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墨書 Inktalez
Sang Yu lay in bed, tossing and turning with her eyes closed, unable to fall asleep. Finally, she sat up in frustration, letting out a helpless sigh. She had thought she had moved on, so why did news about that person still disturb her peace?
Glancing at the alarm clock on her bedside table, she realized it was already ten past midnight. "Ugh!" she groaned, exasperated. She had work tomorrow! What was she even doing scrolling through high school group chats?
Suddenly, a craving for snacks hit her. She got up and headed to the living room to open the cabinet where she kept her snacks, only to find it completely empty—nothing left at all. She had forgotten that she had finished all the snacks. She had come home late and hadn’t had time to go to the supermarket. Rubbing her hair in irritation, she reflected on how she had always had this habit since childhood: whenever she felt down, she turned to food. This was also why, before college, she had always been slightly plump.
Now that she was so thin, it was because of an illness she had suffered during her senior year of high school due to that person. Afterward, she lost weight and looked at her slender arms and legs with a bittersweet smile. Shouldn’t she be thanking that person for giving her such a slim figure?
Since that year when she lost weight, she hadn’t gained any back; her weight had stabilized around ninety pounds. She wondered if it was true what others said—that once you reached a certain level of thinness, you wouldn’t gain weight again.
That year, she lost over thirty pounds. As her mother put it, she looked like a bamboo pole. No matter how much she ate afterward or how much she tried to gain weight, it never happened. Perhaps it was because her stomach had shrunk; every meal left her feeling full quickly, making it impossible for her to gain weight.
Standing in the living room and wrestling with herself for a moment, Sang Yu finally decided to go downstairs to buy something to eat. After all, since sleep eluded her, taking a stroll wouldn’t be too bad.
Changing out of her pajamas, Sang Yu slipped into a light yellow dress that she planned to wear tomorrow. She secured her hair back with a shark clip and put on some slippers before grabbing her phone and keys and heading out.
Summer clothes were nothing like winter attire; stepping outside didn’t require layers upon layers of clothing. In summer, changing outfits took less than a minute. If it were winter, Sang Yu doubted she'd have the motivation to go out for food due to the hassle of dressing up.
As she stepped outside the community, the streets were brightly lit. It was early summer now, and the weather grew hotter by the day. The various barbecue stalls lining the streets were entering their peak season. Even at ten o'clock at night, the streets were bustling with activity; many diners sat outside restaurants enjoying barbecued food amidst laughter and chatter filling the air. Sang Yu smiled faintly—this was wonderful!
Holding some skewers from a nearby barbecue shop in hand, she strolled slowly down the lively street as if wandering aimlessly. Upon closer inspection, one could see that her eyes were somewhat dazed, unfocused as they gazed into the distance—lost in thought—her cool demeanor standing out amidst the vibrant atmosphere.
In truth, she wasn’t really hungry; she just wanted something to munch on. During dinner earlier that evening, Sang's monther had been nagging her about being too thin and urging her to eat more. Sang Yu felt somewhat full after eating; at five feet tall and weighing ninety pounds, others might see her as having an enviable figure. However, in Sang's father and Sang's monther ’s eyes, their eldest daughter truly looked a bit too thin.
So whenever Sang Yu was home, Sang's monther would prepare delicious meals three times a day while watching over Sang Yu to ensure she ate enough. Thankfully, Sang's monther was an excellent cook and Sang Yu had a hearty appetite; this allowed them to enjoy each other’s company.
Thinking back to when she left home earlier that day, her mother repeatedly warned her not to lose weight! Sang Yu felt helpless; she'd never intended to diet—was it really her fault that food didn’t make her gain weight?
What kind of young woman goes out at midnight just to buy barbecue? Sang Yu thought about calling her mother via video chat just so she could see that her daughter was awake at this hour buying skewers; surely it would bring comfort to her mother.
Looking up at the night sky revealed only a solitary moon hanging above with a few stars scattered here and there—a far cry from the starry nights of yesteryears.
She remembered when she used to visit her grandmother's house in the countryside; every night when she looked up after dinner, the sky would be filled with countless stars—a breathtaking sight indeed. One of her favorite childhood activities was lying in her grandmother's yard after dinner watching the stars twinkle above; such beautiful nights seemed nearly impossible to witness again.
Walking along the quiet path of the community flanked by dim lights on either side felt eerily silent—much like how she felt inside: somewhat desolate and helpless.
Ever since seeing news about that person earlier in the evening, peace seemed elusive; even self-deception felt impossible now.
It had been seven years since then. She used to think each passing year was torturous but eventually found some semblance of ease—she thought she'd moved on—but now Sang Yu couldn’t help but let out a bitter smile.
Looking ahead now made time feel like it had flown by; without realizing it, two years had passed since graduating from college and starting work.
People often said time heals all wounds. Everything from before—the happy moments as well as the sorrowful ones—would gradually fade away with time’s passage.
But why does time seem to have a healing effect on her? Just a slight tease, and her heart would ache fiercely, just like it did back then!
Sang Yu returned home feeling dejected. She took a can of beer from the fridge. Beer and grilled skewers were a perfect match, and besides, having a drink would make it easier to sleep, wouldn’t it?
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