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墨書 Inktalez
I don't know what made me suddenly forget everything around me; I could only feel my tears flowing. It seemed as if everything around me had vanished, leaving only Zhang Yang's tall and solitary figure standing quietly in the distance.
He lifted his head, looking at me with sadness, and opened his mouth to say something.
His voice drifted through the air, but I couldn't hear it clearly. However, the connection between us was so strong that I felt I had spent more time with him than I had known Qiu. I could decipher his words just by reading his lips.
He said, "Zhenzhen, come back."
"Zhenzhen, don't you think... Teacher Zhang... does he like you a bit?"
When the girl in my dorm asked me this hesitantly, even though she tried to hide it, there was still a hint of jealousy in her tone.
"Go away! Don't talk nonsense! If you studied as hard as I do, he would have noticed you long ago!"
Ah, during my time at school, I really was blunt and awkward with my words. Looking back at that version of myself now, I can't help but feel a bit ashamed.
But did I really not feel anything at all?
Zhang Yang seemed strict with me day after day, yet objectively speaking, only I understood how much time and effort he had invested in me. It far exceeded the duties of an amateur tutor by hundreds or thousands of times.
He silently gave me everything he could without explanation, offering the best he had.
I knew this; I just hadn't thought about it. But now, after living in Tang for nearly a year, realizing that even after leaving him I was still receiving his gifts, when that layer of self-deception was finally pierced, a beam of blinding sunlight suddenly shone into my heart, making it hard for me to open my eyes.
I suddenly remembered how I felt at that moment when Zhang Yang inexplicably disappeared for over a hundred days. I marked the days of his absence in my notebook with lines, my heart hanging in suspense. How I began to wake up in the middle of the night from gunfire in my dreams and would sit up in bed, anxiously clasping my hands together in prayer for him.
I could no longer imagine him suddenly vanishing from this world. Only through loss do people realize how precious what they have is. I admit that perhaps Zhang Yang had quietly occupied a unique place in my heart long ago.
I never considered how strong my obsession with Nie Qiuyuan was, so I never thought about the meaning behind it all.
Fate is fate; every trajectory of destiny is a necessity drawn by coincidence. If, if that time Zhang Yang had come back a little later, late enough for me to cry out loud, late enough for me to pray to the gods to exchange everything for his safety; if, if before I arrived in the Tang Dynasty, Zhang Yang had taken my hand and asked me to stay, perhaps everything would have turned out differently.
But fate is fate; there are no "ifs" in destiny.
I do not regret it, yet my heart aches inexplicably, aching to the point where I just want to cry my heart out.
Tears surged forth uncontrollably. Just then, I felt a dull pain in my bones as someone pulled me into their embrace, almost crushing my bones. This pain suddenly brought me back to reality, and I was astonished to see Qiu tightly holding me.
Bopo the Divine Monk stood nearby; how could he so recklessly hold me like this?!
Nie Qiuyuan was nothing like his usual self; his face bore an expression of reckless determination. He picked me up effortlessly and said “Excuse me” to Zhu Gao Seng Bopo Master before carrying me out of the room and leaping onto the roof.
All I knew was that he held me tightly as we swiftly flew across the rooftops, the warm April breeze carrying the scent of flowers brushing against our robes. He pressed his lips together tightly, not uttering a word. I didn’t know how long we ran, but beads of sweat began to form on his forehead.
The colors shifted from dim to pitch black as the bright moon climbed high. Suddenly, Qiu descended, landing on the ground. It was only then that I realized he hadn’t been running on rooftops but rather through a forest.
A river wound its way through the landscape, moonlight shimmering on the water like rippling stardust. The surroundings were desolate and silent; on the riverbank stood a large willow tree swaying its soft branches.
Nie Qiuyuan set me down and moved closer, pressing me against the Willow Tree.
His expression changed abruptly like a startled rabbit as he asked in a panic, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Zhenzhen, did I hurt you?”
Before I could respond, he suddenly turned around, switching our positions so that his back was now against the Willow Tree. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. After a moment, his body slid down against the tree trunk until he sat down beneath it.
I fell into his embrace.
"Don't go... Zhenzhen, don't go, don't leave me..."
I looked at him in surprise, realizing how unusually fragile he appeared, like a child terrified of losing something precious. In that moment, he seemed honest and simple; this was not my autumn, but my night.
He was still the gentle one, the shadow that protected and cared for me.
"I..."
"Zhenzhen, I understand now. That person has always been in your world, protecting you..."
"Yes, Zhang Yang... he has."
He not only guarded me in my world; his heart had always been with me. So in this world, whenever I faced difficulties and dangers, he was like a spirit behind me, always there when I called.
