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墨書 Inktalez
Han Zhicheng stood on the balcony, watching the familiar figure approach, holding his favorite chocolate. In the past, he would have happily rushed down to greet his beloved, but now he could only remain on the balcony, watching the tender scene below.
Lee Minghao was returning while holding Kim Seungmin's hand, a sight that pierced Han Zhicheng's heart.
This means that Han Zhicheng also knows.
Today is Lee Minghao's birthday, a significant day for both Lee Minghao and Kim Seungmin.
Han Zhicheng once felt secretly dissatisfied that in Kim Seungmin's date-recording software, the label "Brother's Birthday" was pinned at the top, while he could only settle for second place.
At that time, Kim Seungmin comforted him by saying it was just because he was the brother.
What about now?
Han Zhicheng looked at Lee Minghao kissing Kim Seungmin's profile, pinching the other's cheek, smiling happily, as if he had suddenly fallen from heaven to hell.
"Ha..."
Han Zhicheng let out a self-deprecating laugh. The confidence he once had was shattered when Kim Seungmin leaned into Lee Minghao's embrace.
Kim Seungmin chose Lee Minghao.
Han Zhicheng did not want to admit it; his nose began to feel sour, and his eyes blinked rapidly as he tried to hold back his tears. Fortunately, by the time the people downstairs parted ways, he had managed not to let any tears fall.
"Han Zhicheng, Kim Seungmin is looking for you."
Han Zhicheng leaned against the balcony, gazing at the darkening sky with a vacant expression. His thoughts were pulled back by his roommate's sudden voice, his mind instinctively catching the key words.
Kim Seungmin.
Han Zhicheng almost instinctively turned around and headed for the door, but when he saw Kim Seungmin standing outside with a chocolate in hand, his steps slowed down.
Kim Seungmin's left hand still wore the bracelet he had given him, with all the charms personally selected and strung together by Han Zhicheng. However, just a moment ago, Kim Seungmin's hand, adorned with the bracelet, had been held by Lee Minghao as they returned.
Han Zhicheng stopped less than half a meter away from Kim Seungmin. If it were any other time, he would have rushed over to embrace him.
However, today is different. Han Zhicheng lost his identity and no longer has a reason.
"Zhicheng... this is for you."
Kim Seungmin looked at Han Zhicheng's ambiguous gaze, feeling a tremor in his heart. He avoided the other's eyes and handed over the chocolate he was holding.
Han Zhicheng did not take it. Just a few hours later, that box of chocolate had spoiled in his eyes.
Originally, Han Zhicheng wanted to create an opportunity to meet Kim Seungmin through chocolate, while also checking if Kim remembered his preferences. Now, this box of chocolate seemed to be the last bit of tenderness Kim Seungmin had for him, and accepting it meant facing the relationship between Kim Seungmin and Lee Minghao.
Kim Seungmin's hand remained still, holding out the gift, his gaze fixed on Han Zhicheng's white shirt. This was the same shirt Han Zhicheng wore when he confessed his feelings to him.
Time flies; in just over a year, everything has changed dramatically.
Han Zhicheng couldn't bear to let Kim Seungmin hold it any longer. He took the chocolate, glanced at him, placed it in the cabinet, walked outside, closed the door, and held Kim Seungmin's hand.
Kim Seungmin followed Han Zhicheng to the Heart Lake, the place they had visited on the day they reunited. It was the same location, but their feelings were vastly different.
"Thank you."
As Kim Seungmin was still pondering how to speak to Han Zhicheng, a sudden remark from Han Zhicheng made his heart skip a beat, and he looked at him in confusion.
"Thank you for bringing me chocolate."
Han Zhicheng said this with a smile, but only he knows the true meaning behind it.
Kim Seungmin felt extremely uncomfortable listening to this; it was not Han Zhicheng's true intention.
Han Zhicheng should be angry, should question him, should have emotions, at least not be as calm as he is now.
But Kim Seungmin thought again, isn't this actually good?
"You're together with him, right?"
Han Zhicheng thought for a moment and decided to give himself a resolution. As Kim Seungmin shifted his gaze away from him, he slowly spoke up.
Kim Seungmin's hand trembled slightly as it was held by Han Zhicheng, but the hand that usually comforted him remained unresponsive today. Along with Han Zhicheng's face in the night, it gradually grew colder.
"Um..."
Kim Seungmin nodded, but his feelings became complicated. Perhaps he should be grateful that Han Zhicheng asked this question, which alleviated his guilt, but why did hearing those words make him feel even worse?
