Better to Have Loved 13: Refusal of Treatment
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墨書 Inktalez
I brought the dog home. 0
 
I named it Pipi. 0
 
Pipi, Duo'er. 0
 
【2022-11-10】 0
 
Acheng has not come home for ten days. 0
 
He has never done this before. 0
 
In the past, he would come home at least once every three days. 0
 
But this time, he has been gone for ten days. 0
 
I don't know if it's because of work or because of Yong Nan. 0
 
I feel a bit sad inside. 0
 
But I didn't call to ask him. 0
 
I'm afraid of disturbing him. 0
 
At night, I lie in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. 0
 
I took out my phone and scrolled through my social media feed. 0
 
The first post was a photo of Yong Nan. 0
 
In the photo, she is wearing a sexy spaghetti strap dress, holding a wine glass. 0
 
Behind her is a lively party. 0
 
Standing next to her is Acheng. 0
 
Acheng looks at her with gentle eyes. 0
 
I think he must love her. 0
 
Looking at that photo, my heart aches. 0
 
My finger lingered on the photo. 0
 
I hesitated for a moment but ultimately hit the like button. 0
 
【2022-11-15】 0
 
 
Today, I took Pipi out to play. 0
 
While passing by the post station, I conveniently picked up a package. 0
 
I didn't wait for Acheng to come home. 0
 
I was afraid he would worry. 0
 
I carried Pipi upstairs by myself. 0
 
Pipi was very well-behaved and light. 0
 
However, I still felt very tired. 0
 
Recently, I have been getting tired easily. 0
 
Lying in bed, I quickly fell asleep. 0
 
When I woke up, it was already very late. 0
 
Acheng still hadn't returned. 0
 
I lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. 0
 
I started thinking about Acheng again. 0
 
I know I shouldn't feel this way. 0
 
Between us, there is a Yong Nan. 0
 
There is an insurmountable barrier between us. 0
 
But I just can't help but think of him. 0
 
[2022-11-20] 0
 
The doctor called me again. 0
 
He advised me to be hospitalized for treatment. 0
 
He said my condition could not be delayed any longer. 0
 
I refused. 0
 
I never intended to live to the late stage of stomach cancer. 0
 
 
It’s so painful. 0
 
The pain is slowly consuming me. 0
 
I don’t want Acheng to see me like this. 0
 
I want to leave this world before the pain knocks me down. 0
 
At least that way, I can retain some dignity. 0
 
At least in Acheng’s memory, I will always be beautiful. 0
 
【2022-11-30】 0
 
Today, Acheng came back. 0
 
He looked at me with a somewhat complicated expression. 0
 
He said, “Duo'er, you’ve lost weight.” 0
 
I touched my face. 0
 
I have indeed lost weight. 0
 
Recently, whenever I eat, I always end up vomiting. 0
 
The doctor said it’s a normal phenomenon. 0
 
I think Acheng must have noticed. 0
 
He noticed that I’ve lost weight. 0
 
But he didn’t ask anything. 0
 
Maybe he guessed something. 0
 
Maybe he doesn’t know at all. 0
 
I didn’t tell him. 0
 
I just smiled and said, “I haven’t had much of an appetite lately.” 0
 
Acheng didn’t say anything more. 0
 
At night, we lay in bed, each covered with our own blankets. 0
 
 
I turned my back to him, closed my eyes, and pretended to be asleep. 0
 
I heard the sound of him tossing and turning. 0
 
I knew he wasn't asleep either. 0
 
There was a distance between us. 0
 
This distance was short, yet long. 0
 
Short enough that we shared the same bed. 0
 
Long enough that we couldn't embrace. 0
 
Tonight, there was a banquet. 0
 
Acheng went. 0
 
I went too. 0
 
At the banquet, I saw Acheng. 0
 
And Yong Nan. 0
 
They stood together, a perfect match of talent and beauty. 0
 
A crowd surrounded them. 0
 
They laughed and talked, creating a lively atmosphere. 0
 
Meanwhile, I stood alone in the corner. 0
 
No one noticed me. 0
 
And no one came over to say a word to me. 0
 
I felt like a transparent person. 0
 
 
 
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  • Amy
  • Mary
  • John
  • Smith
  • Edward
Better to Have Loved

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  • Amy
  • Mary
  • John
  • Smith
  • Edward