The next day, I still went to school with dark circles under my eyes. Unlike before, I chatted and laughed as usual, just avoiding any mention of Shen Yulin. I thought that this cold war might be a way to cope with the complicated feelings I had for Shen Yulin. I really needed time to think and sort out my emotions. This cold war could be both a form of self-protection and an attempt to clarify what I truly wanted.
Shen Yulin seemed to have made the same choice, handling our relationship through this cold war. Perhaps it was his way of protecting himself while facing family, academic, or personal emotional issues. Maybe he was also filled with contradictions and insecurities, which led him to maintain distance.
This unspoken understanding between us seemed to affect Zhang Yun and Cheng Haifeng as well; they both seemed to sense something and dared not mention each other in front of us. But how long could we keep this up? A week? A month? A semester? Or even a year?
I felt lost and empty inside. I thought that after a week, he would be the first to back down, but that was just my assumption.
One day, half a month later, during class, I suddenly felt a warm stream flowing from my nose. Wiping it with my hand, I found it covered in blood. Zhang Yun was startled and quickly handed me a tissue while asking if I needed to go to the infirmary. She raised her hand to inform the teacher, saying, "Teacher, Fanxing has a nosebleed."
Seeing me like this, the physics teacher hurried over and instructed me to tilt my head back while applying cool water to my forehead, telling me to rest for a while and not move.
I tilted my head back and quietly watched the ceiling fan spin, feeling empty. After a moment, when I sensed that no more liquid was flowing down, I lowered my head.
"Are you okay now?" Zhang Yun asked with concern.
"I'm fine, don't worry." Just as I finished speaking, a note was passed to me. I handed it to Zhang Yun.
"It's for you," she nudged my hand. When I unfolded it, it read: Do you need to go to the infirmary? The handwriting was unmistakably Shen Yulin's.
I looked at Zhang Yun in confusion; wasn't this note from Cheng Haifeng?
Zhang Yun raised her eyebrows at me. I stared at the note quietly, unsure how to respond. Knowing that he was concerned about my nosebleed made me feel warm inside. Although I didn’t turn around to look at him, I could sense the worried and caring gaze behind me. While it felt somewhat awkward, his gesture eased my mood slightly.
I'm fine. I wrote on the note and sent it back.
After a while, another note came back. Unlike the previous one written by Shen Yulin, this one was from Cheng Haifeng but still addressed to me. He expressed great concern and mentioned that he almost stood up to rush over.
My heart warmed at his words as I replied: Thank you.
After class, unable to argue with Zhang Yun any longer, I decided to visit the infirmary. Doctor Liu looked at me with exasperation upon seeing yet another injury. After examining me for quite some time without finding any issues, he prescribed some herbal medicine for reducing heat in my body and advised me to drink more water and avoid spicy foods. I nodded repeatedly in agreement and left the infirmary with the medicine.
On my way back to class, I encountered Shen Yulin. He seemed thinner than before, leaning against a large tree with his gaze fixed on the playground. As I approached, I initially intended to act as if I hadn’t seen him; however, he seemed to sense my presence and turned to look at me. I stopped as a gentle breeze brushed past us.
"Xingxing," he called softly.
I remained silent, quietly waiting for his next words.
"Are you okay?"
"Mm."
"Let's go back to the classroom."
"Mm."
Simple exchanges, devoid of the sweetness from before. So be it, we walked side by side back to the classroom, and I felt content.
Upon returning to the classroom, we naturally separated and headed to our respective seats.
"What happened?" Zhang Yun asked me curiously.
"What's wrong?"
"You just went to the infirmary, and Shen Yulin followed you out. Did he go with you to the infirmary?"
I shook my head. "We ran into each other after leaving the infirmary."
"He still cares about you; it's just that with things like this now, he can't bring himself to show it." I believed what Zhang Yun said.
"So what? We can't go back to how things were. Even if we could, there are already cracks in our feelings." I sighed.
"Seeing you two like this makes me not want to talk about it anymore; it's so exhausting." Zhang Yun lamented as she rested her head on the desk.
Indeed, first love is always the most troublesome.
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