I supported him, and he supported me; I lost count of how many hardships we faced together. I took a bullet for him. He took an arrow for me. I fought alongside him through countless dangers. I gave him the best years of my life. My youth was spent in the military camp and on the battlefield. As long as Shen Moxuan does not drive me away, I am willing to stay by his side. I have never asked him if he has feelings for me. He has never said that he wants to marry me.
I remember when I was injured, he would apply medicine to my wounds. He looked at the scar on my forehead with gentle eyes and said, "Qing Yao, you are the most beautiful." I didn’t understand what beauty meant; I only knew that I was his deputy and the person he trusted the most.
Until I met Si Yuqing. At that moment, I realized what true beauty was. Si Yuqing's beauty was breathtaking. Standing gracefully, she was the epitome of perfection in this world. As I looked at her, I couldn't help but feel inferior. She smiled at me and greeted me.
She asked, "You must be Qing Yao?" I nodded, unsure of how to respond. She said, "I often hear Shen Moxuan mention you." I looked at Si Yuqing and remained silent. She continued, "Shen Moxuan often thinks of you; he always says you are alone and have no one to take care of you."
I said, "It's kind of him to remember."
Si Yuqing replied, "If you encounter difficulties in the future, feel free to come to me."
I responded, "Alright."
Si Yuqing is the younger sister of Si Jingyuan.
Since joining the Rebel Army, I have received much care from Shen Moxuan, who has even sworn brotherhood with him.
During the attack on Ping Sha Pass, Si Jingyuan was gravely injured while trying to save Shen Moxuan and ultimately succumbed to his wounds.
On his deathbed, he entrusted his jade pendant to Shen Moxuan and asked him to find his sister in Jinpu.
Before Brother Su's sickbed, Shen Moxuan promised to take good care of Si Yuqing.
Shen Moxuan brought Si Yuqing into the military camp and arranged for her to stay in my tent.
Whenever Shen Moxuan came to see me, Si Yuqing would quietly sit beside us.
While Shen Moxuan and I discussed military matters, Si Yuqing would embroider a sachet by candlelight.
Later, that sachet was pinned to Shen Moxuan's waist.
The Rebel Army had been stationed outside Yuyang Pass for over half a year but had yet to breach the city.
After a prolonged stalemate and with supplies running low, Shen Moxuan and I decided to lead our troops through the mountain path into the city.
However, this mission was ambushed; the Rebel Army suffered heavy casualties, and Shen Moxuan was hit by two arrows.
Han Yi and several brothers escorted the unconscious Shen Moxuan down the mountain while I led the remaining soldiers in a desperate charge, annihilating the ambushing forces and infiltrating Yuyang Pass.
Once inside the pass, I disguised myself as a peasant woman and waited for an opportunity to approach King Chengqing, plunging a knife into his heart.
King Chengqing was both wise and skilled in warfare; Yuyang Pass was easy to defend but hard to attack.
With the war ongoing, I could not stay by Shen Moxuan's side, but Si Yuqing took excellent care of him.
After we broke through Yuyang Pass, I removed my armor and rushed to Shen Moxuan's tent, only to find him and Si Yuqing embracing by the window, watching the snow fall with deep affection.
I once thought that with the country still unformed, how could one speak of family?
I also believed that Shen Moxuan's feelings for me were understood without words.
Thus, I willingly waited for ten years.
In the end, I found myself making a wedding dress for someone else.
That’s not quite right; my hands, calloused and worn, cannot hold a needle and thread.
What I can offer him is only the land stained with my blood.
After breaking through the capital, I urged Han Yi to head to Jiangnan to retrieve the Plum Blossom Brew that Shen Moxuan and I had buried together.
When I left home to join the army, Shen Moxuan and I made a pact: that one day, aside from the Foolish Monarch, we would return home together to share a drink.
Now, returning home is no longer an option, but we can still share the Plum Blossom Brew.
I had already begun to think of leaving the capital, yet I was determined to fulfill our previous promise.
During the days waiting for Han Yi's return, Shen Moxuan asked me twice what I wanted.
The first time, I felt an impulse to express my feelings to Shen Moxuan.
As a woman and the daughter of a general, I have always been straightforward.
I wanted to tell him that what I desired was him.
But just as the words were on the tip of my tongue, I swallowed them back down.
I was waiting for him to speak first.
I waited for ten years.
I suppose I can wait a little longer.
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