Han Zhicheng smiled at the words, turned to look at Kim Seungmin, and withdrew his hand after holding the other’s. Looking at the boy he had always liked, he ignored the pain in his heart and offered his blessing.
"It's fine..."
Originally thought that blessing was just a simple phrase, but after Han Zhicheng spoke, I found that I couldn't say "I wish you happiness," and I couldn't even selfishly say "I wish you happiness."
But this is Kim Seungmin's decision, and Han Zhicheng chooses to respect it.
Kim Seungmin's gaze fell on the calm surface of the school heart lake. Without turning back, his eyes began to sting. For some reason, Han Zhicheng's words struck right at his heart, but he could only let the wind blow over him, stirring the ripples on the water, dissipating and drowning all his pain.
"Tomorrow morning, I won't wait for you anymore, hmm..."
Han Zhicheng looked at Kim Seungmin's profile, smiling as he tucked the stray hair blown by the wind back into place, and gave his head one last gentle pat.
It's okay if you can't turn around to look at me, it can make me miss you a little less.
"Be happy, goodbye."
Han Zhicheng felt that the wind today was really strong, causing his eyes to hurt and tears to almost spill out. He couldn't take it any longer. He ran away from there, fearing that if he looked back even once, the evening breeze would force him to shed tears.
Kim Seungmin did not turn back; a tear fell from the corner of his eye, yet Han Zhicheng still said goodbye to him.
"Seungmin Ah, let's not say goodbye between us."
"Why?"
"Because we are together every day, goodbye is something said to those who need to part."
Han Zhicheng cupped Kim Seungmin's face in the glow of the setting sun, his eyes shining as he looked at him, cutting off the words of farewell.
At that time, the sun in Italy always set early, and Han Zhicheng did not want to say goodbye to Kim Seungmin, even if it was just a room apart, especially after transferring schools.
This time, it was Han Zhicheng who said "goodbye" first and took the initiative to leave.
When Lee Minghao saw Kim Seungmin walk out, he first noticed the heavy bags under Kim Seungmin's eyes and frowned slightly. However, since the person he found bothersome did not appear, he let out a sigh of relief, thinking that Kim Seungmin must have already informed him.
Kim Seungmin walked out of the dormitory in a daze and bumped into someone around the corner. He instinctively wanted to look up and apologize, but then he saw Lee Minghao's smiling eyes.
"Brother, what are you doing here?"
Lee Minghao looked at Kim Seungmin, his eyes suddenly widening like a startled puppy, so adorable that the smile on his lips deepened unconsciously.
"Come and pick up the puppy. What's wrong? We've only been together for a day, and you're already tired of me?"
Listening to Lee Minghao's teasing words, Kim Seungmin felt a few blushes rise on his face. He stumbled over his explanation, but inside, he suddenly felt a heaviness that made his voice drop. Unsure of who he was confirming with, he repeated himself twice.
"No... no..."
Lee Minghao seems to adapt to the change in identity faster than Kim Seungmin. This fact leaves Kim Seungmin feeling bewildered, especially when he realizes that Lee Minghao truly likes him. Nevertheless, he chooses to accept it.
"Alright, let's have breakfast together."
Lee Minghao thought that Kim Seungmin was feeling shy, so he reached out and gently patted the other's head, his tone softening.
Kim Seungmin stiffened for a moment, forcing a smile as he nodded.
As Lee Minghao held Kim Seungmin's left hand, he noticed that the bracelet that had been there yesterday was now missing from his wrist, causing him to squint slightly.
The heavy bags under his eyes and the suddenly absent bracelet subtly pointed in a certain direction.
Lee Minghao looked at Kim Seungmin but ultimately didn't ask anything. He held his hand and walked together toward the cafeteria.
At least they were a couple together now.
Lee Minghao still feels a wave of anxiety when he thinks back to yesterday. It was the first time he was afraid of being rejected, especially with Kim Seungmin sitting across from him.
If the Lee Minghao of eighteen years ago could see him now, he would definitely laugh at himself for feeling nervous because of Kim Seungmin.
But there is a saying that goes well: love makes people cautious.
Kim Seungmin remained silent for a long time, his gaze fixed on the table. Just when Lee Minghao thought Kim Seungmin would not agree, he lifted his head, nodded slightly, and softly said yes. The beating of his heart seemed to suddenly come alive, each thump proving that this was all real.
Lee Minghao had held Kim Seungmin's hand many times, but never like yesterday, with a fluttering heart and cautiousness, gently curling his pinky around the other’s, gradually claiming the warmth of his palm.
