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墨書 Inktalez
Lin Xi said, "I wrote him an email before coming to your dorm, breaking up with him." She lowered her head, hardly daring to look into Qinglan's eyes.
"Why? Are you out of your mind?" Qinglan asked, confused and a bit reproachful.
"I..." Lin Xi murmured, opening her lips but at a loss for words.
"If you wanted to break up with him, why cry so sadly? Shouldn't Lu Chenyu be the one feeling heartbroken?" Qinglan truly couldn't understand her and felt a bit sympathetic towards Lu Chenyu, her tone towards Lin Xi tinged with reproach.
"But... what can I do if we don't break up? It would be even more painful not to." Lin Xi said with a melancholic expression.
"What pain? What's painful about being in love? You two have made such a fuss. Do you not love him? Or does he not love you? Why do two people who love each other have to make such a scene and end up breaking up? Are you just bored?" Qinglan said through gritted teeth, frustrated.
Seeing Lin Xi and Lu Chenyu making such a fuss, she felt truly heartbroken. She empathized with them; how she wished she could have such love. If An Shaojie could care for her even half as much as Lu Chenyu cared for Lin Xi, she would feel content, satisfied, and happy. But now, she didn't even know where he was.
"It's not just being bored," Lin Xi defended herself. "We always argue. If we keep arguing like this, even love will turn into resentment eventually. It's better to cut ties quickly than to suffer long-term."
"You two aren't even together; how can you argue every day?" Liuying asked curiously.
"On QQ," Lin Xi replied, sounding somewhat lacking in confidence, her voice buzzing. What a childish answer that was.
"You can argue on QQ too? Every day?" Qinglan found it even more unbelievable.
"Maybe it's because we love too deeply?" Liuying suggested.
She thought back to her own relationship with Mosen. In the second semester of their sophomore year, Mosen often had to go outdoors for sketching and frequently went out of town for internships, unable to accompany her. Because he wasn't by her side, she felt unsettled without him there, letting her imagination run wild. If there was a day without contact, she assumed he didn't care about her. When they did connect, she would express a hundred worries, asking if there was some girl with him or if he had forgotten about her. Was there a girl interested in him? Had he rekindled feelings for some girl in his class? She would bombard him with questions and challenges.
When he replied no, she would say, "Hmph, you're lying."
If he avoided answering, she'd say, "What's wrong? Am I right? Feeling guilty and can't answer?"
This often drove Mosen crazy. In the end, she'd inexplicably hurl sarcasm and sharp words at him, cry for no reason while feeling sour, and then explode in anger. It always ended with one saying "You're being unreasonable" and the other saying "Let's break up," resulting in mutual hurt.
Jiang Liuying asked Lin Xi, "Are you like this with Lu Chenyu too? Is that why you argue on QQ every day?"
Lin Xi's face turned slightly red as she smiled shyly and complained, "Yes. He always says he's busy. Just when we finally get on QQ and haven't chatted much, he says he has to go because of something urgent. When I call him, before we can say much at all, I hear someone calling him from his side and he says he has plans with classmates—going to play soccer or doing this or that—it's like my timing is always off."
"Ah, all men in the world are the same. So, you just explode at him like I do, right?" Liuying sighed.
"Yes, but every time after I get angry, even though he always calls back to apologize after finishing his own things, I still feel very sad inside. I know sometimes I am being unreasonable. No matter how much two people in love get along, they should have their own independent lives and space. But when we argue with him, isn't it because we love him and care about him? Why can't they understand that?" Lin Xi spoke to herself, questioning her thoughts.
At this moment, Qinglan, who had been silent, spoke up: "Hey, at least you have someone to argue with, and someone who apologizes afterward. You really don't know how fortunate you are. As for me, I can't even find a shadow of a person. What does that mean? No matter what I've done wrong, there should be someone to argue and fight with me. Instead, they just disappear inexplicably, leaving me confused and without a place to vent my anger."
"Yeah, that's true." Jiang Liuying patted Qinglan on the shoulder in comfort. Later, Lin Xi slowly shared with Qinglan and Jiang Liuying what had happened between her and Lu Chenyu during this time. Lin Xi said that just as Jiang Liuying described, every time she chatted with Lu Chenyu on QQ or over the phone, she always showed signs of anxiety. She speculated about who might be on his side; as soon as he answered her questions vaguely, she would ask if there were other girls around him and if he didn't want those girls to know he had a girlfriend, and so on. Each time she pushed Lu Chenyu to exhaustion, often mentioning breakups and never wanting to see each other again, which broke his heart. She knew what she was doing was wrong but couldn't help herself; it felt like she was torturing him and herself like she was going crazy.
A few days ago, on a drizzly afternoon, Lu Chenyu called Lin Xi and said he was walking alone in the rain and suddenly thought of many things. He said: "I was wondering if what we have is true love..." Before he could finish his sentence, Lin Xi hung up the phone. "I knew what he was going to say next, but I didn't want to hear it. I was afraid of hearing those words come from him first." So yesterday she wrote him a long email recounting many beautiful memories they shared together but mainly stated that she didn't really like him; perhaps she only liked the feeling of being with him.
"Today he called me and immediately asked what that email meant. I told him that was your meaning. Then he angrily hung up the phone." By the time Lin Xi finished this part of the story, tears were streaming down her face.
"You..." Qinglan turned her face away in anger, not wanting to deal with her anymore. "How can you say such things? You truly loved him; even if you're breaking up, you should sincerely tell him that you once loved him deeply. But instead, you say you don't really like him. Your ability to hurt others is quite impressive." Qinglan's words were laced with sarcasm. Lin Xi was left speechless by Qinglan's criticism; she lowered her head and twisted the hem of her clothes as tears continued to drip down her cheeks. Qinglan added: "You love him, and he loves you; how fortunate is that? No matter what happens in the future or how long this love lasts, if two people are in love, they should cherish each other well. If you love him and he doesn't love you back, then because you love him, you should give him your heartfelt blessing and hope for his happiness. If he loves you but you don't love him back, then we should sincerely thank him for all the love he has given us and for everyone who has ever loved us."
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