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Distant and Silent Love
墨書 Inktalez
I was the unloved child in my family.
When my mother gave birth to me and Jiang Qinghuan, she faced severe complications and nearly lost her life on the operating table. After I was born, my sister was diagnosed with a congenital heart disease, while I emerged perfectly healthy. Just then, my father's business began to falter.
My mother attributed all of this to me, believing that I had absorbed too much nutrition in the womb, causing my sister's health issues and negatively impacting my father's fortune. She named my sister Jiang Qinghuan, a name that carried the unspoken joy of our family; while I was named Jiang Maiye, likened to an inconspicuous blade of wheat in a vast field. Everything about me was meant to make way for my sister.
Before I turned one, I was sent to the countryside to be cared for by my grandmother. My aunt resented having another mouth to feed and often scolded and hit me. My grandmother was elderly, and my uncle was a taciturn man, leaving me timid and insecure.
During the New Year, my mother rarely brought Jiang Qinghuan home. She wore a red dress and black shoes, looking like a noble little princess. I hid behind the door to watch. Jiang Qinghuan placed a handful of colorful candies in front of me and said, "You must be Mai Ye, my little sister. I'll take good care of you from now on."
I accepted them with trepidation. Just as I unwrapped a pink candy, it was snatched away by my aunt's son. Jiang Qinghuan tried to help me get it back, but before she could speak, she clutched her chest in pain.
My mother slapped me to the ground: "What did you do to Sister You?" There was no reason for her anger. My baby tooth fell to the ground as I spat out blood. My mother covered Jiang Qinghuan's eyes: "Don't look; you'll have nightmares tonight."
Jiang Qinghuan brushed away my mother's hand and handed me a tissue to wrap up my tiny tooth. "I'm sorry; Mom is just too worried about my health." This was the first time someone in my family apologized for my suffering.
I naturally developed a slight fondness for my sister. After returning home, Jiang Qinghuan asked our mother to send me her nearly new dress and backpack. I was delighted; finally, I wouldn't have to wear patched-up old clothes.
It wasn't until high school that my grandmother passed away and my parents brought me back home. I was timid and anxious, lacking proper manners—nothing like Jiang Qinghuan, who could confidently charm them with her grace. I couldn't smile brightly at Lu Yancheng like she did, radiating confidence and warmth.
Ding ding ding.
A sharp ringing sound jolted me awake from my dreams. It was Lu Yancheng calling.
His voice was hoarse and low, as if he hadn’t rested well. “Mai Ye, where did you put the royal blue diagonal striped tie you bought for me?”
I was about to respond when I noticed the barrage of comments:
“Oh my god, the male lead loves her so much! He’s holding the tie and asking where her things are!”
“He just wants an excuse to talk to her and coax her back home.”
I paused for a moment before replying, “I threw it away. You can buy a new one!”
After a long silence, he finally reacted. “Mai Ye, are you still angry?”
In response to his question, I sounded disinterested. “Lu Siqing doesn’t like eating buns from convenience stores. Can you come back...”
Before he could finish, I decisively cut him off. “No, I told you he’s very picky about food. You don’t believe me.”
“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to trouble you. But Lu Siqing is used to your cooking and can’t get used to outside food.”
“I suggest you hire a professional nutritionist. And if you can’t find anything in the future, don’t call me again.”
Lu Yancheng fell silent.
The comments were eager to defend him:
“Don’t be so heartless to the male lead! He searched the entire city for the hotel you’re staying at and couldn’t find you; he spent the whole night worrying.”
“He truly loves you and is afraid of betraying his promise to only love Jiang Qinghuan. Please don’t push him.”
But can love that isn’t felt truly be called love? Can one really watch someone they love suffer without doing anything?
Whether it was my mother’s hysteria or Lu Siqing’s unreasonable tantrums, Lu Yancheng always stood by, indifferent. I had never been loved completely. I didn’t know what love tasted like.
But I had seen how Lu Yancheng went out of his way to protect Jiang Qinghuan. When street thugs whistled at her, he stepped in to stop them, even going as far as hiring a lawyer and calling the police to ensure they faced consequences.
The difference was stark.
Not long after hanging up the phone, a kindergarten teacher reached out: “Lu Siqing’s mom, did you forget to prepare a lunchbox for your child today?”
Lu Siqing inherited Jiang Qinghuan’s weak constitution and has allergies to many foods. To help him with his meals, I got a nutritionist certification and prepared his meals myself every day.
But now, I replied indifferently:
"Teacher Shen, Lu Siqing is not my biological son. I divorced his father and I won't take care of him anymore."
The comments erupted in a flurry:
【Please, female lead, the kid can't just eat whatever from the cafeteria. Last time he ate a pastry with peanuts, he nearly didn't make it out of ICU.】
Lu Siqing must have been right next to Teacher Shen, as he angrily snatched the phone away:
"You ran away on purpose to provoke Dad into begging you back?"
Those words must have come from my mother.
But I had raised Lu Siqing for five years, enduring hardships and sleepless nights, forcing myself to care for him like a mother would. Even a stone would be moved by that.
Yet he was easily swayed by just a few words.
The comments saw an upset Lu Siqing and angrily criticized me:
【I'm a fan of looks; with that stunning face, I can forgive his rudeness, but I really dislike how cold and heartless the female lead is.】
【Tsk tsk, using a child as leverage is just pathetic! It's good that his real mother is still alive.】
Finally, someone spoke up for me:
【No! You supporters of the original wife keep saying the female lead took her sister's place, but why does no one mention that she never had a choice?】
【Exactly! After watching for so long, the female lead is timid and cowardly; returning to the Jiang family is like an ugly duckling returning to a swan's flock. She owes her sister a favor and couldn't bear to see her nephew mistreated by a wicked stepmother. Plus, with her vague feelings for the male lead, she married at an age when she wasn't thinking straight. But after five years, the father and son are still acting like this—it's enough to make even Buddha angry!】
For the first time, someone defended me in the comments.
For a long time, they had mocked me for having good luck despite my mediocre abilities and unlikable personality while becoming the female lead who reaped the rewards and rightfully became Mrs. Lu. They thought I should be grateful.
But throughout it all, no one asked if I wanted any of this.
Even someone as humble as me wants to take control of my own destiny!
I spoke softly:
"Lu Siqing, over the years, I've put you and your family before myself countless times, but no one has cherished that."
"From now on, I'll only consider myself. Don't call me anymore; I won't make you nutritious meals or take care of your daily needs."
"After all, in your heart, no matter how much I do, I'm not worth as much as anyone in your family."
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