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墨書 Inktalez
He still remembered the night he went to see her, how she lay quietly on the bed, her long black hair cascading around her like a sheet of black silk satin. The dark strands fell beside the white pillow, framing her pale face, which looked even more fragile in her unconscious state. He was so afraid, so afraid that she might never wake up again, so afraid that she would leave him.
The Imperial Physician had said her injuries were stable, but it seemed her mindset was unwilling to awaken. Was it he who had hurt her?
Now, she wore a white robe, having just begun to recover from her illness. Her body remained thin and frail, yet she stubbornly insisted on pushing forward despite the dangers within. She struggled against the Imperial Forest Army, cold and beautiful. If not for her injuries, she would have charged in without hesitation.
Recently, a plague had spread through the palace, and even the Crown Prince had contracted it. Now, Jingyang Palace was entirely affected. To control the outbreak from spreading further, the Imperial Forest Army had to seal off Jingyang Palace. Since news of the epidemic broke out, fear gripped everyone in the harem. Those eunuchs and palace maids who were infected were shunned by others who refused to enter and serve them. Even the Crown Prince's mother, Consort Li, dared not visit her son and remained confined to her quarters.
Yet she was determined to enter, disregarding all attempts to stop her. The situation escalated quickly, drawing attention from everyone in the palace. Soon enough, a eunuch brought word to him. When he arrived, he found her coldly staring at those who were too timid to act, who merely stood by and advised against entering for fear of infection. With a desolate smile devoid of any warmth, she coldly declared, "If you are afraid, you need not go; that is your choice and I cannot interfere. However, there is someone in there who is my kin—my child—and also the Crown Prince of this realm. To refuse aid is to disregard the law of the land; anyone who dares to stop me is committing treason against the Crown Prince and deserves execution." Those nearby understood she was threatening them but no one dared to disobey.
Her face was pale, making her icy expression all the more terrifying. Hesitation spread among them.
She turned to a maid and a young eunuch behind her and instructed, "You two stay outside and wait for Azure Thorn. Prepare all necessary supplies and herbal medicine."
"Your Highness—" they hesitated.
"Trust me." Then she swiftly maneuvered past the guards and entered Jingyang Palace, disappearing behind its grand doors. A few wanted to follow but feared infection and ultimately refrained.
Sima Rui sighed softly and said to Gao Lu behind him, "Find someone to wait there and meet all their demands. Tell the Imperial Medical Institute to do everything possible to treat the Crown Prince; if they fail, they will answer for it with their heads. I will visit him later."
He had never seen her so distraught, so unrestrained in her urgency and madness. She must care deeply for the Crown Prince. She spoke of him as if he were her child with such naturalness that there was no hint of pretense; she claimed he was family with such sincerity and desperation.
Gao Lu's eyes flickered with surprise before he quickly masked it and bowed respectfully. "Yes. The old servant obeys." Hadn't the physicians already declared his condition hopeless?
Looking at that kind-hearted beautiful woman stirred something within the emperor's heart. Yet no one noticed that among the guards stood one man whose expression revealed not only shock but also a hint of emotion upon seeing this woman clad in white with an icy demeanor.
He felt an urgent fire within him; those people not only refused to help but actively sought to prevent him from entering. If they weren't in the palace, he would have liked nothing more than to eliminate them one by one. And those onlookers—cowards who flattered Shaoshao when times were good—now scattered like leaves in a storm when disaster struck. Not one dared step forward to care for him. Even Shaoshao's own mother had abandoned him due to the physicians' grim diagnosis of hopelessness. Thus everyone in the palace had given up on him, leaving him alone in a vast desolate palace.
Now darkness enveloped everything as night fell; without eunuchs attending him inside or any lights lit, it was pitch black—a bottomless void resembling a terrifying tomb.
Although Shaoshao was the crown prince, mature and sensible from a young age, he was still just a child in his teens. Stricken by a severe illness and trapped in a dark palace devoid of any hope, he must have been terrified.
How could they just leave him to wait for death inside? How could they? This was not something his family should do.
Moreover, Shaoshao had been calling for me, his mother.
After instructing Xiao Quanzi and Yun Ying to meet Azure Thorn, I couldn't wait any longer and rushed inside. As I passed by a group of guards, one face looked particularly familiar. He could have stopped me, but seeing my anxious expression, he hesitated slightly and let me pass. I didn't have time to think; I smiled gratefully at him and entered Jingyang Palace.
The palace had lost its former splendor. Although the golden decorations remained unchanged, just as they were when I first entered years ago, it was now lifeless and neglected. At this moment, it resembled a grand, luxurious graveyard, devouring every ounce of vitality and hope for life within its walls. How could it have changed so drastically in just a few days? Was this what "things change" felt like? Jingyang Palace used to be so lively. Thinking of Shaoshao's current situation made my heart ache.
