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"Then why did you break up with him?" Chen Siqi asked, confused. "You two seemed so compatible."
"No, not at all," I shook my head.
"Chen Siqi, you might not know, but I broke up with him because..."
"Because of me?" Chen Siqi pressed.
"No," I shook my head again. "It's because I didn't want to continue."
"Why?"
"Because I'm very scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Scared of Qian Fan being with Zhang Yue," I said softly. "I'm afraid they might rekindle their old feelings."
"They won't," Chen Siqi immediately replied. "I promise they won't."
"What can you promise?" I countered. "Chen Siqi, you really don't understand me."
"I..."
"I've been through a lot since I was very young."
I looked at Chen Siqi. "I've seen too many dark things, so I'm afraid to accept love from others."
"Why?"
"Because I always feel that the love others have for me isn't pure."
I said softly, "I always feel like I don't deserve love."
"Zixuan..."
"Chen Siqi, I know you're looking out for me, and I understand that you made those statements out of goodwill."
I smiled lightly. "But I don't want you to lie out of kindness."
"I'm sorry," Chen Siqi lowered his head. "I was really confused at that time."
"I've always hated green tea; I've suffered because of it in my past."
"So when I saw you with Qian Fan, it always felt very awkward."
"I think you don't deserve Qian Fan."
"So I made up those lies."
"I hope you won't break up with Qian Fan because of the lies I told back then."
Chen Siqi said sincerely, "I really know I was wrong."
"Okay." I nodded.
After Chen Siqi left, I closed my eyes and let my thoughts drift far away.
My name is Li Zixuan.
My mother's name is Secretary Li.
From her name, it's clear that my mother was my father's secretary before.
Later, they got married, but soon divorced.
However, I felt nothing about their divorce.
Because I grew up living with my mother.
In my memory, my father often didn't come home, and it was just me and my mother relying on each other.
When I was little, many beautifully dressed aunts who smelled nice would come to see my mother.
Every time those aunts left, my mother would hold me and cry.
I asked my mother why she cried, and she said it was because sand got in her eyes.
I didn't understand.
But I knew that after each time my mother cried, those aunts would no longer come to see her.
As a child, I spent most of my time sleeping.
Because my mother always held me and coaxed me to sleep.
She said children need to sleep more to grow taller.
When I slept, my mother would sit at the computer with a stool, typing away.
I asked my mother why she didn't sleep, and she said she was writing stories.
I asked what it means to write a story, and my mom said that writing a story is just making up lies.
My mom is a liar.
So, I won't believe any of her lies.
When I wake up, my mom always prepares delicious food for me.
If she has something to do, she will make the food in advance and put it in the fridge.
I tell my mom that I don't want to eat the food from the fridge.
She gently pats my head and tells me that she will be back soon.
Whenever my mom says "soon," it always feels like a long time.
So, I play with the kids in the neighborhood.
When I get tired of playing, I go home.
After I return home, my mom serves me steaming hot meals.
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