Sima Rui stared blankly at his hands, recalling her cool gaze as she left, devoid of sadness yet seemingly flowing with despair. He remembered her pale face, her stubborn determination to leave despite his support, her sorrowful smile, and how she had said to him without any blame, "Your Majesty, this servant would have shielded you, no matter what."
Somewhere deep inside him, it felt as if a part had collapsed, a vague stream of emotion slowly seeping in. He didn't understand why it was his hands that had pulled her close, only to regret it immediately after. Seeing her injured pierced his heart; the pain was so intense that he could barely breathe. At that moment, he wished he could take the injury upon himself rather than see her hurt. He regretted it deeply—yet it was too late.
He watched as she slowly pulled the sword from her body, blood dripping from her bitten lips onto his palms. Her expression was cold, her eyes hollow. His heart and vision were consumed by her; nothing else mattered. Suddenly, he felt her wounds were his own, as if his blood was flowing away drop by drop, enduring the same excruciating pain.
Just as it was instinct for her to protect him, it was instinct for him to pull her close and shield her. He would have done the same for anyone else; it was a reflex trained into him as an emperor. His father had taught him that in such situations, one must pull someone nearby to block the fatal blow and seize the chance to strike back at the assassin. But upon seeing her injured, he completely forgot all those childhood lessons. He forgot about delivering a fatal blow to the assassin; he forgot everything—surroundings faded away until all he could see was her in agony, all he could hear was the blood pouring from her mouth and her collapsing figure.
For the first time, he felt panic and fear rising from deep within him—a nameless terror that this person before him might vanish like smoke in an instant. Her body felt so light, as if she might drift away from him at any moment. He wanted to hold onto her and prevent her from leaving. But then he saw his usually obedient son glaring at him with fierce intensity, making him feel guilty. He released his grip and let her go. Watching their unsteady figures retreating, Sima Rui suddenly felt that she was so close yet so far away.
Would she disappear entirely?
The thought sent a shiver down Sima Rui's spine. He quickly pulled back his scattered gaze; he was the emperor and had more pressing matters at hand—his Consort had experienced a miscarriage and needed his comfort. That was the royal bloodline they needed to protect, even if he himself did not care.
But the citizens of this nation would care.
It was his responsibility.
After a long silence, he could only softly say in that direction, "I'm sorry."
He closed his eyes, unsure whether he felt sorrow or guilt. Among so many concubines around him, only she had stepped forward to protect him while others had fled for their lives. Although the assassin's plan had been premeditated, it had been executed alone and thus failed. Sima Rui lowered his gaze; was she truly sincere in her feelings for him? Was she really that special?
After speaking to himself like this, he distinctly felt the dagger at his throat loosen its grip.
Upon returning to Frostfall Palace, Azure Thorn had been waiting there early on. When he entered the carriage to assist me and noticed another person inside, he was startled and intended to rescue me. I merely smiled faintly at him and said, "Don't interfere; take care of him," before losing consciousness.
In my dazed state, I could vaguely hear a cacophony of noise around me and see numerous figures swaying before my eyes. I wanted to tell them to quiet down but found myself utterly drained of strength; my lips couldn't form any words.
I wandered through one dream after another, my body feeling perpetually cold with a sharp pain in one area that made me reluctant to wake up or open my eyes.
In the hazy dimness, I saw a grand door engraved with an Ancient Floral Pattern. It was adorned with many dark brown swirling cloud designs, exuding a classical and imposing aura. I stepped forward to push the door open, and it creaked with a dry, rasping sound, reminiscent of a hoarse old man groaning.
Inside was shrouded in darkness, but in the distance, a faint emerald light flickered softly.
I followed the light, and soon I saw a figure resembling an old man smiling at me. He looked at me tenderly one moment and then bowed to me respectfully the next. Confused, I watched him as he suddenly chuckled lightly, "Do you hate it? Do you not wish to wake up?"
I stared at him in bewilderment. "Who are you?"
"Do you hate it?"
"Hate what?" My mind was blank; I couldn't recall anything.
"Hate his indifference, hate how he used you, hate how he made you a shield..."
Memories flooded back like rushing water, overwhelming me. My head throbbed as flashes of hands gripping me kept surfacing. I shook my head and lifted my gaze; my eyes were already filled with silence. "I do not hate."
"If you do not hate, why do you not wish to wake up? Why do you evade yourself?"
I lowered my head and murmured, "I just cannot believe."
"Cannot believe what?"
I looked up and gazed at him earnestly. "That the emperor has feelings."
He smiled gently. "Are you doubting yourself or doubting him? You should go back now; you should not linger here."
"Who are you?" Before I could receive an answer, a soft white light enveloped me, pulling me into an endless whirlpool. My body began to feel warm.
In the midst of this vague expanse, it seemed as if a voice echoed from a hollow place: "I have always been by your side..."
A warm, soft sensation seemed to be licking my cheek, leaving a damp feeling behind.
"Stop it—" I mumbled.
But the strange sensation didn’t cease. In frustration, I raised my hand and slapped at it, only to feel a sharp pain shoot through me. I quickly sat up, wincing as another wave of agony hit me beneath my collarbone. I groaned and fell back into the blankets. The loud noise startled the person who had been leaning by my bedside awake. Turning my head, I saw Yun Ying, her eyes still heavy with sleep as she climbed up. Next to her was a fluffy creature—Little White, the culprit, grinning at me with a mischievous look. It even stuck out its tongue to tease me. Remembering that damp sensation, I realized it must have been its doing.
Recalling the pain in my palm from Dream, I lifted my hand and saw it wrapped in thick white bandages. The memory of that piercing pain from that night made me gasp. Would I be disabled? I wondered.
Yun Ying finally shook off her drowsiness and, upon seeing that I was awake, jumped up in excitement. "Master, Master! You’re finally awake! This is wonderful!" She wanted to give me a hug but hesitated due to my injuries.
"I’ll go tell Lord Qing, and Suda, and..." She couldn’t contain her eagerness and started to get up but almost stumbled from having held that position for too long. Laughing it off, she dashed out of the room.
The movement had triggered waves of pain throughout my body; cold sweat trickled down my back as I felt a faint warmth seeping from below my collarbone. The wound must have reopened. Lying there for a moment longer, my thoughts began to clear. Right, I had brought someone with me; I wondered how they were doing now.
I never expected to see that person under such circumstances.
But thinking of his assassination made me shiver.
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