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墨書 Inktalez
Hearing his name, Old Shao felt a sudden joy, much like a child being praised by their parents in kindergarten. It was a feeling he hadn't experienced in a long time. In the world of criminal investigation, Old Shao was a well-known figure; even the police academy used his book as a textbook.
He often encountered unfamiliar people who discussed psychological issues with him, and countless individuals had mentioned his book. Yet now, he felt an unusual sensation within him.
The old lady continued to chatter away, while Old Shao observed the room, both intentionally and unintentionally. There were only two pairs of slippers by the door, and the coat rack held only the elderly woman's clothes. On the tea table, there was just one cup; the others were turned upside down in the table's compartment. Among the several picture frames beside the TV cabinet, there was only one photo of a person.
Last night around ten o'clock, it had been just the old lady alone when she heard shouting coming from next door.
"Do you live here all by yourself?" Old Shao wiped his hands with a handkerchief.
"Eat fatty pork?" the old lady replied. "Doctor, I can't eat too much fat; it's not good for my health."
Old Shao shook his head. "You live alone?"
Only then did the old lady understand. "Yes, I live alone."
"What about your children?" Old Shao asked curiously, as he hadn't seen anyone else in the frames and it seemed she had always lived alone based on the items in her home.
"I've never been married," the old lady said with a smile. "So I have no children at all."
"You've never been married?" At his age, most people had children who already had children of their own, while Old Shao still chose to be alone. He reflected on the thirty years since he turned thirty; it wasn't that no one had confessed their feelings to him or that no one wanted to have children with him. But ever since that person left, no one had entered his heart again.
When he woke up early from dreams and saw a particularly funny joke, he often thought how nice it would be if he weren't alone. Yet when he looked at the photo of that woman on his bedside table, he thought that if it weren't for her, he would rather be alone.
"Hehe," the old lady said mysteriously. "I'm not one of those leftover women who no one wants! When I was young, suitors lined up from the east of the village to the west just to chase me. I opened my eyes wide to choose but couldn't find anyone suitable; I felt no one was worthy of me, so I never got married."
"But!" she added emphatically. "I had my first love at fifteen! Back then, it wasn't like it is for you young folks now. Who dared to date early? That was a serious taboo! If you did, you'd be pointed at and scolded for life."
Old Shao sighed helplessly. "Oh dear sister, that's now; back then we couldn't date early either..."
The old lady snorted, "What do I care about that? If I want to fall in love, I'll fall in love! And guess what happened later? They wanted me to marry early! I was only nineteen at the time, and I refused to get married. Besides, the matchmaker introduced me to someone who was just not my type."
"My mother fell in love at my age, but when it came time to marry, she didn't," the old lady chuckled to herself. "What do I care about them? If I don't want to get married, then I won't. I still want to go to school! Back then, I worked hard just to get into college."
Old Shao nodded; there were very few people who could attend college in that era, and even fewer women.
"Not this," the old lady turned to Old Shao. "You look quite a bit older than me. So, have you had any grandchildren yet?"
Old Shao shook his head. "I'm just like you; I've always been on my own. But I'm not as carefree as you; I've only been in love once in my life."
The old lady nodded. "Well, that's a bit rare for you. What happened with your first love? Did she marry someone else?"
Old Shao thought back to when he was thirty, the best years of his life with her. He had made many mistakes in that relationship but also experienced moments that he would later remember fondly. They had fought and reconciled numerous times; he always felt they would grow old together.
"Something happened," Old Shao pointed to his head. "She became a vegetable and never woke up again; she just left like that."
Hearing Old Shao's words, the old lady nodded and said, "You see, there's nothing wrong with that. If you were with someone because you truly liked them, that's the best scenario. But if you were just with someone out of loneliness, that's not good for anyone. If you once felt passion, then be content with that!"
Old Shao realized that this elderly woman was no ordinary person. She possessed a perspective and wisdom about life that others lacked. At his age, people usually sought him for advice on life experiences. Yet only Old Shao understood that each age comes with its own confusion; there were some questions he didn't have answers to either.
In that moment, Old Shao realized perhaps this elder could provide him with answers.
Old Shao asked, "What did you study in college?"
The old lady replied, "Philosophy. You know, people from our generation went through a tremendously destructive movement. Everyone who came from that era was confused. The three most important questions of philosophy are: Who am I? Where do I come from? Where am I going? Back then, no one could answer those questions for me; I had to seek the answers myself."
