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After the turmoil of the Flower Viewing Banquet, rumors about me and Gu Lan quietly spread throughout the capital. Some said we had already made a private vow to each other, while others claimed that the Gu Family and the Su Family were about to unite in marriage. Hearing these whispers filled me with a mix of shyness and an inexplicable sense of delight.
However, Gu Lan seemed completely oblivious to it all, treating me as he always had. This left the small spark of hope in my heart flickering uncertainly. What was he really thinking?
Days slipped by in this delicate atmosphere, and soon it was Gu Lan's birthday. Learning from last year's experience when my gift was met with disdain (though I later discovered it was a misunderstanding), I put extra thought into my present this year. I personally embroidered a sachet, choosing the finest silk, pouring my heart into every stitch. The spices inside were carefully selected from various shops, blended to create a calming fragrance, hoping it would help him find peace while handling his affairs.
On his birthday, I excitedly clutched the sachet and hurried to Gu Mansion early in the morning.
The mansion was festooned with decorations, more lively than usual. I made my way to Gu Lan's study but was stopped by his personal servant.
"Miss Su, the young master is inside discussing matters with the general and has instructed that no one is to disturb them," the servant said respectfully.
I was taken aback. Uncle Gu, or General Gu, was usually very stern and rarely summoned Gu Lan to the study unless it was something important.
"Is it something serious?" I couldn't help but ask.
The servant looked troubled. "I’m not sure. I only heard that the general seemed... rather grave."
A chill ran through me; my instincts told me it might not be good news. After hesitating for a moment, I decided to wait outside.
The door to the study remained closed, and I could faintly hear low voices inside, though I couldn't make out what they were saying. Leaning against a pillar in the corridor, I nervously clutched the sachet in my hands.
Time passed slowly as the sun climbed higher in the sky; my waiting became increasingly anxious. I could feel my palms growing slightly sweaty.
Finally, the door opened. General Gu stepped out with a serious expression. Upon seeing me, he merely nodded slightly before quickly walking away.
I immediately leaned in to peek inside; Gu Lan stood by the window with his back to me, tall and straight but emanating an indescribable sense of loneliness.
"Brother Lan?" I called softly.
He turned around, his face expressionless but his eyes seemed vacant, as if he hadn't fully returned from their earlier conversation.
"A Mian? What are you doing here?" His voice was somewhat hoarse.
"Today is your birthday... I came to give you a gift." I stepped forward and handed him the sachet that I had been holding tightly.
He looked down at the sachet in my hand, remaining silent for a moment without taking it.
"A Mian," he finally raised his head, looking at me with complex emotions in his eyes, "there are some things I need time to think through. You... should go back for now."
His tone was flat, even somewhat distant.
My heart sank suddenly as if something had gripped it tightly. "Brother Lan, what's wrong? Did something happen?"
He avoided my gaze and looked out the window. "It's nothing. I'm just a bit tired."
Nothing? Tired? This was clearly a dismissal! I could feel the coldness radiating from him, pushing me away.
"Is it because Uncle Gu came to see you? What did he say?" I pressed on, unwilling to let it go.
"A Mian!" He suddenly raised his voice, impatience lacing his tone. "I told you, it's nothing! Can you just stop asking?"
His sharp tone startled me, leaving me frozen in place. The incense pouch in my hand felt as heavy as lead, almost too hot to hold. After all these years, he had never spoken to me like this.
A wave of grievance and sadness washed over me, and my eyes instantly turned red.
"Alright... I won't ask anymore." I sniffed, trying hard to hold back my tears. "Since you're tired, I won't disturb you."
I gently placed the incense pouch on his desk and turned to leave. This time, I didn’t look back.
Behind me, there was no call for me to stop, no sound at all. Just a suffocating silence.
As I stepped out of Gu Mansion's gates, the afternoon sun stung my eyes. The tears I had been holding back finally fell.
What had happened? Why had he suddenly become so distant? Was it something Uncle Gu said, or did he simply not care about the gift I had carefully prepared? Did he not value my feelings at all?
The memory of him defending me at the Flower Viewing Banquet was still vivid in my mind; the thrill from the gossip seemed like it had happened just yesterday. But now, his icy demeanor felt like a bucket of cold water dousing me from head to toe.
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