Both his nineteenth and twentieth birthday wishes had come true.
So when Kim Seungmin suggested buying chocolate, Lee Minghao didn't find it strange at all and even wanted to pay for it, but he gave up under the persistent insistence of the puppy.
Kim Seungmin's pouting face while holding the chocolate is so cute, and the way he obediently holds hands and walks with him is adorable. His dazed expression when suddenly called by name is also incredibly cute.
Lee Minghao felt that he had been so oblivious in the past, realizing only now how adorable Kim Seungmin was.
Kim Seungmin watched Lee Minghao as he bought breakfast for him, still feeling that everything seemed unreal.
Kim Seungmin and Lee Minghao are together. This statement seems like it would only appear in Kim Seungmin's dreams, yet now it is laid out before him in broad daylight.
However, Kim Seungmin is not as ecstatic as he had imagined; perhaps the sudden change in identity is too overwhelming for him to process.
Kim Seungmin thought it was his own problem.
Yesterday's confession was an unexpected surprise for Kim Seungmin, but one he had anticipated.
Lee Minghao's attitude towards him was always ambiguous; he could never find a steady grip, constantly adding and removing weights on the scale between like and dislike in search of balance. But yesterday, Lee Minghao piled all the weights on the side of liking, causing the scale to tip completely. Kim Seungmin only needed to choose whether to accept or reject it.
"I like you. Would you be willing to be with me?"
At this moment, thinking back, Kim Seungmin would still feel a pang in his heart.
What he once hoped for has now become a reality.
If it were his passionate sixteen-year-old self, he would have nodded without hesitation, but the nineteen-year-old him instinctively lowered his head.
He understood what this meant.
He needed an answer to clarify his feelings.
Kim Seungmin seemed to never want to make Lee Minghao sad, nor did he want him to wait for even a few extra seconds. So, even if it was just a few minutes of hesitation, feeling the prolonged gaze from across the table, he pressed his lips together, lifted his head, and made a decision.
Then let's be together and not leave any regrets.
Kim Seungmin thought this as he leaned on the shoulder of Lee Minghao, who was holding him tightly, a shoulder he had long hoped for.
"Brother Minghao, all your wishes will come true!"
When they were young, every time Lee Minghao had a birthday, Kim Seungmin would always say this after he made a wish.
"Of course!" Lee Minghao responded proudly, unable to hide his smile.
Kim Seungmin looked at Lee Minghao, who had bought breakfast, and walked over step by step, smiling with tears welling up in his eyes.
"Brother Minghao, your wish has come true, especially if it is related to me."
Han Zhicheng lay in the last row of the classroom, but his gaze couldn't help but drift towards Kim Seungmin in the front row.
Even after saying goodbye, Han Zhicheng still instinctively looked for Kim Seungmin's figure.
Kim Seungmin took off the bracelet, and when Han Zhicheng saw it, his eyes almost turned red, feeling a bit overly sentimental. They had become like strangers; Kim Seungmin was now Lee Minghao's boyfriend.
The morning after saying goodbye to Kim Seungmin, Han Zhicheng stood in front of Kim Seungmin's dorm for a long time before finally turning around and leaving.
It will be fine as you gradually get used to it, just like how he managed to live well alone in Italy after their separation a year ago.
It's just a matter of time; everything will pass. Whenever Han Zhicheng catches a glimpse of Kim Seungmin and feels sad, he constantly reassures himself like this.
It's just a first love.
Han Zhicheng laughed at himself, unable to compare to over ten years of love. Although he never believed in the cliché that time determines feelings.
But this time, Han Zhicheng could only accept it.
When Han Zhicheng wanted to look away, he locked eyes with Kim Seungmin, and for a moment, he was stunned.
Kim Seungmin looked at Han Zhicheng until Han Zhicheng finally reacted and lowered his head.
After lowering his head, Han Zhicheng felt a bit unwilling and cautiously lifted his head again. The people in the front row had already turned back.
Han Zhicheng's gaze dimmed, and he couldn't quite describe what he was feeling as he leaned into the crook of his arm, one hand pressed against his heart.
Kim Seungmin took advantage of the moment while on stage to sneak a glance at the last row. The boy wearing a baseball cap had his head down, making it impossible to see his eyes.
Those bright, shining eyes, Kim Seungmin wished to see them once more.