"Do those three questions have answers?" Old Shao asked. "What is your answer?"
The old lady shook her head and said, "No, the meaning of philosophy is different for everyone, and naturally, there are no fixed answers for anyone. This is something we need to search for our entire lives."
Old Shao nodded and spoke, "I have gone through three stages in my life. When I was young, I thought that capturing bad people and finding the truth was justice. In my middle age, I felt that if I could catch the bad guys, I didn't need any truth or to tell anyone about it, which led me to hurt someone who trusted me deeply."
"Now that I'm old," Old Shao sighed, "I find that justice is merely the opinion of the majority, and the truth is just a hypocritical excuse for them."
"I am truly a bit confused. What exactly is justice?" Old Shao asked.
The old lady nodded and replied to him, "In philosophy, there is a definition called the Principle of Cosmic Justice, which refers to the place where all beings arise and return. All animals exist here, and over time, they will naturally face corresponding consequences. Those who destroy the environment will suffer its backlash; if one species goes extinct, eventually the last remaining species will also perish."
"You have existed in this universe for a hundred million years; you and I are merely dust in the cosmos. What you want to do has no impact on the universe. Your own sense of justice cannot exist outside of it. So if you believe something is right, go ahead and do it, and bear the consequences of your actions."
"If someone thinks the truth is important, then tell them. If someone does not want to see the truth, then hide it from them. If you feel it's just, then act on it; if you feel it's unjust, then refrain from doing it." The old lady said, "People are the sum of all societies; how you become has long been shaped by the expectations of those you love."
The old lady continued, "Just like I love desserts; I eat them without caring whether I might die from diabetes or high blood pressure. You see? It's that simple."
"You don't need to search for justice." The old lady pointed at Old Shao's heart. "Because it already exists in everyone's heart."
Old Shao nodded.
The old lady added, "Wang Ziyi is a good child. I live alone, and she often comes to see me and helps me. So for me, finding that bastard who killed her and tearing his head off—that is my justice!"
"You know about it?" Old Shao asked.
The old lady replied, "Of course I know! With all the commotion you police make, how could I not? You see, life is such a fragile thing. I've lived eighty-two years and have come to terms with it. Just like living alone—there might come a day when I fall asleep and never wake up again—but I'm not worried or afraid. I do what needs to be done; that's the meaning of living a life. Do what you love most and bear the consequences that come with it."
"You see, I love sweets; that's why by fifty years old, all my teeth fell out! Hehe!" The old lady chuckled with a smile.
Old Shao kept the old woman's words in his heart. He began to understand that justice is not something that can be discovered, nor does it have a fixed standard. Perhaps for a murderer, killing is his form of justice; however, he must bear the consequences of his actions. And Old Shao is the one responsible for capturing him and making him face those consequences.
Old Shao stood up and said, "I understand now, old sister. I need to go investigate."
The old woman nodded and added, "There's no rush. I've been simmering sweet porridge since this morning. I have no teeth, so I can only eat this mushy stuff, but don't let its appearance fool you; it's delicious! I'm planning to open a restaurant in a year or two, specifically to cook for elderly people!"
With that, the old woman leaned on her cane and made her way to the kitchen with a shuffling sound. Before long, she returned with a bowl.
She hurriedly placed the bowl on the table, steam still rising from the sweet porridge. As she blew on her reddened hands, she smiled and said, "Hehe, hurry and eat; give it a try."
Old Shao took a bite and indeed found it to be one of the best bowls of porridge he had ever tasted. But who knows? At sixty years old, he still had plenty of time ahead to enjoy good food.
Being alone can be quite lonely, but if one can make their soul interesting, Old Shao thought, perhaps there’s no need to become someone like Jiang He—someone devoid of sadness or joy, lost in confusion—to live life fully and vibrantly.
On the television cabinet was a photo of the old woman from her youth. Even by the standards of that time, she was not particularly beautiful—quite ordinary, in fact. Yet Old Shao had no doubt she was a trendsetter back then and that those who admired her could line up from the east end of the village to the west.
Because an interesting soul is always more profound and likable than mere appearances.
"Sweet and delicious! I'll make another pot later!" The old woman's laughter echoed from the kitchen.
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