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"Your Majesty, she has returned, hasn't she?" Consort Huan's face was filled with relief, devoid of any jealousy.
She would not believe the various speculations from the outside world; as long as it wasn't that person, even if it were a substitute, he would not fall in love. Unless, she truly had returned, unless she had not died.
Yet, back then, she had witnessed her cold body with her own eyes. She had seen her breathless form; she had seen that she was truly gone. Why today...?
Moreover, the one who returned was aloof and proud, unusually cold, as if standing apart from the mortal realm. She was so different from the Xie Weiying of years past. Was this person now the real one? Was this truly Little Jin? If all of this were real, then her disguise was indeed admirable; her kindness evoked respect in others.
She still remembered that eerie night when the entire palace seemed to weep. When they heard the news and rushed to the main hall, what she saw was him cradling the lifeless body of Little Jin, weeping bitterly and murmuring, "Little Jin... Little Jin..."
It was only then that she realized that the Xie Weiying who had always been by his side was An Jin, the one he had always loved deeply. But why did she not reveal herself to him? Why did she choose to die quietly? Before the Emperor left the palace that time, he had told her he would confirm something and inform her upon his return. Yet after coming back, he seemed to have forgotten everything. What had happened before he left?
All these questions remained forever shrouded in mystery due to her enigmatic death. Secrets that could not be uncovered.
However, after so many years, she reappeared before everyone like a secret once more but seemed like a different person altogether. She could not remember anything; she remembered no one. She remained distant and aloof from everyone, even from the Emperor.
All these strange occurrences tangled together left her feeling confused and lost.
But then, she smiled lightly and breezily. As long as she was alive and at his side now, she believed that one day he would get what he desired.
Sima Rui looked at her and said softly, "Her body is here, but her heart will never return. She has drifted too far away and cannot find her way back." His voice was low and somewhat hoarse.
Consort Huan gazed at him with concern for his weary state and gently asked, "Does Your Majesty no longer believe or wish to give up?"
Sima Rui forced a bitter smile. "I have no way out left. What I care about most in this life is not the throne but being an ordinary couple with her. I have never loved anyone like this before; I thought I would never experience it in my life until I met her. She is my destiny."
Consort Huan silently gazed at him, not uttering a word. Was she not the same? Ever since that unfaithful man left, she had confined herself to this small villa, nearly spending her entire life there.
Desire was an immeasurable calamity.
He was lost in it. She was lost in it too.
Since that inexplicable fainting episode, a handsome and delicate young man had been by my side. He called me "Mom" affectionately every day, as if it were second nature, and gradually, I found myself growing fond of him. Just as I had felt for him long ago. He visited me at Frostfall Palace daily, and today, upon waking to pleasant weather, I decided it was time to go out for a stroll. So, I left Xiao Quanzi to guard Frostfall Palace and set out alone.
On my way to Jingyang Palace, I was suddenly stopped by a stranger. I looked at him coldly, unable to comprehend why his gaze held both reverence and resentment towards me. I simply stared back at him; he was no match for me, so I felt no fear.
Seeing my indifferent expression, he took a deep breath and suddenly knelt before me.
I frowned and said impatiently, "What are you doing?" Upon closer inspection, he seemed somewhat familiar; he appeared to be one of the men in black who followed the Emperor. What did he want?
He knelt respectfully on the ground and stubbornly said, "Your Highness, whether you have truly forgotten everything or simply do not wish to remember, please know that over the years, the Emperor's infatuation with you is evident to all. Please do not torment him any longer; I earnestly implore you. Moreover, the Emperor has done so much for you..." As he spoke, he bowed his head vigorously. Suddenly pausing at the end of his statement, his tone hesitated as if unsure whether to continue.
"What? Go on," I said with a frown and a cold voice. I wasn't foolish; I sensed something unusual. He couldn't have come to find me without reason—especially today while the Emperor was away.
"Could it be... could it be that Your Highness truly has a heart of stone? Have you really forgotten everything?" His face was filled with sorrow and helplessness.
"What are you talking about?" My head began to spin again; ever since that day I fainted, I had refused to think about anything because my head hurt too much and my heart ached too deeply. Yet... I glared at him coldly and said with slight anger.
He suddenly stood up and met my gaze without flinching, looking somewhat disdainful as he asked, "Do you still remember that Ugly Servant?"
"He..." I lowered my head, recalling his desperate gaze and the way he struggled like a trapped beast, silently howling.
"Has Your Highness never doubted who he is? Do you remember the hoarse and painful voice the Emperor struggled to produce at that grand meeting? His vocal cords were damaged from the medication, and he may never recover." His face was filled with sorrow. "I have never seen the Emperor treat anyone like this, never. For that person, he willingly stayed away from the palace for five years, bearing unimaginable pressure. For that person, he took a potion that nearly caused him excruciating pain, disfigured himself, and swallowed a drug that rendered him mute. Yet that person could not remember him; when he saved her from despair, she walked towards another man. To save him, who was on the brink of death, he nearly replaced the Xuanwu King in seeking out the divine physician and became a monk. For him, all these years, he has been unable to sleep day or night, suffering endlessly... Every day spent in Jin Garden reminiscing about that vanished person... His eyes told him she was dead, but his heart could not accept it... He kept hoping she was alive, even if it meant living quietly somewhere... He knew she had forgotten him, yet he still waited, endlessly waiting... A humble subject cannot comprehend such silent love; countless attempts to persuade him only earned a faint reply: 'Even if I am merely one of the fleeting flowers in her life, I do not regret...'” He suddenly broke down in tears. “Your Highness... If you choose to forget those painful memories, we have no right to blame you... But why do you overlook what the Emperor is doing for you now? Your eyes are not blind; your heart is not ignorant. Can you truly see nothing and feel nothing?!”
I stared at him in shock as warm tears began to fall from my eyes onto the moss-covered stone steps below. I trembled slightly and finally spoke, "What are you saying?"
Suddenly, memories flooded back—warmth and longing resting against that broad back.
Xiao Bai's words washed over me like a tide.
So it turns out, he is him. He truly is him. Then the strange person who spoke to me in my dreams must also be him. Did Xiao Bai let him take on his form to speak with me because he feared I would collapse under the weight of it all?
It seems that the one who understands me best is Xiao Bai. But why? Why can't I remember anything? Why?
I suddenly crouched down, covering my head and burying my face deep within my arms. It hurt so much; it was unbearable. But why can I still not remember anything? Why?
I cried silently, feeling helpless and alone.
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