Better to Have Loved 12: Diary on the Sickbed
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墨書 Inktalez
Xiao Cheng sat in the room where Shangguan Yunduo had lived for the entire afternoon. 0
 
The room was filled with warm sunlight. 0
 
Yet, his heart felt cold. 0
 
He sat there until deep into the night, finally opening Shangguan Yunduo's diary. 0
 
The diary detailed her life since she fell ill. 0
 
As Xiao Cheng read those words, it was as if he could see Shangguan Yunduo in pain. 0
 
His heart felt as if it were being sliced by a thousand sharp blades, aching to the point of almost being unable to breathe. 0
 
In the diary— 0
 
"Today marks one hundred days since I discovered I was sick." 0
 
"My symptoms are becoming more pronounced." 0
 
"At night, my stomach suddenly started to hurt, so much that I couldn't bear it; I curled up, and cold sweat soaked my clothes." 0
 
"I trembled all over, wrapping myself tightly in the blanket, but the pain showed no signs of easing." 0
 
 
"I desperately tell myself to hold on and not make a sound. 0
 
Because Acheng is right next to me, I can't let him worry. 0
 
The pain continued until dawn before it gradually eased. 0
 
I breathed a sigh of relief; fortunately, Acheng didn't notice. 0
 
If he knew, he would definitely feel guilty. 0
 
I don't want him to feel guilty." 0
 
--- 0
 
"Today, the doctor told me the diagnosis. 0
 
Stomach cancer. 0
 
I sit alone in the hospital corridor, watching the doctor's mouth move as he speaks. 0
 
His voice seems to come from a very distant place." 0
 
 
Around me, there are noisy voices. 0
 
But I feel as if I have been muted. 0
 
I can't hear anything. 0
 
Everything around seems very close, yet also very far away. 0
 
I look at the doctor and ask blankly, "How much longer do I have to live?" 0
 
The doctor, feeling a bit reluctant, sighs. 0
 
"Please get hospitalized as soon as possible. The earlier you start treatment, the greater the hope." 0
 
I shake my head. 0
 
I don't want to be hospitalized. 0
 
I don't like the smell of disinfectant. 0
 
I don't like lying on a hospital bed every day. 0
 
I don't like facing cold instruments alone. 0
 
 
But no one is standing by my side, holding my hand, and firmly saying to me: "Keep going, you can do it." 0
 
There is no one around me. 0
 
[2022-11-06] 0
 
Acheng, have you been busy with work lately? 0
 
I haven't seen him for several days. 0
 
I want to call him, but I'm afraid of disturbing his work. 0
 
Today, I went to the company to bring him lunch. 0
 
But as soon as I arrived at the company, I saw Yong Nan. 0
 
Yong Nan was wearing a red dress, dazzling and eye-catching. 0
 
She ate my lunch. 0
 
I looked at her, feeling a bit angry. 0
 
That was the lunch I prepared for Acheng. 0
 
 
She looked at me and smiled proudly. 0
 
She said, "Shangguan Yunduo, you are always so weak." 0
 
"What gives you the right to beat me?" 0
 
"You can't even keep your own husband." 0
 
I stared at her blankly. 0
 
She was right. 0
 
I was always too weak. 0
 
That's why Acheng must have fallen for her. 0
 
But I still forgave her. 0
 
I told her that if she liked to eat, I would bring her some tomorrow. 0
 
As long as she was happy, as long as Acheng was happy. 0
 
I went to see my mother again. 0
 
 
Mom is doing well. 0
 
She is living happily with her husband and their children. 0
 
I think I shouldn't tell them about my illness. 0
 
They are doing well, and I don't want to disturb them. 0
 
On my way home, I ran into Acheng. 0
 
And Yong Nan. 0
 
They had a small dog with them. 0
 
The puppy was very small and very cute. 0
 
It circled around me, constantly spinning. 0
 
I think it must like me. 0
 
I picked it up. 0
 
I want to adopt it. 0
 
 
 
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