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墨書 Inktalez
“Su Anrong, I think saying you’ve been focused on messing with your wife for thirty years is an understatement. You’ve been at it for a thousand years!” I said as I wiped dog poop off the soles of my shoes on the grass. I wanted to curse loudly; the more I wiped, the dirtier it got. It felt like there was poop stuck to my foot. I really shouldn’t have worn sandals today.
“Wife, you stepped in it.”
“What do you think?” I couldn’t hold back and yelled into the phone.
Who would have thought Su Anrong would ask, “Which pile did you step in?”
“Su Anrong, do you even have a conscience? I stepped in the dog poop you left! Shouldn’t you be concerned about me and tell me to wash it off quickly? Why are you asking which pile? Does it matter? It’s all dog poop!”
I was so angry that I almost threw my phone. My voice had changed from frustration, but Su Anrong quickly said, “Wife, don’t be mad. I just want to know which direction it is so I can get to you accurately.”
“I can’t tell directions; it’s over here by the Department of Literature. Hurry up and come!”
I hung up the phone, and Rice saw that I had been wiping for a while without getting it clean. He quickly squatted down by my feet and said, “Mommy, hold still! I’ll help you wipe.”
I decided to sit down on a nearby rock. Just as my bottom touched the stone, I was lifted up completely. The shoes with dog poop still stuck to them were taken off.
“Daddy!” Rice exclaimed happily.
To my surprise, Su Anrong really did appear beside me. He held me while frowning at the flattened dog poop beneath my feet. “Ugh, it took me so long to set up that dog poop formation, and now you’ve ruined it in an instant.”
I was speechless. There’s such a formation? Su Anrong, are you kidding me?
“Son, go ahead and drop some of your own poop on top to fix the formation. The power of child’s poop is no less than dog poop. With this formation, no ghosts will dare cause trouble at this school.”
“Okay, Daddy,” Rice replied enthusiastically and actually started to squat down to do his business.
"Oh my god, I can hardly bear to look at this."
"Are you two out of your minds today? Even if there really is such a formation, as long as anyone steps in dog poop, it will break your formation. How can you guarantee that no one will step in it?"
"My dear, you don't understand. This formation can only be seen by the three of us, and it will only break if you step on it. Simply put, as long as you don't step on it, this formation is unbreakable."
"Why didn't you say so earlier? You waited until I stepped on it to tell me."
"Who knew you wouldn't see such a big pile?"
I didn't want to continue discussing this issue; I felt like my IQ had been lowered by these two.
"Alright, enough of this topic. Let's not bring it up again. Tell me about your situation. What do you mean by dismantling the Old Ghost's tombstone?"
"We couldn't reach an agreement, so we dismantled her tombstone to vent our frustrations. That's why we need to set up the formation," Su Anrong said lightly.
But I had a feeling that a storm was brewing. Garlic, did you just make things worse for me again?
Su Anrong ignored my confusion. After washing his shoes in the bathroom, he even washed my feet and made sure they didn't smell before taking me to the school cafeteria.
He pressed me down onto a chair in the cafeteria. "Sit tight; I'll go order some food and be right back."
"Okay." I used to feel warm watching boys serve food to girls at school and would often steal glances at them. I never expected something like this would happen to me. I felt a little giddy with unspoken happiness.
However, Su Anrong was too dazzling. Since we entered the cafeteria, he had already attracted everyone's attention. As always, the girls shot me envious glares.
I pretended not to see them, but the wind wouldn't stop blowing even if the trees wanted to be still.
While Su Anrong was ordering food, two girls came over and sat beside me—one next to me and one directly across from me—clearly ready for a confrontation.
"Excuse me, this seat is taken," I said politely, fully aware that they were looking for trouble, but I figured it was better to be courteous first.
"I don't see anyone here," replied the girl across from me, her hair dyed a deep burgundy, multiple piercings in her ears, and her nails painted in a rainbow of colors—clearly a student from the arts department.