"Zhenzhen, there have been so many times when you called his name in your sleep. When you called for him, your voice was filled with such tenderness and trust. He is so lucky to share this world with you, to be able to protect you in your life. All of this makes me so jealous!"
Nie Qiuyuan tightened his grip on my arm.
"Zhenzhen, have you never understood your own feelings? Then what about now..."
Yes, I had never truly grasped Zhang Yang's feelings or realized how deep they ran, filling my heart in an instant.
Before I could react or respond, Nie Qiuyuan pressed my face against his chest. His hand caressed my hair, disheveling the hairstyle I had worn as a boy. My long hair fell down over my shoulders.
“Zhenzhen, please don’t tell me… No matter what your answer is, I want to ask you not to leave, to stay! Zhenzhen, in the days to come, I will prove to you with everything I have that I can do what he can do, and I can give you what he can give you. My love for you will not be less than anyone else's by even a fraction; I know very well what it feels like.”
His fingers trembled slightly, imperceptibly. His embrace was warmer than spring, and his words were filled with a desire that was both loving and fearful, making them particularly moving. I looked at him in astonishment, hearing his heart beating rapidly close to me. All of this pulled me out of my memories and dragged me back into the present reality.
“Night, what’s wrong with you?” I asked him in surprise. I didn’t know why I called him “Night,” but it just came out so naturally.
Under the moonlight, everything became hazy. Night held me tightly and said softly, “Because I’m afraid.”
“Afraid?” What on earth was going on with him?
“Zhenzhen, I’m afraid that you’ll realize your heart loves someone else, that you’ll choose another person, that you’ll leave, that you’ll disappear from my world.”
He lowered his head, gazing at me with eyes as deep as water. Those eyes were still so charming, but the confidence they once held was gone. A look I had never seen before appeared on his face—a wounded expression he was desperately trying to suppress, making me feel a pang of sympathy.
Could it be that he was worried about me falling for someone else? This guy had shown off his high intelligence quotient in front of me before; how could it suddenly seem negative at this moment!
The expression on Night’s face successfully shifted my melancholic mood and redirected my focus onto him. What was wrong with me? This person before me cared for me so deeply; how could I have made him feel sad and fearful?
Yes, thanks to the divine enlightenment from the Zhu Gao Seng Bopo Master, I suddenly realized that all along, I had taken such profound feelings for granted. Everything Zhang Yang had done now brought tears to my eyes as each fragment of memory warmed my heart.
But this did not mean my feelings had wavered. I hadn’t understood Zhang Yang’s feelings at the right time or place, yet my feelings for Nie Qiuyuan had already been shaped by time piece by piece. It wasn’t just that he couldn’t lose me; in truth, I couldn’t lose him either.
So my tears at this moment were merely sadness for lost beauty and the pain of unfulfilled love. Therefore, don’t be afraid; let me cry it out freely.
I wiped away my tears and smiled through my sorrow, reaching out a hand to gently caress my idol's cheek.
"Night..."
"Mm?"
"Fool..."
He looked at me in surprise, his appearance so handsome and outstanding that it felt like I was the one taking advantage. How could I let someone like him feel sad?
"What are you jealous of? Jealous of those who were born in the same world as me? But didn't I come to your world just for you? Shouldn't you be the one to be jealous? You understood all this before; why don't you get it now?"
"Mm..."
I suddenly found it a bit amusing; it felt like I was the one comforting him. Shouldn't it be the man comforting the woman?
My beloved, Holy Monk, wants me to see clearly, hoping my life can be fulfilled. I belong to you; all of this has long been destined. What are you afraid of?
But your fear of losing me makes me feel so happy, so satisfied; it's truly intoxicating.
In that moment, I realized my growth. In my lover's embrace, I shed some of my youthful innocence and transformed into a woman.
"Night..."
"Mm?"
"You're too tall; could you bend down a little?"
He obediently leaned down. So I whispered in his ear, "Let me show you what my heart feels for you, with a lifetime to prove it."
He froze, his body stiff and unmoving.
"Bow your head," I commanded.
He foolishly lowered his head, and I stood on my tiptoes, wrapping my arms around his neck, gently, softly kissing his lips.
I don't know what the devil you love in my heart looks like, but perhaps, let your devil reveal just a hint of its cunning edge.
At first, he stood still, but then he embraced me, trembling slightly as he accepted me. Gradually… it became a bit… too passionate.
Under the moonlight, the silhouette of two lovers lost in a kiss was captured.
Silly boy, you’re not unaware; I've shown you how I feel. I must take responsibility for you!
Beloved, hold me tight and trust that my love for you is stronger than gold. Because soon… I will be marrying you!
Hehe.
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