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墨書 Inktalez
As soon as he arrived, everyone was applauding with the same frequency, it was terrifying.
"Why can you even find a carpenter!"
After being reprimanded by him, the so-called carpenter stepped back, and his face could be seen turning red with anger.
War has finally come, and the solemn atmosphere has suddenly turned into a serious reality, making people relax. There are more military officers in the restaurant, and from their whispers, it can be known that the war actually started several months ago, but it has only spread to this area this month. Along with them are some refugees. The little girl in the palm of my hand, I mean, I am holding her hand.
The girl's ancestral home is here, so even though she fled, it was also a homecoming. Her parents did not die in the war. According to her own account, she disappeared on the night of the first gunfire.
"I woke up and saw their blankets were lifted. Their clothes were gone, and so was my little dog."
In fact, the entire village was deserted overnight.
Relying on the remaining food at home, she managed to hold on for a while, but still became as thin as a skeleton due to hunger. Fortunately, the army arrived just before everything was depleted. When they saw her, she was still holding half a bag of rice.
Before the gold earned in the West runs out, I think this is the only burden I can afford.
I admit that I am not without selfishness. In fact, I had heard about the war long ago, which is why I took her in now. At any other time, I would not have been able to do so.
After the brief certification process, I took her back to the house. Through those thick glass walls, many children were eagerly looking on. When we left, they were all looking at me. I didn't know any of them. The door creaked open, and that sound instantly reminded me of Yao Yao's bedroom.
It's been a long time.
The little girl's dark face looks quite pretty when washed clean, and maybe the gray teddy bear she's holding and the clothes thrown into the washing machine can be cleaned too.
"It's white..."
"Beibei is very, not washed. Mom only rubs her with soap, but that will, hurt. What is that good-smelling water."
She was neither shy nor timid, looking at me with her young eyes as she spoke. I almost didn't catch what she was saying, as she spoke slowly and deliberately.
fool I should have taken her to eat first!
I can't believe I forgot, I still need to buy a set of clothes, at least two sets. My shirt has turned into a robe on her.
"What, are you still carrying that bag of rice."
When we left, she was still holding the bag of rice in her hand, like a doll.
"My mom often says, 'Without this, there would be no food.'"
I just felt a bit emotional for a moment. After all, I don't like kids.
"Stay here, you and that bag of rice are both safe. You won't go hungry today."
"Do you need a custom order?"
"Yes, I'll take a set."
I never thought that the first time I would have clothes custom-made would be for a completely unrelated child. I thought I would never do it in my lifetime. But since the war is coming, the value of money will become increasingly insignificant, so I might as well have the tailor take her measurements. A female tailor, so young. Quite rare. Why does it always seem...
White dress.
What's that delicious smell? It's spareribs, with a spicy and fragrant flavor.
I remember that summer, that summer vacation when Dad cooked spare ribs in the container house, and I stood by stirring, looking at her messages. I seemed to hear the girl's hungry cries, and all of this felt as melancholic as the history of Sappho.
Never ask a hungry person what they want to eat, because they don't know anything, they just want to eat everything. I took her straight to the place I often go to, and she licked clean all the dishes I usually eat.
Honestly, looking at her, watching her swallow the food on the plate, I always feel like I'm dreaming. It has nothing to do with the person or thing in front of me, it's just that I often feel lost like this.
"Something has arrived, right?"
"What?"
"I woke up and everyone was gone."
"What do you want to say?"
She didn't answer, and I didn't understand either.
"You will follow me from now on, understand?"
"What about my mom and dad?"
When she asked me this, how could I possibly know how to answer.
"Until we find them, you will stay with me, okay?"
"Will you lead me to find them?"
"Maybe."
"What if one day you also disappear?"
I never thought she would ask such a question. Does she know she is an abandoned child? No matter what she is abandoned by. At night, the bed separates one side, and the bay window just fits her. Whatever light shines on her face from outside, I envy the child's calmness.
Maybe I've cried when no one knew.
It's better to be alive than dead,
Is it true?
The various realities are too cruel for her, I think. Does she understand it herself? Even if Balzac, would he be a best-selling author now?
"I gave up my life."
This kind of talk is really great.
It's like you can have whatever you want.
And I am just a slave of life, a slave of bodily functions.
I have been abandoned by life.
I vaguely remember my childhood, sitting on the train home. Listening to the sound of the tracks colliding one by one.
When I was young, I even thought, I'll go to see you.
Dad.
The longing has been dragging on, until the end, I won't shed tears when we part.
Is it her now...
I guess missing someone is impossible to convey.
Because it can't even leave my mind.
I no longer understand what kind of person I miss. She is still alive. You know she won't come back, let alone go looking for her. A broken mirror can be mended, but the cracks will not disappear. The kind of emotion I wanted in the beginning is gone.
I lost this game miserably.
What defines success in life, and how do we define failure?
Mom and Dad, you don't care.
"I have failed."
I don't know, but I can feel it.
The words spoken carry a hint of panic, it's like this.
I won't come to find you again, there is absolutely nothing between us. The calm lake has frozen over, and the fierce flames have been extinguished. There is absolutely nothing between us. You are still alive, you should be happy.
I allow the darkness in my heart to come out at night, and I must face it recklessly. I hold back the tears of unease in my heart, and I cannot turn back because I must face it. Maybe I will be stabbed, maybe I will die. The only mercy is to die right away.
Not a hint of pain.
What makes me sad, what I can't forget in the past.
There's no need to remember.
"If he had died when he was young,
There would still be a three-thousand-year-old child in the world.
Let the light be extinguished, in the light, I can see my shadow without needing a mirror."
Let the light fade away, In the midst of fate ness, I can avoid facing myself.
I won't die, I'm just leaving myself.
Tagore's poetry is so unforgettable, the summer's flying birds, the autumn's quiet leaves.
I dreamt that I was executed by a firing squad, and then I said something like a last word, and the whole world was watching me. Those cameras, because they brought trauma to this country.
Only scars, pain will be remembered. Only they are proof. The scar on my arm is no longer visible, so I disappeared without a trace.
I want to drink Seaweed soup, I want to drink Tomato and egg soup. When my mom cooked mung bean soup for me, she rolled her eyes because I didn't do anything. It was probably the summer vacation when I was eleven, because I was very playful.
Covered by the curtain, it's still too bright.
"Because I feel there's no need to tell you. You're just interrogating me, not intending to communicate. You're trying to extract some information and then interpret it in your own way, and then label me with a crime."
"What did you do yesterday afternoon?"
Who would remember such a thing, every day is the same every day. I can't remember what I said a second ago."
I ask about your well-being to anyone but you.
I understand that all of this is my Reap what you sow.
I really do hate children after all.
She's just lying there, yet she's making me think of all these things.
By the way, what's your name?
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