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墨書 Inktalez
Recently, life has been relatively calm, and within the ordinary, I can still taste a hint of sweetness, a small but certain happiness. No longer saving lives, just being with "him," just my little home.
I have raised a pond of fish, colorful and dazzling Koi fish. They are very well-behaved, coming to me at the slightest gesture no matter how far away. Nothing makes me happier than this, especially the one named Xiao Zha, a beautiful crimson Koi fish, excessively beautiful. Although it is not very obedient, being beautiful is enough.
The needlework of the Great monk is becoming more and more refined. He has made countless blessing bags, how many? Countless, saying that he wants to pray for me, to atone... Ah, the unfrosted maple leaves are very beautiful. Everything in nature makes me feel comfortable, everything is extremely moving, and that's how I've been feeling lately.
"I'll only say this once: you need to think carefully, there won't be a third time. Will you take me with you now?" I am a fox who doesn't cry, because I am strong, and at the same time, I used to be a doctor. I don't know if there's any remedy for regret, and he lied to me again.
This is a temple, I won't let anyone take advantage of me, and he clearly knows that he wants me to stay. The first time for healing, the second time for prayer. I have a good mind, I trusted him so much. "I said, are you a fraud or a monk? Do you know I will hurt, do you know I am unhappy, do you know..." He said this is the last time, trembling, trying to hold my hand, he kept holding my hand to comfort me. "I know, Su-su hurts a lot, it's uncomfortable, this time it's really..." What do you know? I really hate him, you know and yet you let me suffer so much. "You don't know! You don't know anything!" So my last bit of power was gone.
From now on, I am truly a fox. The only thing that reminds me of my previous magical abilities is that I am a fox who can transform into a human. "I hate you, go away," so annoying. The constitution of humans is truly weak. I used to worry about this fragile life, and now I am the same. It's retribution. This person, this person still wants to help me. Who is he, what does he think he is? I am really annoyed.
"I told you to go away, don't you understand me? Can you stop following me? I am already a human! I don't have the elixir anymore! I don't have any magical powers! Don't follow me anymore! I really hate you, I don't want to see you again, never want to see you again!" Finally, in one breath, he let go. His eyes were full of tears, and he looked truly indescribably affectionate. I hate this person.
I now hate everything about him, it all disgusts me. He still follows me, insists on taking care of me, and says he's very sorry to me. Does he still need to tell me that? I don't want to see him. When I see him, I feel uncomfortable all over, and I feel uncomfortable about the long hair I've grown for him. I used to think it looked good on others, so he grew it, but now I don't find it beautiful at all. I used to love to eat flower cakes and fruits, all kinds of plum cakes, osmanthus cakes, and all kinds of seasonal fruits. He picked them for me, cooked for me, and didn't use a rolling pin, only bamboo. But after that, I couldn't eat any flower cakes or fruits anymore. They were all too sweet, all disgusting, all nauseating.
Just like him now, it really makes me uncomfortable, it's really nauseating all the time. It would be better if there were no one to save, it would be better if I could be a good fox spirit. The human body is very weak, I'm just barely surviving, but I'm very beautiful and young and impossible to grow old, that's the only advantage.
I wandered around freely, bringing many men with me. They all said they loved me, and I brought them back to the mountain, where they all died. I don't know why, but no one can survive on that mountain—except for him and me.
"Why are you like this now? Why didn't you treat the fox who believed in you well in the beginning?" I forced him to drink my blood, I forced him to sink with me, I forced him to accompany me in immortality. It's all his fault, I wasn't like this originally.
I hate him, and I hate myself even more. I often think about ending it all, and that's when he comes to stop me, calling out to me. "You don't deserve to be called by that name. Su-su is long gone because of you. You lied to her, and it's your fault she's gone." I feel numb, and I'm disgusted with living like this.
"Come down, Su-su, let's go home," he says. What "home"? He's talking nonsense. I don't have a home anymore! It's not okay, not okay at all. "I said I hate you, can't you just leave me alone... I don't want... I never want to see you again." I jump down. It's a deep abyss, and below is a cold pool. I will die.
But I didn't die. I was saved by Huanhuan who passed by. My powers have not recovered, but she shared a hundred years of her cultivation with me. I want revenge, I only want revenge, only revenge.
Dingji Temple.
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