A cold breeze swept through, and the interior felt increasingly eerie as darkness enveloped it. I groped my way to the main hall, hoping he would be inside.
I pushed open the wooden door, which creaked loudly in the silence of the vast hall, making the sound particularly jarring. I called softly, "Is anyone there? Is anyone inside?"
The sound echoed in the hall, but no one answered. Just as I was about to give up, a series of urgent coughs came from within the inner chamber. My heart leaped with joy as I searched for the source of the sound in the dimly lit hall.
What a sight it was! With only a faint glimmer of daylight illuminating the room, I saw him lying on the bed, barely alive. His face was ashen, eyes clouded over, cheeks sunken in, and his complexion tinged with a faint blue hue. He exuded an air of lingering death from prolonged suffering; his body had become emaciated. There was no sign of life on his face—dried blood lingered at the corners of his mouth, and there were small stains of red on his clothing from coughing up blood. Though he lay there, his lifeless appearance gave me an unsettling illusion that he had already left this world.
Tears streamed down my face silently, falling onto the dry ground below. The surrounding silence allowed me to hear each drop hitting the floor. I didn't want to disturb him; I was afraid to touch him. He seemed so fragile that even a slight movement might make him vanish before my eyes.
He seemed to sense some noise but ultimately did not react—only letting out a long sigh like an old man. Did he think no one would come for him anymore? Had he lost all hope during this long wait?
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I choked out in disbelief as tears soaked my cheeks and heart. Struggling to approach him gently and tenderly, I held him close while whispering softly into his ear: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Shaoshao, your mother is late; I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Shaoshao, you mustn't be afraid anymore; you won't be alone again... I'm sorry..." My voice broke as I clung tightly to him, terrified that he might slip away if I let go.
He opened his eyes in shock and tears began to flow down his cheeks. Weakly he said, "Mother, you’re here..." His voice was hoarse and dry from lack of water—hardly pleasant to hear. Yet my tears continued to flow more freely. But in the next moment, summoning strength from who knows where, he struggled fiercely: "Go away! You need to leave! Don’t come near me... Please go! I don’t want to see you..."
No matter how much he kicked and punched, I wouldn't let him go. For the first time, he cried like a child, "Mommy won't leave Shaoshao, no matter what. I will never leave Shaoshao alone in this dark place again, never! To hell with Plague, to hell with the incurable! As long as I can see Shaoshao, I'm not afraid of anything. If we have to get sick, let's get sick together. If we have to die, we'll die together. Mommy will never leave Shaoshao, absolutely not!"
I held him tightly in my arms and murmured, "Shaoshao, don't be afraid. Mommy is here. Don't be afraid; everything will be alright—"
The young boy finally let down all his pretenses and sobbed uncontrollably in my embrace, "I'm still scared, Mommy! I'm so scared! Shaoshao doesn't want to drive you away, really! Shaoshao is so afraid of dying all alone, so afraid of never seeing you again, so afraid... Please don't let this be a dream. I’m so scared that when I wake up, you won't be here anymore. I'm so scared of waking up in this dark place and waiting to die all alone. Shaoshao isn't afraid of death, but Shaoshao doesn't want to be alone... Wuwu..."
I stroked his stiff back, which felt so dry and devoid of flesh that it broke my heart. Tears streamed down my face as I kept comforting him, "Shaoshao, don't worry. With Mommy here, you'll be alright..."
The boy in my arms laughed and cried at the same time, but the next moment he started coughing violently, spitting out bright red blood. I frantically wiped it away with my sleeve, trying to clean it up and stop the bleeding, but the blood kept pouring out. In a panic, I said, "Shaoshao, it will be okay. Don't worry; it will stop. You don’t need to worry; Mommy is here..."
He smiled faintly at me with blood at the corner of his mouth like a bizarrely beautiful plum blossom and then fell into unconsciousness, mumbling continuously, "Mommy, hurry and go... Where are you? Mommy, hurry! Shaoshao doesn’t want to infect you... Mommy, Mommy, I miss you so much... Shaoshao is so scared alone..."
I gently laid him down on the bed and covered him with a blanket while tears continued to flow. It was all my fault; I had noticed something was wrong long ago. I should have realized it sooner but foolishly thought it was just a common cold. I let it drag on until now; it's all my fault... I should have noticed when he first coughed; it was all my fault that Shaoshao had to suffer so much torment...
Suddenly, I stood up and ran around the dark palace like a madwoman, desperately searching for a candle or flint. Shaoshao had said he was afraid of the dark; he had said it...
My body stumbled through the darkness, falling repeatedly to the ground without knowing why. My mind only focused on making that damned darkness disappear so that my Shaoshao would never have to be alone in the dark again...
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