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墨書 Inktalez
I have become someone I find ugly.
I am getting weaker and need Min Miao to help me go outside.
Min Miao pushes me out to bask in the sun, to see Pipi, and to look at the ocean.
Pipi has also grown a lot; it runs around me, jumps around me, and calls out to me.
It wants to kiss me, but I won’t allow it.
So it just circles around me, spinning continuously.
It might know that I am leaving soon.
Min Miao no longer asks me about my illness; she talks to me about the past, the present, and gossip.
She always makes me feel happy.
Until one day, she rummaged through a drawer and found our wedding rings.
“Yun Duo, you got married?!” she exclaimed in surprise.
“Yeah,” I replied lightly.
“Does your husband know?”
“He doesn’t know.”
“Why… why don’t you tell him?”
“…”
I fell silent.
Min Miao said softly, "If he knew, he would definitely be sad."
"He won't," I shook my head.
Min Miao didn't understand, "How can you hide something like this from him?"
"He..." I paused, "He doesn't want to know."
Min Miao was silent for a long time, "Then I'll advise him to go."
"No need, he's already someone else's."
"..." Min Miao didn't know what to say.
The two of us fell into an eerie silence.
"The sea breeze today is a bit refreshing," I broke the silence.
"Yeah," Min Miao nodded, "The sea breeze today is indeed quite pleasant."
The sea breeze was refreshing, but my heart felt heavy as iron.
I hid a knife, taking it out to look at when the pain became unbearable.
I had thought about suicide.
But every time I saw the sleeping Pipi, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I was getting thinner and thinner.
I can't stand the pain anymore; I can't eat.
I go out less and less.
Even lying down hurts.
Min Miao chats with me every day, sharing gossip from the town.
She said the neighbor's daughter broke up with her boyfriend, and in an attempt to win back his love, she attempted suicide by cutting her wrists. Now she's in the hospital fighting for her life.
Min Miao sighed, "So young, so beautiful; how could she think like that?"
I looked out the window.
The sunlight spilled onto the beach, and the waves rolled in one after another.
Pipi lay on the windowsill, sleeping with its eyes closed.
It slept soundly, its fluffy tail hanging down and swaying gently.
"I used to be just like her," I said to Min Miao, "because I loved too deeply, it turned into an obsession."
Min Miao looked at me in surprise, "How is that possible? You're such a gentle person."
I smiled slightly, "Because I'm gentle, you think I wouldn't do something crazy?"
"..." Min Miao didn't know what to say.
I said softly, "Please go talk to her for me."
"Huh?" Min Miao was taken aback, "What should I say?"
"Encourage her to let go a bit," I said. "She's still young and has the chance to start over."
"And what about you?" Min Miao blurted out.
I looked out the window.
"I have no chance left; I've reached the end."
29
I could barely hold on.
It hurt, so much that I couldn't eat anything.
The knife I hid in my room was picked up and put down several times.
I really wanted to live, but I didn't want to live in such pain.
I was getting thinner and thinner, reduced to skin and bones.
The pain kept me awake night after night, and the painkillers no longer worked.
Every minute felt like torture.
Min Miao came more frequently; she kept me company and chatted with me.
She said that the girl who committed suicide for love couldn't be saved and died.
"Only 22 years old; what a pity," Min Miao sighed. "She was quite pretty and did well in school."
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