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墨書 Inktalez
My mind felt like a movie playing in fast forward, memories flooding in all at once. From the moment I became aware of my surroundings, from the time I grew up in prison, from when I joined the Special Operations Group, from when I lost everything, and from when I believed I was Wu Zui.
Everything was clear yet hazy, but I knew one thing: I am who I am.
Self-Blame Delusion is a precursor to schizophrenia, but more than that, it is a psychological disorder. Never before had I understood myself as clearly as I did at this moment. I am Wu Meng, not Wu Zui. I have never killed anyone; I am a good person. I should not be enduring this treatment; I should not be wronged.
What saddened me most was that my friends had betrayed me, and Captain Shao did not recognize me. Perhaps they had planned this from the beginning, but they never cared much about the pieces in this game. Capturing a ruthless Criminal was naturally more important than piercing someone's heart.
"Go straight ahead," Zhao Mingkun said, pulling my hand.
At that moment, my heart warmed slightly; only Zhao Mingkun recognized me. She was my only friend left.
However, after turning a corner, we were confronted by a steel grate blocking the drain ahead. The bars were thick and the gaps too narrow for us to pass through. Suddenly, Zhao Mingkun seemed to realize something and exclaimed, "Oh no, we've been tricked."
She glanced at me and said, "Stay close to me."
Zhao Mingkun led me back the way we came, but by then it was too late to retrace our steps; there were already many people standing in our path. Bright flashlights illuminated our surroundings, startling countless rats that scurried into the crevices.
"Teacher," a young man in his twenties spoke up. "You were right after all."
I suddenly remembered having met this young man once before; his name was Wen Runzhi. But I hadn’t expected him to be a student of Shao Shilin. Standing next to Wen Runzhi was none other than Shao Shilin himself, flanked by armed police officers.
No wonder they abandoned me in the car to provide backup; it seemed all of this had been orchestrated by Shao Shilin.
"This was all your doing," I said to Shao Shilin, a mix of helplessness and sorrow rising within me.
If it weren't for Shao Shilin, I might have spent much longer in a psychiatric hospital. Yet he had treated me as nothing more than a pawn from the very beginning.
At that moment, I could see that this was yet another trap—a trap designed to capture Zhao Mingkun.
"You knew from the very beginning that I am Wu Meng, not Wu Zui, didn't you?" I asked Shao Shilin, looking him in the eye.
Shao Shilin nodded and said, "That's right. Even if you are twins, even if you look exactly alike and sound exactly alike, you are ultimately not the same person. You know, everything I said about Zhao Mingkun in the interrogation room was meant for you."
"I understand your character," Shao Shilin continued slowly. "You would never compromise with me on this matter, so I immediately recognized from Wu Zui's tone that he was Wu Zui, and the one being interrogated in front of me is Wu Meng. You have a Self-Blame Delusion; you can't distinguish who you really are, so you need others to tell you."
"So you chose to let Zhao Mingkun tell me instead of doing it yourself?" I stared at Captain Shao.
Captain Shao sighed. "I know that what I'm doing is unfair to you, but we need to catch him. We need to capture Zhao Mingkun. But rest assured, from the very beginning, you were never in danger..."
"So to catch the bad guys, I can be treated like a fool. To catch the bad guys, it's fine to manipulate me. You were the one who brought me into the Special Operations Group; you gave me everything, and now you're going to destroy it all with your own hands. If I had never experienced friendship, I could have endured loneliness, but now everything is ruined!"
"I am just a pawn to you; this is your so-called justice. Is it justice to harm others without restraint?"
At that moment, I felt an overwhelming rage.
Is this justice? I didn't know.
Captain Shao didn't say anything more; he just sighed and said, "Capture Zhao Mingkun."
The armed police slowly approached.
At that moment, Zhao Mingkun suddenly pulled out a handgun from his waist and pressed it against my head. "Don't come any closer! If anyone moves, I'll blow Wu Meng's head off. Shao Shilin, we've been at this for so long; you should know what kind of person I am. Although I haven't killed anyone recently, I've killed more people than you've seen dead bodies; you should know that."
Several armed police stopped in their tracks.
Shao Shilin looked at Zhao Mingkun and said, "We've been fighting for nearly ten years; how could I not know your character? Many times when working with Shi Huacheng, you've probably done it against your better judgment. I know that often you're not in control and have no choice, but killing is killing; there's no excuse for it."
