking if I was missing anything. In truth, what I really lacked was the courage to face reality.
"Be careful on your journey. You must take care of yourself."
At the airport, I hadn't informed anyone about my arrival. Gu Xiang only mentioned today's date without specifying the time. Gu Xiang complained that I wouldn't even reveal that much. I just chuckled and said that if I wanted to arrive mysteriously, I should leave mysteriously too; that way, I'd leave a lasting impression on them.
Gu Xiang sighed, "You've already left a deep impression on us. Make sure to take care of yourself and don’t come back too changed."
"Okay."
I felt sad when I hung up the phone, but after taking a couple of deep breaths, I let it go.
At the airport, just before boarding, Lu Ming called me. I wasn't sure how he found out, but he did. He has always been cold by nature, and our conversation was brief; there wasn't much for me to say either. Most of the time, we were silent during the call.
I was contemplating how to end the call when Lu Ming's voice finally came through.
"I'm sorry about what happened before."
This seemed like the first time I heard Lu Ming say sorry. It made sense; in his eyes, he hadn't done anything wrong. His choices were driven by self-interest, without regard for right or wrong. I might have wanted to scold him before, but at this moment, I could only sigh.
"Regardless, what happened when we met wasn't good. So if we can't meet in the future, then let's not. I believe if you truly don't want to see me, you'll find a way."
If he could find a way to break apart a family, how could he not find a way to avoid one person?
After a long pause, Lu Ming finally replied with a soft "Okay," his voice much lighter, almost making it hard for me to hear.
That made me smile for the first time: "Alright then, see you."
Alright then, let's leave the past behind and say goodbye.
(THE END)
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