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墨書 Inktalez
Xiao Cheng sat in the room where Shangguan Yunduo had lived for the entire afternoon.
The room was filled with warm sunlight.
Yet, his heart felt cold.
He sat there until deep into the night, finally opening Shangguan Yunduo's diary.
The diary detailed her life since she fell ill.
As Xiao Cheng read those words, it was as if he could see Shangguan Yunduo in pain.
His heart felt as if it were being sliced by a thousand sharp blades, aching to the point of almost being unable to breathe.
In the diary—
"Today marks one hundred days since I discovered I was sick."
"My symptoms are becoming more pronounced."
"At night, my stomach suddenly started to hurt, so much that I couldn't bear it; I curled up, and cold sweat soaked my clothes."
"I trembled all over, wrapping myself tightly in the blanket, but the pain showed no signs of easing."
"I desperately tell myself to hold on and not make a sound.
Because Acheng is right next to me, I can't let him worry.
The pain continued until dawn before it gradually eased.
I breathed a sigh of relief; fortunately, Acheng didn't notice.
If he knew, he would definitely feel guilty.
I don't want him to feel guilty."
---
"Today, the doctor told me the diagnosis.
Stomach cancer.
I sit alone in the hospital corridor, watching the doctor's mouth move as he speaks.
His voice seems to come from a very distant place."
Around me, there are noisy voices.
But I feel as if I have been muted.
I can't hear anything.
Everything around seems very close, yet also very far away.
I look at the doctor and ask blankly, "How much longer do I have to live?"
The doctor, feeling a bit reluctant, sighs.
"Please get hospitalized as soon as possible. The earlier you start treatment, the greater the hope."
I shake my head.
I don't want to be hospitalized.
I don't like the smell of disinfectant.
I don't like lying on a hospital bed every day.
I don't like facing cold instruments alone.
But no one is standing by my side, holding my hand, and firmly saying to me: "Keep going, you can do it."
There is no one around me.
[2022-11-06]
Acheng, have you been busy with work lately?
I haven't seen him for several days.
I want to call him, but I'm afraid of disturbing his work.
Today, I went to the company to bring him lunch.
But as soon as I arrived at the company, I saw Yong Nan.
Yong Nan was wearing a red dress, dazzling and eye-catching.
She ate my lunch.
I looked at her, feeling a bit angry.
That was the lunch I prepared for Acheng.
She looked at me and smiled proudly.
She said, "Shangguan Yunduo, you are always so weak."
"What gives you the right to beat me?"
"You can't even keep your own husband."
I stared at her blankly.
She was right.
I was always too weak.
That's why Acheng must have fallen for her.
But I still forgave her.
I told her that if she liked to eat, I would bring her some tomorrow.
As long as she was happy, as long as Acheng was happy.
I went to see my mother again.
Mom is doing well.
She is living happily with her husband and their children.
I think I shouldn't tell them about my illness.
They are doing well, and I don't want to disturb them.
On my way home, I ran into Acheng.
And Yong Nan.
They had a small dog with them.
The puppy was very small and very cute.
It circled around me, constantly spinning.
I think it must like me.
I picked it up.
I want to adopt it.
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