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When Will Ming Yue Appear
墨書 Inktalez
We are separated, her new home is not very far from me, near the forest park where I often go to relax, just a fifteen-minute subway ride away. "Can I call you?" Mingyue. She should have arrived home already, I held my breath and heard the sound of her turning the key in the lock - "If there's anything," she seemed particularly cautious, " Shuang, it's too late today..." pause, "Do you remember, breakfast is at nine thirty tomorrow, right?"
What does it mean, caring about me? But she has given up on love.
"However, we are friends, right, Mingyue?" I hesitated, I didn't know why I hesitated, but I still threw out this seemingly declarative question. "Of course, why would you ask that? Of course, we are friends." Mingyue was stunned, then couldn't help but laugh. She really didn't lie, naturally didn't deceive me.
Nine-thirty, the experience of not being supervised by Mingyue was very novel to me. I sipped the just-delivered pumpkin congee, soft and sweet, and I thought this was the first time I had been so passive since I met Mingyue. On the desk, there were the art books about pop art that I collected, stacked into small mountains, and the new books that I bought but never read. I thought about my relationship with Mingyue. After we moved in together, we both had successful careers. Although Mingyue maintained the habit of putting me first in everything, I was getting farther and farther away from her, to the ends of the earth.
Do I not like Mingyue? She arranges everything I need in life, fills her leisure time with my daily life, sacrifices her freedom for my freshness, and I am used to it. Mingyue has always been like this. I might even lose contact for three days because she missed a call. I believe Mingyue will always come.
But when she asked for leave, covered in dust, and hugged me with a body full of dust, I couldn't help but cry. Mingyue. apologized to me, saying she was too slow. I fell asleep in the car and was taken back home. Indeed, it was only this time. After that, I traveled around the world without caring, circling around Mingyue., drawing concentric circles with her indulgence as the radius.
When Mingyue. tried to leave me, the first person she tried to convince was herself, and then our mutual friends. The friends were not worried that I would go crazy alone. They all felt sorry for Mingyue. and wanted to see if she was really so hurt that she wanted to give up on me. Everyone felt that I was just wasting Mingyue.'s heart and affection, and I didn't deserve to have real love. In everyone's eyes, this relationship only brought her harm and burden. So even though we were all friends, everyone unanimously advised to break up instead of staying together, especially advising me not to harm the good girl and advising Mingyue. not to hang herself on one tree.
But what is true love? I was born into a loving family, and my dad could give love equally to anyone in the world, except for my mom and me. Thanks to this "loving" family, I have been pondering various propositions about "love" since I was young. My mom would be hysterical, scolding and pinching me just because I didn't want to eat that small piece of carrot. But when I ended up in the emergency room due to severe food allergies, she went crazy, slapping herself and holding my hand, saying "baby, I'm sorry" in a choked voice, emphasizing that mom really loves you.
I think my mother didn't lie, but she clearly only said half of it. In fact, she loves and hates me. Loving me is her flesh and blood, but she hates me more as a burden, constantly reminding her of her childhood sweetheart's betrayal. Because of me, my mother is in unbearable pain, and she cannot accept ending things with my father through a divorce agreement no matter what.
In this painful struggle, dear mother fell into self-deception and denial, until she became mentally unstable and was taken away the next afternoon after hurting someone - I can't forget that soft twilight, the cheerful sunset casting a beautiful glow on the gray walls, the door opened, I forced a smile, looked up, and this "dad" brought back my "new mom".
The young mom, with a head of alluring big curls, bright red sweet lips, said I was the best baby in the world, she kissed me in front of dad, but quietly bit my ear and told me: don't compete with her. The end of the story was even more hasty than mom's resistance to the divorce agreement for her whole life. This young mom also couldn't keep my "philanthropic" dad, but she was happier than mom. She really didn't end up hating me, said sorry to me, and then dragged her luggage to a place far away that I didn't know.
I didn't see the next mom again, and I lost my supposed dad.
But I was joyful, in that home where only I lived, I secretly rejoiced in having a home without broken glass and porcelain. No quarrels, no noise, no mom and dad! In the circle of adults in the neighborhood, I was a well-behaved, sensible, and quiet child, but they didn't know how much effort it took for me to suppress the crazy joy. This is not normal, I knew at that time that I was not normal, I had to pretend to be normal, because everyone likes normal.
If Mingyue really leaves someone as despicable and abnormal as me, then it's truly "cause for celebration"!
But Mingyue just had to disappoint everyone, refuting each and every one of them, saying it's not as everyone thinks, because Shuang are especially good, deserving the best of everything, as long as she has it, and I want it. Friends probably have no words, all feeling that we are hopelessly entangled. But they are not Mingyue, and they don't understand me. When we met again, I was just sitting on a bench in the park, aimlessly breaking bread to feed the pigeons, like muscle memory of seasoning food and locking the door. She stood there, silent, and I instinctively let go, letting go of everything, and without thinking, rushed over—Mingyue hugged me tightly.
"I'm very sorry, I'm learning too slowly, making you wait for too long, Shuang."
It turns out that it's not just me who's in withdrawal.
Mingyue. Love me, also want to save me. As the night grows colder, the moonlight becomes faintly frosty, seeing you through the sound and color, it's like seeing... countless ideals.
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