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墨書 Inktalez
It wasn't until I felt that the banquet was about to start that I slowly made my way inside, shrinking into a corner and remaining silent.
To my surprise, I encountered that brat in the corner. His complexion was still not great, a sickly pale, and he kept coughing. Fortunately, his forehead didn't feel too hot. When he saw me, he laughed heartily, but the laughter only made him cough more violently. The people around us cast him disdainful gazes, and he held back his coughs with great effort, his little face turning red from the strain.
I felt a pang of sympathy and pulled him into my embrace. After a long while, he finally stopped coughing and looked up at me with bright eyes. He noticed that I had simply tied my hair in the most ordinary palace maid style, with nothing but a white jade hairpin to adorn it, and I was wearing my usual plain white dress without any embellishments.
He pouted and glanced at the exquisitely dressed women around us, quietly complaining, "Mom, why don't you dress up a bit? At least let Father see you once! Being with you is really embarrassing; you look like someone who's just going to get lost in the crowd."
"What are you talking about, you little brat?" I said, giving him a playful knock on the head. "How dare you criticize your mother? You don't want to talk anymore, do you?" With that, I pretended to pinch his chubby cheeks.
He quickly dodged away, letting out a few giggles until someone nearby deliberately coughed a few times to signal us. Only then did we stop our playful banter. Looking at those women sitting elegantly with an inexplicable flush on their faces and an air of hope about them, Shaoshao and I exchanged knowing smiles and stifled laughter. However, since they had reminded us with their actions, we both straightened up considerably.
I raised my eyes and inadvertently caught sight of Huan Shuangshuang sitting next to Consort Huan. She wore a rosy smile on her face that seemed full of happiness, radiating confidence and excitement as if her dreams were about to come true. Her belly was already six months along, slightly rounder than before, yet her attire remained exquisite. Perhaps due to long-term nourishment, her body had become plump and graceful, exuding an air of elegance. She must be anticipating the title of Xie De Fei; after all, it was well-deserved since she was carrying the dragon's offspring. It seemed she sensed my gaze upon her; Consort Huan turned her head towards me, nodded slightly, and smiled meaningfully.
I was somewhat puzzled by her implication but didn’t dwell on it and continued to observe my surroundings. Consort Wang today appeared unlike her usual self; she sat coldly in her seat like ice. Perhaps after having enjoyed power in the harem for so long, she was worried that the sudden elevation of a new consort would affect her standing.
The women in the harem worry daily about their status and the emperor's favor; this is their entire existence—so pitiful and barren. They have no personal aspirations or dreams of their own. I absolutely refuse to become like that. Never.
"Mom, do you envy them?"
"What?" I turned to look at Shaoshao. "What do you mean by envy?"
He rolled his eyes at me. "Of course I mean envying their status, their favor, and Father’s attention."
I paused for a moment in confusion and replied, "Why would I envy them?" I had money; I didn't covet status gained through dependence on men. As for attention—I lowered my gaze and fell silent.
Seeing me quiet, he suddenly said, "Mom, you care about Father, don’t you?"
I was left speechless by this child's maturity and insight into human nature. Staring at him rendered me at a loss for words. If I didn't care about him, why would I consider everything for him? If I didn't care about him, why would I willingly let him take advantage of me? If I didn't care about him, how could I tolerate his hurt time after time? If I didn't care about him, how could I seek atonement for him? If I didn't care about him, how could I love even his child?
"Then why not fight for it?" he asked, puzzled. Life in the palace had taught him that if he wanted something, he had to fight for it, to seize it, even if it meant using unscrupulous methods.
I stared blankly ahead and murmured, "Love cannot be obtained through fighting." Especially the love of an emperor; how difficult and distant it was.
He coughed a few times and said curiously, "Mom, if you don't fight for it, how will you know you can't?"
I was taken aback and looked down at his innocent expression. Perhaps a child's thoughts are that simple, free from our many concerns and ideas. They act according to their nature without constraints or shackles. That must be what they truly desire.
Suddenly, I remembered a story I had heard long ago. A man sat on the ground crying, complaining, "God, why won't you let me win five million?"
God cried too and replied, "Brother, you have to buy a lottery ticket first!"
Another person complained to his good friend, "I've always liked her since childhood. I know everything about her—when her birthday is, what her first crush was like, how she struggled in school... I even know when she gets her period and have bought her sanitary pads. Why doesn't she like me back?"
His buddy remained silent for a long time before quietly asking, "Buddy, have you confessed your feelings?"
The man suddenly realized that despite his long-standing affection for her, he had assumed she knew. After years of being kind to her had become a habit, he had forgotten to tell her how he felt.
How could one know they couldn't succeed without even trying? I felt a moment of enlightenment but still hesitated. Could it really work? How should I fight for it? I didn't want to lose myself. I didn't want to be like those women who appeared glamorous on the outside but were ugly within.
As if sensing my fear, Shaoshao squeezed my hand reassuringly and said firmly, "Don't worry, Mom. I'll always be here to support you."
In that moment of daze, a voice suddenly called out, "Firefly." I looked up and gazed around in confusion for a while. Before I could gather my thoughts, Shaoshao whispered beside me, "Father is calling for you; go on."
Snapping back to reality, I carefully stood up and cautiously avoided the malicious gazes around me as I walked step by step toward the man sitting in front. What could he want from me? My mind was in disarray.
I noticed Huan Shuangshuang sitting in the third seat looking at me with a pale face. What was wrong?
The Noble Man sitting in the center pointed to the side, indicating for me to sit there. Just as I approached him, ready to take my place beside him, a sudden shout rang out: "Assassin! Protect the Emperor!"