Shao Shilin looked at me again. "Perhaps you haven't told Wu Meng that you donated all the money you earned to the Hope Project. You even established Hope School. Being an orphan, you funded numerous orphanages, hoping they wouldn't end up like you. You want to do these things to make up for the mistakes you've made in the past, but this society is governed by law. You might be a bad person or a good person, but you're still a criminal."
I realized that Zhao Mingkun had many secrets, and at that moment, I finally understood her biggest secret. She might be a kind person, but she never showed her kindness in front of others. Perhaps it was because she wasn't used to it, or perhaps she simply didn't want to.
After all, she was a Queen.
"Did you not hear what I said?" Zhao Mingkun pressed the gun firmly against my head. "I will kill him."
Shao Shilin replied, "Give it a rest, Wu Meng. Zhao Mingkun once told you that she had a gun, but it was never loaded. Zhao Mingkun, do you remember seven years ago when I was captured by you in Italy? At that time, you told me your handgun was never loaded."
Zhao Mingkun suddenly smiled as she looked at Shao Shilin. "You still remember something from so long ago."
Shao Shilin chuckled lightly. "Of course I remember. I still recall how your feet smelled back then. I wonder if after all these years you've managed to change that bad habit of yours. I can't promise you much; with your current state, you're definitely facing the death penalty. I don't believe in fate; everything is self-inflicted. But I wish you luck in your next life and hope you can become a real police officer."
I felt something wet on my neck; it was Zhao Mingkun's tears. Yet her voice carried no trace of sobbing; she still pretended to be calm. "Alright then."
"You know," Zhao Mingkun said calmly, "the wind blows one way, and the grass bends in that direction. But when I was young, I always thought I was the wind. Later, I realized I was just a blade of grass. I couldn't resist the shackles fate imposed on me or break free from the cage it bound me in. We cannot grasp fate's throat; often, even when we leap with all our might, we merely touch fate's ankle."
"But I'm also quite fortunate," Zhao Mingkun continued earnestly. "In my brief thirty years of life, I've experienced so much and met many people—good ones, bad ones, and even crazy ones—experiences that others might not have in three lifetimes. I've witnessed too much death, yet I'm still afraid of dying."
"By the way," Zhao Mingkun suddenly asked playfully, "Wu Meng, do you remember what I said to you before? If the outcome is always the same, then I'd rather die early than go to prison and recount each crime I've committed. You only need to know that my crimes are enough for a thousand or ten thousand executions."
Zhao Mingkun still held the gun firmly against my head as I heard her chambering a round. Suddenly, I realized what was happening, but Zhao Mingkun covered my mouth tightly; she didn't want me to speak.
Zhao Mingkun turned to Shao Shilin and said, "Shao Shilin, our ten-year feud ends here. By the way, has Yang Juan woken up?"
Shao Shilin suppressed her sadness and replied, "She passed away several years ago."
"Ha ha!" Zhao Mingkun suddenly laughed, her voice ringing like silver bells, yet tears clearly flowed from her eyes. "That's wonderful! If that's the case, I can feel more at ease."
Then, Zhao Mingkun turned to me and said, "Wu Meng, I've long since wanted you to stop meddling in these matters, but you just wouldn't listen. Wu Meng, I know I will eventually die by your hands. It seems that my words have truly come to pass; you never heed my advice. But Wu Meng, the time we spent solving cases together was the happiest time of my life."
Zhao Mingkun's voice was soft, only I could hear what she was saying: "Do you remember the story I told you? After everyone dies, they become a star in the sky. The more people who miss them, the brighter that star shines. I know my star is dim, but I hope at least one person remembers me, remembers that I once fought against this fate, even though I failed."
"Wu Meng, don't worry about me. Besides you, there are many true friends who will always remember a big sister named Zhao Mingkun who once brought them warmth and a safe harbor. Aren't we a bit selfish? Wu Meng, if there is an afterlife, I will still be your sister."
"Foolish brother, please don't do anything reckless. Shao Shilin is treating you this way only for the sake of justice. I know he will eventually restore your innocence; he has done it. I'm just tired now."
"Brother, see you in the next life."
I couldn't hold back my tears. I understood what Zhao Mingkun meant by feeling at ease; with Yang Juan's death, her guilt intensified, and she became even more resolute in her decision to end her life.
"Sister," I called out.
The gun fired.
Zhao Mingkun, who had never loaded a bullet before, had put one in the gun this time. She never intended to leave this place alive.
With her life, she gave me and Shao Shilin an explanation.
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