A patrol car cruised slowly down the street, almost silently, but the flashing red and blue lights stood out vividly against the night. The two officers inside were listening to a dispatch that contained a rather strange message: three mental patients had gone missing from the Provincial Mental Hospital and might have infiltrated the city. All patrol units were instructed to stay alert and report any sightings immediately.
"What’s going on? Mental patients have gone missing, and they’re notifying us through the system?" one officer remarked.
"Just a cooperative investigation, I guess. Nowadays, doctors only know how to collect bribes," the other replied.
"Even if the doctors are busy collecting bribes, they shouldn’t be running into our city. It’s nearly two hundred kilometers from the provincial hospital," the first officer said.
"Yeah, that’s quite a distance. Guess that’s why they’re called mental patients," the second officer chuckled.
The two patrol officers chatted casually, surprised but not overly concerned. The broadcast used terms like "stay alert" and "report," which, based on their professional instincts, indicated a relatively minor situation. They were already overwhelmed with daily thefts, robberies, and assaults; as long as these mental patients weren’t armed or carrying explosives, they could breathe a sigh of relief.
As the car continued down the road, three heads peeked out from behind a holly bush by the sidewalk. Then they stood up, dressed in makeshift clothing—standard street attire consisting of long coats, baggy shorts, and flip-flops. The trio walked several miles, preparing to execute their next plan: robbery.
It was Xiao Mu's turn to take action, but he felt an inexplicable tremor in his hands and body. Lu Hongbo noticed and pulled him aside. "What’s wrong? You’re scared just because you saw a police car?"
"I’ve never dealt with Chinese police before; it’s not that I’m guilty," Xiao Mu replied seriously.
"Oh? From your accent, it sounds like you’ve dealt with foreign police. Are they really that civilized?" Lu Hongbo asked.
"At least they appear civilized on the surface. But honestly, crows are crows everywhere; police are generally the same—mostly corrupt," Xiao Mu said, showing little fondness for the country he once lived in. Baldy, who was busy picking up a cigarette box for some purpose, curiously asked, "Oh? You’ve been abroad?"
"Of course! I’m an overseas returnee—a student studying abroad," Xiao Mu said dismissively as he tugged at his clothes. "Do you really think I’m a mental patient?"
Baldy seemed confused and turned to Lu Hongbo. "What does ‘overseas student’ mean?"
"It means… a student who failed and had to repeat their year abroad—shortened to ‘overseas student,’" Lu Hongbo teased Xiao Mu deliberately, probably seeking revenge for being tricked twice before. Xiao Mu pouted in annoyance while Baldy commented disapprovingly, "You failed so badly that you had to go abroad? Aren’t you embarrassed?"
"You’re just pretending, right? I can’t believe you don’t know what a returnee is," Xiao Mu said angrily.
Baldy, unable to tell whether he was acting or not, sneered, "Oh, no wonder you’re so timid; turns out you’re just a relative of that turtle bastard... a sea turtle."
Hahaha, Professor Lu laughed heartily, declaring Baldy cultured. Xiao Mu glared in frustration, but he couldn’t muster the courage to confront the towering figure of Baldy. Baldy wasn’t one to waste words; he shoved something into Xiao Mu's hands and said, "Hold this tight and make it quick."
It was just a layer of thin tin foil wrapped around cardboard. It looked shiny but was absurdly fake. Xiao Mu lamented, "Baldy, this is even more ridiculous than the five-cent special effects in domestic dramas. You expect me to use this for a robbery?"
"Robbery is a technical job; it’s not just about being fierce... Besides, robbery and theft are not the same concept. Professor, teach him," Baldy commanded. Professor Lu listed several articles from the Criminal Law: robbery could lead to three to five years in prison, and if the circumstances were particularly severe, over ten years or even the death penalty. Theft was much lighter; at worst, it would result in administrative penalties.
So Professor Lu advised that one shouldn’t be too ruthless in life, and even less so when committing crimes. They were just looking to gather some travel expenses quickly; they weren’t planning to get rich here. It was better to be cautious; if things went wrong, they might end up like him—getting beaten up.
Xiao Mu was dumbfounded; he seriously suspected these two had severe mental issues. However, upon closer inspection, there was some logic to their madness. After all, only someone who had been repeatedly beaten down could reach such heights of absurdity.