I instinctively turned around and saw a figure dressed in black lunging forward with a sword aimed directly at him. The strike was powerful, seemingly fueled by all of the assassin's strength. A wave of screams erupted around us, and before my mind could process what was happening, my body instinctively moved closer to him, preparing to take the fatal blow.
Before I could act, a strong pair of hands pulled me forward, positioning me in front of him. I was startled, a chill running down my spine as despair washed over me. I bitterly laughed inwardly; why did he need to pull me to shield him? Even if he hadn’t, I would have stepped in front of him to block the attack. Before I could dwell on my sorrow, the sword was already upon me, piercing through my palm and embedding itself into my shoulder blade. The assassin had not anticipated that the Emperor would use a woman beside him as a shield; clearly taken aback, he attempted to withdraw but it was too late. He managed to redirect the blade just enough so that instead of striking his heart, it plunged into my hand and shoulder. Pain surged through my body, and I let out a cry towards the heavens. Gaze gathered his strength and directed a palm strike towards the assassin who stood before me, but suddenly, I noticed something in the assassin's eyes—filled with hatred and regret—along with an undeniable disbelief. There was also a small red butterfly birthmark at the corner of his eye. That… wasn’t that what Uncle Fu had mentioned?
I quickly gathered my energy; this reverse flow of qi struck my already weakened body again, causing my face to pale even further as I coughed up blood. Once the energy diminished, I gently pushed out a palm towards his ear and whispered, "Run!" Then I used the remaining force to propel him away, ensuring he wouldn’t be captured. He looked at me in shock; there was no time for him to think as he was sent flying far away. Realizing there was no chance for an attack now, he turned and vanished into the encroaching darkness.
A chilling voice suddenly echoed from behind: "Seal off the entire palace! That assassin is injured; I want him unable to escape."
Dizziness washed over me as I felt my body growing colder and weaker. Warm hands caught me as I began to sink down. Despite their warmth, my heart felt like it was freezing over. It seemed that mere heat wouldn’t be enough to melt away this ice.
He looked at me with concern; guilt flickered in his eyes. I managed a faint smile at him: "Your Majesty, this servant would have shielded you regardless; it was inevitable." He opened his mouth but ultimately couldn’t find any words.
"Someone! Where is the Imperial Physician?" The surroundings had descended into chaos. The audacity of that assassin to storm in alone and attempt an assassination must have been driven by a death wish. As my thoughts drifted away, a small but soft hand grasped mine, its youthful voice repeating insistently: "You won’t be hurt; you won’t be hurt; it’s going to be okay."
I wanted to smile at him, but the pain made it impossible.
Suddenly, a familiar voice called out: "Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Hurry! Consort Huan seems to be in distress!"
On one side were urgent cries for help; on the other stood a devoted woman willing to take a blade for someone else. The usually composed Emperor appeared somewhat unsettled now. I steadied myself against his embrace despite the excruciating pain and pushed myself away from him slightly, leaning against a small but sturdy shoulder. With my uninjured hand, I gritted through the agony and slowly began pulling out the remaining blade inch by inch from my body. With every inch removed, clarity returned—reminding me that he truly didn’t care about me.
With a sharp cry of anguish, I finally extracted the sword from my hand after enduring its cruel edge slicing through flesh. I bit down hard on my lip as my complexion drained of color and my body grew increasingly cold. Blood flowed continuously from my wounds; I could feel life slipping away bit by bit.
"What are you doing?" came an alarmed voice beside me as panic set in. I avoided the hands reaching out to support me and leaned against Shaoshao instead, still keeping my eyes closed as I murmured softly: "Shaoshao, take me back."
Sima Shao looked at his father with fierce determination mixed with helplessness and anger for the first time as he spoke hoarsely to the person leaning heavily against him: "Don’t worry. I'll take you back." Amidst the chaos, I noticed Yun Ying breaking through the crowd recklessly rushing towards me. She lifted me up with warmth spilling from her hands onto my wounded arm while whispering softly near my ear: "Why are you so foolish? So foolish…" Then she held back her tears as she stumbled away with me in tow.
The banquet was in chaos, with the concubines already fleeing in all directions, leaving behind a scene of devastation. Huan Shuangshuang had accidentally tripped me during the escape, nearly causing me to miscarry. This was something I learned later.
By the time we reached the palace gate, my body was so weak that I could no longer stand or walk. My white robe was stained a vivid red, looking particularly eerie in the night. Shaoshao looked at me with deep concern for a while before calling over a nearby palanquin for me to sit in.
Once I was helped into the palanquin, Yun Ying hurriedly stepped out to instruct the bearers to take me back to the palace. I vaguely heard Shaoshao being sent to the Imperial Medical Institute to fetch Chen the Imperial Physician, also known as Azure Thorn.
For some reason, my consciousness stubbornly remained slightly awake, and the pain prevented me from slipping into unconsciousness. My vision blurred, and blood continued to flow from my wounds. Suddenly, I heard a faint sound above me, followed by a cool object pressing against my neck. I forced my tired eyelids open and saw that the injured assassin was holding a sharp dagger against my carotid artery, seemingly ready to end my life if I made any sudden movements. He looked at me coldly and warned, "Don't make a sound."
I had long lost the strength to speak. I managed a faint smile and remained silent, my face growing even paler.
As we jostled along, I coughed up more blood.
"Why?" he suddenly asked.
I knew he was asking why he had stabbed me when I still intended to save him.
The coldness of my body made me instinctively curl up in one corner of the palanquin.
Blood trickled down from my lips, and I lacked the strength to wipe it away. Weakly, I replied, "I don't have the energy to satisfy your curiosity right now. If you trust me, come with me."
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