Just now, at the moment they locked eyes, Han Zhicheng's gaze was dull, and he looked much more haggard. Kim Seungmin didn't know why he turned back; it was just an instinctive reaction. Until their eyes met, his heart felt a jolt, and he forgot to look away.
Han Zhicheng immediately lowered his head, while Kim Seungmin was momentarily stunned before turning back, his thoughts drifting away.
When Kim Seungmin sent the materials to the last person, Han Zhicheng, the classroom and hallway became noisy, filled with chaotic footsteps and conversations; class was over.
They seemed to have detached themselves from the world, creating their own barrier. In the moment when Kim Seungmin reached out his hand and Han Zhicheng looked up, time appeared to stand still.
As he got closer, Kim Seungmin noticed that Han Zhicheng had lost weight; in just two months, the flesh on his cheeks had almost disappeared.
Kim Seungmin used to unexpectedly poke Han Zhicheng's cheek, and when the latter looked at him with his round eyes, he would smile contentedly. Han Zhicheng was really adorable like this.
After Han Zhicheng realized that Kim Seungmin liked him, whenever they had a little quarrel, he would grab Kim Seungmin's hand and poke his own face to cheer him up and prevent him from getting angry.
The air was unnaturally still, with only their breaths filling the silence.
Just as Kim Seungmin was about to speak, he was interrupted by a sound from the back door.
"Xiao Min......"
Han Zhicheng followed Kim Seungmin's gaze and saw Lee Minghao standing at the door.
Kim Seungmin's hand was originally holding the documents, but in the next moment after seeing Lee Minghao, they were snatched away, causing him to turn his head in panic.
Han Zhicheng wrapped the documents in his palm and walked straight past Kim Seungmin, leaving the classroom.
Kim Seungmin watched as Han Zhicheng's figure disappeared at the door. Still in a daze, he was enveloped by a warm embrace, his chin resting on the other person's shoulder, feeling a warm kiss near his ear.
"Xiao Min, I've come to pick you up."
Lee Minghao wanted to come over and wait for Kim Seungmin, thinking he would meet Han Zhicheng, but he didn't expect it to be under such circumstances.
In the past, Lee Minghao would have gone straight in, grabbed Kim Seungmin's hand, and teased him a bit before leaving.
Now, Lee Minghao is not just Kim Seungmin's brother; he is also Kim Seungmin's boyfriend. He feels confident, but he needs to be more cautious.
When Han Zhicheng's gaze turned towards him, Lee Minghao expected to see loneliness and defeat, but instead, he was met with unexpected calmness. Even as he left, he didn't glance at him once.
Instead, the flicker in Kim Seungmin's eyes and his following gaze made Lee Minghao feel uneasy.
Lee Minghao resolved this issue in a way he once despised, just as he had done over the past month: by remaining silent and not asking about it.
Hearing Lee Minghao's voice, Kim Seungmin closed his eyes, and tears fell.
"Why don't you ask me, brother?" This was unlike Lee Minghao's usual style.
Lee Minghao was retreating, and Kim Seungmin sensed it. It was as if something was shackling Lee Minghao, binding him and making him feel unlike himself.
Why was Lee Minghao compromising himself? Kim Seungmin thought as he watched the figure of the other gradually fade away after their date two weeks ago.
He is Lee Minghao, the brother whom Kim Seungmin has pursued for over a decade, the one who will always have the right to forgiveness.
Kim Seungmin once thought he understood Lee Minghao well enough, but as he leaned on his shoulder and noticed the two new piercings on his ear, he slowly averted his gaze. How could he have not noticed this for over a year?
Lee Minghao seemed to have forgotten that Kim Seungmin didn't like sweets, or perhaps he remembered but chose not to ask him about it anymore.
Kim Seungmin recalled the box of chocolates locked away in the cabinet, realizing that someone as clever as Lee Minghao could also act foolishly because of him one day.
"What are you asking?"
Lee Minghao's body stiffened slightly, and he unconsciously tightened his hold on Kim Seungmin, pretending to be calm as he spoke.
"Brother, why do you have to do this because of me? This is clearly not Lee Minghao's character..."
Kim Seungmin's tears streamed down, hitting the ground, and his voice, filled with sobs, pierced through to Lee Minghao.
"Xiao Min..."
Lee Minghao cupped Kim Seungmin's face, frantically wiping away his tears, which seemed to flow endlessly, burning his fingers and reaching straight to his heart.
Kim Seungmin's eyes were filled with tears, and Lee Minghao looked at him with a gentle, pained expression, reminiscent of when he had fallen in middle school and treated his own wounds. Back then, Kim Seungmin wanted to steal a few more glances at Lee Minghao, feeling his heart flutter and forgetting the pain in his leg. But now, it seemed that only the pain remained.