Sure enough, Baldy showed him how it was done. He took a "knife," suddenly jumped out, and pointed it close to Xiao Mu’s face—so close that it was hard to mistake what it was. Taking advantage of the other person’s momentary shock, he could just grab something and run... Besides, there would be someone covering for him; what could go wrong?
As he spoke, Baldy pushed Xiao Mu into action. The one providing cover would be Lu Hongbo. Baldy explained that he would supervise from behind; with his looks showing up in front of strangers at this time would only scare them off before they even had a chance to hand over their money.
This guy seemed to be looking for fun while doing nothing.
However, Lu Hongbo was quite pleased to see Xiao Mu fidgeting like a shy bride on her wedding day. He chuckled and encouraged him, "It’s actually very simple; committing a crime is just like making love—it can be quite exhilarating."
"That’s nonsense! How can they be the same? Mutual affection is such a beautiful thing," Xiao Mu retorted.
"Exactly! That wonderful feeling—once you’ve experienced it, you’ll want more," Professor Lu grinned mischievously. When Xiao Mu turned around and stood firm, Professor Lu had already anticipated this and pointed at his own scarred face. "Don’t provoke me; if I show up, people will run away before they even think about getting robbed."
Great! Encountering this pair of lunatics seemed hopeless. After hesitating for a long time and struggling with his thoughts about whether or not to go through with this plan while also considering how to get home, Xiao Mu wandered uncertainly near the entrance of an establishment and missed several opportunities as Professor Lu watched closely. When he spotted someone small and skinny approaching, he nudged Xiao Mu from behind: "Go on! There’s one coming—looks easy to scare..."
With that push, Xiao Mu found himself on the path leading toward the target. Gritting his teeth, he rushed forward and suddenly stood in front of the person, shouting at the top of his lungs: "Stop!"
He was a young man, thin and frail, who suddenly found himself startled. Holding a "knife," he tried to put on a fierce expression and shouted boldly, "Robbery! I've got plenty of money... Don't resist, or you'll regret it!"
"Bro, if you have plenty of money, why are you robbing me?" The Skinny Man was taken aback, and upon seeing the handsome young man, he found it hard to feel scared.
Oh no, I misspoke. Xiao Mu slapped his own mouth. He was so used to being rich that he had forgotten what it was like to be poor. Realizing this, he couldn't maintain his fierce demeanor any longer. He waved his hand dismissively and said, "Forget it, forget it... You look like a broke loser anyway; robbing you wouldn't give me any sense of accomplishment."
Unexpectedly, this remark infuriated the Skinny Man, who was about to leave. He angrily slapped Xiao Mu and cursed, "What are you pretending for? As if you're not a pathetic loser yourself... Crazy."
Anger surged within him. Robbery was one thing, but how dare he insult the dignity of a poor person? Didn't he know that Xiao Mu's dignity was already in tatters?
The slap startled Xiao Mu, who then received a spit from the Skinny Man before he stormed off in a huff.
Not long after, holding his stinging face, Xiao Mu stood in front of Lu Hongbo, who was laughing heartily. The old man finally got his revenge and looked at Xiao Mu with amusement. He tried to speak several times but was interrupted by fits of laughter.
The young man felt wronged and wore a miserable expression. It was so embarrassing. He muttered to himself in indignation about how unreasonable people could be; he hadn't even done anything to provoke that guy. If it weren't for feeling sorry for him, he would have beaten him up.
He sounded just like someone trying to find victory in defeat as he sat down on the ground in frustration, tossing aside the broken knife: I'm done.
"Hey, hey, don't give up! I’m telling you, Baldy is watching us; we can't let him look down on us! ... Let's try again; if it doesn't work this time, I'll throw away my pride and do it myself. How about that?" Lu Hongbo urged Xiao Mu while frequently glancing toward the street corner where Baldy was waiting to see the spectacle.
Together they were no match for Baldy. Professor Lu had said that the only reason Baldy hadn’t made a move yet was that he wanted to see if they were worth his time as criminals. If they were too weak, he'd just toss them aside—what would they do then?
"I can't do this; look at my face," Xiao Mu protested as he stretched his neck.
