6
Back on the road, we traveled in silence, both of us tacitly avoiding any mention of what had just happened at the old house.
The moment we stepped through the door, he suddenly pulled me into his arms and kissed me urgently and roughly.
His expression revealed an indescribable anxiety, as if he wanted to merge me into his very being.
I didn't pull away; instead, I responded passionately to his kiss.
Afterward, he held me close as we lay on the bed, his fingers gently brushing through my hair.
"Jing Shu, promise me you'll never leave," he said.
I paused for a moment before changing the subject. "Shi Ann, come back to Haicheng with me for a while. You promised me that long ago."
He had agreed last year on our wedding anniversary.
But afterward, he kept making excuses about being busy with work, and it had fallen by the wayside.
At that moment, without any hesitation, he readily replied, "Sure, I'll go wherever you want. We'll leave tomorrow."
I nodded obediently, as if all the previous discomfort had vanished into thin air.
Our days in Haicheng unfolded like a painting, each scene soaked in nostalgia and sweetness.
Shi Ann's heart seemed to be gently awakened as well.
He suddenly realized that the days spent studying in Haicheng with Lin Jingshu were the purest and happiest moments of his life.
And there was that memory he had never forgotten.
When Song Wan left him back then, it was the darkest time in his life.
During that period, it was Lin Jingshu—always gentle and sweet—who repeatedly entered the bustling bars to pull him out from the haze of alcohol.
It was she who willingly stayed by his side, caring for him until he emerged from that bleak time.
Only then did he realize that he had long since fallen in love with Lin Jingshu and had no resistance to marrying into the Lin family; he just wasn't willing to admit it.
Lin Jingshu also seemed to return to her carefree girlhood; her smile was brighter than ever, and her words and actions radiated a long-lost liveliness and innocence.
The two chased each other along the beach, as if they were back in those days when they could freely squander their youth.
The sea breeze brushed against them, carrying the salty scent of seawater along with the lingering warmth of those youthful times.
7
On the last day in Haicheng, dawn was just beginning to break on the horizon.
Waiting for the first light of dawn.
The sea breeze gently caressed me, carrying a hint of saltiness that seemed capable of sweeping away all the gloom in my heart.
I turned to look at Shi Ann; his silhouette appeared particularly soft in the morning light, yet my heart ached as if pricked by a needle.
“Shi Ann, I have a gift for you. It's on the table in my room; could you go get it?”
I tried to keep my voice calm, but inside, my emotions surged like the morning tide.
I knew this would be his most unforgettable memory.
What I needed to do was ensure he would always remember me, always feel guilty.
Shi Ann stood up, his eyes filled with warmth and trust.
I slowly rose and took one step at a time toward the azure sea.
Each step felt like treading on shards of memory—painful yet clear.
The waves repeatedly lapped at my ankles, bringing a chill along with an inexplicable allure.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then I stepped forward into the water.
The sea gradually enveloped my body, and I felt an unprecedented sense of calm and liberation.
“Goodbye, Shi Ann,” I whispered in my heart.
Shi Ann entered the room and picked up the letter from the table, staring at it in disbelief as his hands began to tremble.
Suddenly, a wave of immense fear engulfed him.
He instinctively looked up toward the floor-to-ceiling window and saw Lin Jingshu calmly walking toward the center of the sea.
“Jing Shu!”
He threw down the letter and ran outside frantically.
“Come back! Jing Shu!”
He shouted as he ran.
Meanwhile, I was being drawn deeper into the ocean.
I felt my body growing lighter, as if I were about to float into another world.
Behind me, Shi Ann's heart-wrenching calls echoed through the air.
I admit that at that moment, completely submerged by the water, a twinge of reluctance surged within me.
But I was destined to die; why not leave him with the most profound memory?
The heart-wrenching pain I once felt, I want him to experience it too. I left him a thirty-thousand-word farewell letter, every word filled with my reluctance and love for him. We have known each other since childhood, once inseparable friends who shared everything. Even during our childhood games, he once said he would marry me when we grew up. How ridiculous that I cherished those words while he fulfilled his own wishes. Yet, he did not treasure me.
I do not understand why Song Wan captivated him so completely; after all, it was I who had known him first. It was I who introduced Song Wan to him, and from that moment on, there was no longer room for me between them. When Song Wan abandoned him to marry abroad, it was I who stood by his side during that difficult time. He drank day and night, and countless nights of drunkenness were spent with me watching over him. Whether in sadness or anger, all his emotions—none of which were about me—I endured the heartache silently.
In the second year after Song Wan left him, he finally emerged from the shadow of heartbreak and agreed to a family-arranged marriage. But from then on, he seemed like a different person. He was no longer as warm towards me as before; instead, he became gloomy and reticent. After we married, I hoped that one day I could warm his heart again. Ultimately, I overestimated myself and his feelings for me. In this marriage, I became someone unrecognizable.
When did I realize he had feelings for me? Perhaps it was that day when I proposed divorce and saw the panic in his eyes for the first time. Or maybe it was during every passionate encounter after our arguments when he tried so hard to please me. But late-blooming affection is worth little. My heart brimming with love had long been worn down by his repeated indifference.
Shi Ann, if there is a next life, I would rather never have known you.
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