"Lee Minghao was never a coward..."
Kim Seungmin brushed aside Lee Minghao's hand, wiped his tears dry, and stared directly at the dazed Lee Minghao.
Lee Minghao paused for a moment, withdrew his hand to let it hang by his side, and for the first time, actively avoided Kim Seungmin's gaze.
"What a coward," Lee Minghao joked to himself.
How could Lee Minghao not notice Kim Seungmin's unusual behavior? Whenever they were together, there was always a hint of sadness in Kim Seungmin's eyes. Although he agreed to everything Lee Minghao said, his smile seemed particularly forced.
He tried hard to avoid thinking negatively; Kim Seungmin needed to adapt, it just hadn't clicked yet, it wasn't that they were incompatible.
"Lee Minghao, I don't like you anymore."
It was only when Kim Seungmin calmly said those words that Lee Minghao realized he had forgotten to consider one thing.
That was the fact that Kim Seungmin might not like him anymore. All of his assumptions had been overturned.
In contrast, Kim Seungmin felt much more at ease, a slight smile on his lips as he sorted through all his emotions.
"I used to always chase after my brother. Even if he didn't like me and only saw me as a younger brother, I didn't know how to give up. I always thought, what if? What if Lee Minghao liked me? Looking back now, I realize I was quite foolish. But..."
I didn't expect Lee Minghao to really like me.
Kim Seungmin didn't say the rest of that sentence, struggling to hold back the tears that were welling up, sniffing back his emotions.
"I used to always wonder if I was the only one who would become cautious and timid when liking someone, but I didn't expect that my brother would too..."
Kim Seungmin couldn't help but laugh at this point, looking at the downcast Lee Minghao. He took a deep breath and embraced him.
"But I don't want let you not comfortable, and I don't want the reason for your discomfort to be me. I don't regret liking you, and I appreciate your confession. So...."
"Brother, let's break up."
Lee Minghao's tears fell on Kim Seungmin's shoulder, for the first time unable to control his emotions.
Lee Minghao is someone who hides his feelings, unwilling to show even a hint of pain. He endures and restrains himself, trying desperately to hold back his tears and prevent them from spilling out. Kim Seungmin understands this and feels a deep sense of compassion for him.
Now, Lee Minghao is crying in Kim Seungmin's arms. Kim Seungmin feels heartbroken, but it's not the kind of heartbreak that comes from being lovers; it's more like that of a brother.
It was only after starting a relationship with Lee Minghao that Kim Seungmin realized his true feelings.
Kim Seungmin may have long since let go of Lee Minghao, perhaps the regrets clouded his heart, leading him to mistakenly believe that he still harbored affection for the person who had once stirred his youthful emotions.
Lee Minghao leaned against Kim Seungmin's embrace, filled with regret, confusion, sadness, and a mix of other complex emotions, which could only be transformed into tears.
"I'm sorry..."
Lee Minghao realized too late that he thought everything was still in time, that Kim Seungmin would never like anyone else. In reality, he was too arrogant. When he saw someone else by Kim Seungmin's side, he still believed he could win, without considering Kim Seungmin's feelings.
For Kim Seungmin, Lee Minghao has the infinite right to be accepted and forgiven. However, what Lee Minghao gives to Kim Seungmin is the constant demand to adapt to him.
Giving up on liking Lee Minghao is something he can adapt to; being in a relationship as a couple is also something he can adapt to. These are all Lee Minghao's assumptions, rather than Kim Seungmin's true desires.
Kim Seungmin shook his head gently and wiped away Lee Minghao's tears.
"Brother, you didn't do anything wrong. There's no need to apologize."
Missing the opportunity to love means it's truly missed.
Kim Seungmin looked at Lee Minghao's delicate face, gradually focusing on the two piercings in his right ear. Lee Minghao must have endured a lot of pain to get those piercings; I wonder if they ever get inflamed and uncomfortable.
Lee Minghao had always been a determined person; there was nothing he couldn't accomplish.
Kim Seungmin gently touched Lee Minghao's face, his tone calm. It turned out that true letting go was a serene detachment.
"Brother, take care of yourself. I'm leaving now. By the way, I actually didn't like sweets before..."
Lee Minghao watched Kim Seungmin's figure walk away, listening to the last note of the song as it faded, and covered his face with his hands.
"Han Zhicheng likes chocolate."
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