"It looks fine; what's wrong with it?" Lu Hongbo laughed.
"Yeah, it's not intimidating at all. Look at me trying to look fierce... I could still look handsome! But nobody's scared of me. Damn it! I can make a living off my looks; when did I need to resort to robbery?" Xiao Mu self-deprecatingly remarked. The experiences he'd gone through these days were more bizarre than anything he'd encountered in an entire year; nothing had unfolded as expected.
Lu Hongbo showed little sympathy. He touched his own face and winced in pain before encouraging him, "Just lighten up! I still make a living by slapping faces... Come on, here they come... This time it'll definitely work; just scare her and she'll faint! We can grab her bag and have enough for bus fare to get home by dawn..."
Old Lu urged, pulling and pushing, once again shoving Xiao Mu onto the path. As Xiao Mu looked up, he saw a girl with long hair hurrying across the street, the faint sound of her high heels echoing in the air. This gave him a boost of courage, and he quickly walked towards his target.
Getting closer, he realized it was a chubby girl who was on the phone. Suddenly, Xiao Mu jumped in front of her and shouted, "Stop!"
The girl let out a sharp scream, covering her mouth in shock. When she focused her gaze, she saw a tall boy with melancholic eyes standing under the streetlight. Her infatuation quickly overshadowed her fear as she continued to gasp in surprise, "Wow, you're so handsome!"
"Enough nonsense! This is a robbery. Hand over your money!" Xiao Mu threatened, brandishing a shiny knife.
"Hey, I just got fired by my boss... I still have two paychecks pending, and I can barely afford my rent. Look in my bag; there's only a few coins left for the bus..." The girl opened her bag to show him.
Oh poor girl, Xiao Mu thought as he noticed her old knockoff phone and the faded work uniform she wore. His heart filled with sympathy; his hand trembled as he pulled back the knife, looking at her with tearful eyes. Damn this miserable environment; why couldn't he encounter someone wealthy?
"You can go. I'm not robbing you anymore," Xiao Mu waved his hand dismissively.
"Hey... I've been broken up with my boyfriend for months," the girl said nervously yet excitedly as she gazed at handsome Xiao Mu. She whispered, "Why don't you take me away?"
Xiao Mu gasped at her words and then took a closer look at her round face and thick waist. Clearly, she wasn't his type at all. Reluctantly, he replied, "Hey, you're so ugly; you think too highly of yourself."
"Ugh, you jerk!" The girl was infuriated and spat at Xiao Mu before turning to run away. Furious, Xiao Mu threw his weapon aside. It landed lightly on the ground without going far.
The second robbery ended in failure.
There was no hope; this was like trying to herd ducks or chase rabbits into a river. He realized he simply didn't have what it took. Xiao Mu had never noticed how inadequate he was; failing at such a trivial task made him feel utterly ashamed—especially with Lu Hongbo beside him laughing uncontrollably. Enraged, Xiao Mu kicked him.
The kick only made Lu Hongbo laugh harder as they reached the corner of the street near a trash can where Baldy was also chuckling. Lu Hongbo summarized their little adventure: essentially that this kid was a rookie who not only failed to rob but also got slapped in the face for it. "Now do you believe it?"
"Let’s go; follow me," Baldy said as he stood up to leave.
Xiao Mu followed but felt something was off. He grabbed Old Lu and asked, "Believe what?"
“Believe you’re a rookie, huh? Times are tough these days, and the police are tighter than locusts. Can you not be cautious?” Old Lu said, while Xiao Mu helplessly pointed at himself, “Are you… testing me to see if I’m a cop?”
“Of course we have to test you. Dr. Bai takes special care everywhere; who can guarantee that you went to the Mental Hospital for no ulterior motive?” Baldy replied without turning around.
“I… I don’t even know how I ended up in the Mental Hospital.”
Xiao Mu stopped in his tracks, realizing that this incident had far-reaching consequences; even these two troublemakers had never believed him.
“Let’s go, we believe you this time,” Old Lu said, putting an arm around Xiao Mu. Xiao Mu asked in confusion, “On what basis do you believe me?”
