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墨書 Inktalez
I received a call from Mom and bought a ticket for the same day to rush back home.
At the hospital, seeing Mom's haggard appearance and her calloused hands made my heart ache.
"Mom, why didn't you tell me earlier?"
Mom smiled faintly, "What’s there to be afraid of? We all have to get sick eventually."
"Besides, I'm afraid I might not have another chance to see you..."
I lowered my head, feeling a lump in my throat. "How could there be no chance?"
"I'm only going away for half a year. It's not like I'm not coming back."
Mom sighed, "Who can say for sure?"
"If you don't come back for a year, I wouldn't be surprised."
I wiped my tears. "Mom, let's go to a bigger hospital."
Mom shook her head. "No need for that, why spend the money?"
"I'm over sixty; I can't handle this anymore."
I comforted her, "It's okay, I have money. I'll take you."
When it came time to transfer hospitals, Dad was adamantly against it.
"Where are you going? Spending so much money, and in the end, she still won't make it?"
I replied coldly, "Is it your money?"
Dad glared at me. "You have money; you're paying for it, so of course you’re not worried."
I stared back at him. "Isn't your money my money? Why can't I spend it?"
Dad was taken aback.
I turned and walked away.
In the hospital, I ran around taking care of paperwork for Mom.
After a long time, I returned to the ward only to find Mom sitting on the bed wiping her tears.
I walked over and asked, "Mom, what's wrong?"
She took my hand and said, "Xiao Ran, let’s go home. I suddenly feel much better these past couple of days; it should be fine now."
"Staying here costs a lot of money every day."
"If you don’t have anything else to do, just go back to work."
I looked at her and said, "Mom, if it were my brother who was sick, would you still think this way?"
Mom's expression changed: "What do you mean by that?"
I replied calmly, "If I were my brother, you would have already transferred him to another hospital, even if it meant borrowing from all our relatives; you wouldn’t give up on treating him."
Mom got angry: "What kind of talk is that?"
I stared at her. "Mom, do you know why I don't get married?"
Mom didn't dare to look at me.
I smiled. "Because you favor boys over girls."
"Because you think I'm not as good as my brother."
"Because you think that if I get married, I'll belong to someone else's family."
"Because you think I can't help you."
"Because you think the money I earn isn't as valuable as the 100 yuan my brother gives you."
Mom lowered her head and said softly, "I... I didn't..."
I sighed. "Mom, do you know? Before I came here, I hadn't had a decent meal in many years."
"When I was working, I ate instant noodles every day because I didn't have time to cook."
"When I got off work, I ate at a small restaurant near the office because cooking at home was too troublesome; eating alone wasn't worth it."
"Before I came here, I had forgotten what meat tasted like."
Mom raised her head, her eyes red. "Why... why didn't you say it earlier?"
I smiled. "If I said it, would you listen?"
"Would you care about me?"
"You wouldn't; your eyes only see my brother and Dad."
"Mom, do you know why I'm in my thirties and have never been in a relationship?"
"Because I'm afraid; because I feel unworthy."
"I work so hard but still don't earn much; I work so hard but still don't get your recognition."
"I try so hard and still don't receive your love, so how can I talk about dating?"
"I work so hard and still don't get your approval, so what value do I have?"
Mom cried. "Xiao Ran, I'm... I'm sorry..."
I shook my head. "You haven't wronged me; you just don't love me."
"You not loving me doesn't make me blame you."
"After all..."
"Love is something we can't fight for."
Mom cried.
I remained calm.
Over the years, I've cried too many times.
I can no longer cry.
On the third day of Mom's hospitalization, my brother came with his child.
When he saw me, his expression was not good.
"You’re back?"
I nodded.
He stared at me, "What are you back for?"
I looked at him, "What I come back for is none of your business."
My brother got angry, "This is my home. I can come and go as I please."
I nodded, "This is also my home. I can come and go as I please too."
My brother fell silent.
He stared at me for a long time and coldly said, "I heard you transferred the house to yourself?"
I replied indifferently, "So what if I did? And so what if I didn't?"
My brother gritted his teeth, "You’re using Mom and Dad's money to buy a house for yourself. You really have some nerve."
I stared at him, "I’m using Mom and Dad's money?"
"I’m using their money to buy them a car, buy them a house, and take care of them."
"And you? What have you bought for Mom and Dad with their money?"
My brother got furious, "It’s only right for me to use Mom and Dad's money. Who do you think you are to use it?"
I nodded, "Yes, you're right."
"Then I shouldn’t have bought this house; I should have given it to Mom and Dad so they could give it to you, right?"
My brother fell silent again.
He glared at me fiercely and took the child away.
As the child reached the door of the hospital room, he suddenly turned around and made a face at me.
I smiled.
This is my family.
...
On the tenth day of Mom's hospitalization, I received a call from the company.
"Xia Ran, when are you coming back?"
"I took a month off."
"You need to come back as soon as possible; there’s a project here that needs your attention."
I hesitated for a moment, "Can someone else handle it?"
The boss was displeased, "Xia Ran, just because the company approved your leave doesn’t mean you can disregard the company."
"This company will keep running even without you!"
I replied calmly, "President Liu, when did I resign?"
The leader was taken aback: "On the 3rd of next month."
I smiled, "So that means I still have over a month?"
"Why are you in such a hurry?"
The leader hung up the phone.
I sighed.
I would have to look for a job again.
...
On the fifteenth day of my mother's hospitalization, her condition worsened.
The doctor called me outside and spoke a lot of medical jargon.
I felt dizzy from it all.
Finally, I waved my hand, "Just tell me directly, how long does my mom have left?"
The doctor shook his head, "It's hard to say; it could be as quick as a month or as slow as three months."
I nodded, "Okay, thank you."
Returning to the ward, seeing my mother lying on the bed peacefully asleep made my nose tingle.
I walked out of the ward and into the hallway, lighting a cigarette.
Actually, I had never smoked before, but ever since I had that argument with Mengxi, I started.
I really dislike the smell of smoke; my throat feels terrible after smoking.
But I couldn't help it; I was in too much pain.
Only when I smoked did I feel like the pain eased a little.
After finishing three cigarettes, I walked back into the ward.
As soon as I pushed open the door, I heard my mother speaking.
"Please stop trying to persuade me; I don't want treatment anymore."
"I've lived for over sixty years; I've had enough."
"Continuing treatment is just a waste of money."
A few nurses exchanged glances, sighed, and left.
I walked to my mother's side and held her hand: "Mom, how can you say such things?"
Seeing me, my mother’s eyes turned red: "Xiao Ran, you've lost weight."
I smiled slightly: "It's okay; I'm just on a diet."
Mom stared at me. "Haven't you been sleeping at all?"
I shook my head. "I slept, and I slept really well."
Mom fell silent.
I smiled at her. "Mom, believe me, I can gather the medical fees."
"Just focus on getting better."
Mom shook her head. "Xiao Ran, let me ask you something."
"If it were you who were sick, would you seek treatment?"
I was taken aback.
I looked at her. "Mom, what do you mean?"
Mom sighed. "If you were the one with this illness, would you still spend so much money on treatment?"
I fell silent.
Would I?
I probably wouldn't.
I have no money, and no one to help me pay.
If I sought treatment, I would only burden others.
I wouldn't go through with it.
But I didn't want to say that.
I smiled at Mom. "I will get treated."
"Even if I have to sell everything I own, I will seek treatment."
"After all..."
"I don't want to die."
Mom cried. "Xiao Ran, I'm so sorry..."
I shook my head. "Mom, you haven't done anything wrong."
"After all..."
"I'm not worthy."
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