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Since that day, I have been bedridden. The doctor once suggested surgery, but I refused. However, Gu Zhongming insisted on the operation. I laughed and said, "You don't even have the right to sign my critical condition notice; how can you perform surgery on me?" Gu Zhongming was taken aback.
"Gu Zhongming, if you want to operate on me, you might as well find a more attractive doctor. That way, at least I can die with a pleasing view." Gu Zhongming cried again. But I was no longer moved. I no longer allowed Gu Zhongming to enter my room. Even when Nurse Xiao Guo tried to persuade me, I remained indifferent.
I said, "Xiao Guo, this is the only thing I can hold on to. I hope that in the final stage of my life, I can be more true to myself." Nurse Xiao Guo stopped talking. Since Gu Zhongming couldn't come in, he sent me flowers every day. My favorite was white roses, so he ordered a large quantity of them daily. Unfortunately, while white roses are beautiful, they have no fragrance—just like Hua Ling.
One night, I was suddenly awakened. It was because Gu Zhongming's shadow fell over me. He quickly withdrew his hand and said, "I'm sorry, Nuan Nuan, I... I just wanted to see you..." I closed my eyes. "Nuan Nuan, I'm still your husband; you can't be this cruel to me..."
"Nuannuan, I'm begging you, let me take care of you..."
"Nuannuan, I really know I was wrong..."
I don't want to hear him talk because I'm too tired.
He comes every night, saying the same things over and over.
I've grown weary of it.
Arguing with him is exhausting; I'd rather cherish my sleep.
After all, my time is running out.
I won't live much longer.
But still, I'm so very tired.
I can't bear to sleep because each time I do, there's a chance I might never wake up again.
Gu Zhongming says he regrets it.
I can see that he truly does regret it.
But what good is regret?
He has never been a devoted person; he's just a weak man who is indecisive.
He doesn't dare to take responsibility, so he keeps running away time and again.
He doesn't dare to look forward, so he can only reminisce about the past repeatedly.
Yet, all he remembers are the happy moments; he has forgotten the pain of the past.
He forgets how much he made me suffer, how many times he made me cry, and how many years he hurt me.
He has forgotten everything; he remembers only that he once loved me.
But what does that matter now?
It's all too late.
With each passing day, my waking hours grow fewer and fewer.
I no longer refuse Gu Zhongming's visits to my hospital room, but I have not exchanged any glances with him since. Nurse Xiao Guo always secretly wipes away her tears when she gives me injections. I feel very sorry.
Nurse Xiao Guo said, "Nuan Nuan, this is the last time I will give you an injection."
"Why?"
"Because next time, you will have a different doctor."
I laughed.
"Xiao Guo," I said, "let me give you a gift."
"What gift?"
"After I die, I will tell you about this gift."
Xiao Guo was taken aback.
"Xiao Guo, I'm really sorry. You've been with me all this time, and I can't give you anything in return."
"Nuan Nuan, please don't say that..."
"Xiao Guo, my time is running out," I said. "I hope you can be happy."
Xiao Guo cried.
My stomach hurt more and more, and my legs grew weaker.
Every day, I hoped that sunlight could shine in, even if just a little bit.
Gu Zhongming helped me clean my body every day.
"Gu Zhongming, you don't have to come every day."
Gu Zhongming remained silent, just bowing his head and repeatedly wiping my body.
I looked at Gu Zhongming and noticed that he had also lost a lot of weight.
"Gu Zhongming," I said, "you've become ugly."
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