"If you can see someone and still sit there, then you're blind." Just as I finished speaking, the girl next to me grabbed my hair, forcing my head back.
Madam That hurts like hell.
Rice looked ready to intervene, but I quickly signaled him not to move. With so many people in the cafeteria, if he caused another supernatural incident, I'd really be seen as a witch.
Dealing with this kind of petty troublemaker was something I could handle myself.
"Let go," I gritted my teeth and said coldly.
"Sure thing," the girl replied, but then pulled out a pair of scissors from her pocket and aimed to cut my hair.
My body and hair were given to me by my parents; how dare this little brat think she could just chop it off? If anyone was going to cut my hair, it would be at a salon.
I clenched my jaw and grabbed the girl's hair in return. With a fierce tug, her body flew up like a piece of paper before she flipped and crashed onto the dining table.
I noticed Rice was grinning as he supported her fall. I thought so; it couldn't have been that easy to throw someone onto the table.
However, Rice needed to make his assistance less obvious; otherwise, everyone would think I had superhuman strength. So I reluctantly accepted his help.
The girl who had been thrown down was speechless, while the Red-Haired Girl stared at me in disbelief.
I snatched the scissors from the fallen girl's hand and stabbed them into the table beside her, causing her to freeze in fear as she realized she was no longer able to move.
At that moment, Su Anrong walked over with a dish in hand. Upon seeing the two girls, she looked surprised and exclaimed, "Wife, are we having a human feast?"
" Lord Zunshang!" The two girls cried out as if they had found a savior, looking pitiful. To be honest, they were quite attractive, at least more so than I was. Now that they seemed to have been bullied by me, they appeared even more endearing.
"I don't have such perverse tastes."
"In that case, let them go," Su Anrong said, unexpectedly pulling out a pair of scissors. With a couple of quick snips, before anyone could react, she cut off the hair of one of the girls at the table.
"Daddy v5!" Rice cheered happily.
Tears immediately streamed down the girl's face as she fled with the help of the Red-Haired Girl.
Su Anrong's mood was unaffected by the two girls. She picked up a piece of fish and placed it in my bowl. "Wife, try this; it smells really good."
"Shouldn't someone explain why so many people know you and call you Lord Zunshang?" I set my chopsticks down on the table, feeling no appetite at all.
"In this society where looks matter, it's perfectly normal for someone as good-looking as me to attract attention."
"But your name is Su Anrong. Why do they all call you Lord Zunshang? Even Black and White Impermanence calls you Lord Zunshang. Don't tell me these girls are all ghosts."
"Of course not. If they were, wouldn't your school become a ghost school?"
"Then what is going on?" To prevent this topic from being interrupted again, I asked Rice to keep an eye on our surroundings and not let anyone approach.
Su Anrong sat across from me, her expression calm and her eyes smiling, showing no signs of tension whatsoever. "Wife, it's better for you not to know about these things."
"Why?" I sensed it wasn't something good, but this question had been nagging at me for a long time. If I didn't find out soon, I would go crazy.
"There are countless reasons, but it boils down to one thing: you would get angry and lose your appetite. So just eat your meal for now."
"I'm not eating. If you don't say anything, I'll be even angrier."
At that moment, a familiar voice rang out, making me particularly want to punch someone.
"Rice, block her. Don't let her come over." Damn Zhang Mengdi, why did she have to show up at this moment? And calling me "big sister," what does that even mean? Do I look that old?
"Garlic, hurry up and speak. If you don't say anything today, I really will be angry."
Su Anrong stood up and sat beside me, looking serious as she said, "Wife, it's not easy to make money in this world, especially since we live in a society that relies on looks. I feel like if I don't use my looks to earn money, it would be a disservice to my appearance. So you understand."
"No way, are you saying you're going to become a prostitute?" The shocking thought flashed through my mind; I really never would have expected that.
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