“Based on how you’ve scammed me… based on how you couldn’t even get back your damn travel expenses, haha. I’ve run into more than one cop before; damn it, they’re all sharper than each other. You think I haven’t been caught by the police a dozen times? How could I not be careful?” Old Lu said. At that moment, Baldy turned back and smiled; it seemed the two were intentionally testing Xiao Mu’s background with this kind of initiation.
The outcome was naturally obvious; someone as foolish as a robber wouldn’t be those unscrupulous cops.
“So what’s next?” Xiao Mu asked.
“Do you want to come with me?” Old Lu invited warmly. Xiao Mu responded with a disgusted roll of his eyes, and then Old Lu laughed, “Then forget it; we’ll see you off… but it’ll be troublesome for you if you fall into the hands of the police in the future.”
“Then I’d rather not,” Xiao Mu replied defiantly, feeling a loss of basic trust. He suddenly had no good feelings towards the two; this pair of scoundrels was hardly worthy of sympathy.
Perhaps it was because they both felt that the other posed no threat that they relaxed. Old Lu boasted about his past exploits, having been interrogated by the police for seven days and nights without giving anything away. Xiao Mu understood; this was where paranoid schizophrenia came from. As for Baldy, he hadn’t even told them his name; he looked down on Xiao Mu and disliked Old Lu. If it weren’t for the money Old Lu had promised him, he would have probably gone solo by now. For him, being out meant freedom; bringing along two others was just a burden.
As they spoke, they reached a road near the edge of town, at the entrance of a small community. Baldy turned back and quietly told them, “Wait here. Remember the Train Station Clock Tower we saw when we came? If we get separated later, let’s meet there.”
Old Lu nodded while Xiao Mu still didn’t understand. Old Lu pulled him aside and quietly instructed, “Don’t make things chaotic; pay attention and learn what real robbery looks like.”
“Wow, is this place even suitable?” Xiao Mu exclaimed in shock. It was summer, and so many people were coming in and out of the community entrance; this was too dangerous. But Old Lu replied confidently, “The skilled dare greatly.”
As he spoke, Baldy moved quickly. A Hyundai had just parked; its owner had just gotten out with a handbag tucked under his arm and hadn’t closed the door yet. Baldy dashed forward in one swift motion, snatched the bag away, and startled the owner who turned around only to meet Baldy’s massive fist squarely in the face. With one punch landing perfectly, Baldy pressed him against the car and calmly searched him. Moments later, he finished robbing him and shoved him into the car before taking off running.
The entire process took no more than a few seconds, clean and efficient. By the time someone curiously turned their gaze that way, Baldy had already run far away. Xiao Mu was left dumbfounded, suddenly understanding what Old Lu meant when he said it would be troublesome if he ever fell into the hands of the police.
Indeed, this bald guy probably had quite a few criminal records.
"Let's go! We have money for transportation and food... Hehe... Linzi, think carefully about my suggestion. Tomorrow, I will leave this place and live a life of luxury... Really, it might even earn me more respect than your overseas degree and give me a greater sense of accomplishment," Lu Hongbo said with a smile, trying to entice Xiao Mu.
"You make a living by slapping faces; believing you would be insane," Xiao Mu replied disdainfully, casting a glance with no interest at all.
Next, they found themselves in a desperate situation. Not only did they have money for transportation and food, but they also had a phone. Old Lu spoke with the person who was supposed to pick them up, agreeing on the time and place to meet, then casually crushed the phone underfoot.
In the bag they had stolen were some cash. Baldy tossed a few hundred yuan to Xiao Mu, telling him to figure out how to leave by himself in the morning. Xiao Mu couldn't be happier; this was probably the only moment he felt grateful towards Baldy since they met. The three of them used the stolen money to feast at a street night market, then drunkenly made their way to the rendezvous point.
It was simple—a chaotic train station was the best place to hide. Inside and outside the station, there were people lying on the ground everywhere; it was hard to tell who were travelers and who were homeless. Baldy found a clean spot under an awning, and the three of them lay down under the open sky, gazing at the stars above. Before long, Baldy and Old Lu fell asleep after just a few words. Exhausted and sleepy, Xiao Mu had no thoughts left; his eyelids were heavy as he leaned against Baldy's sturdy arm and unknowingly drifted off into slumber...
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