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墨書 Inktalez
Simple laughed heartily again and then asked, "So when do you plan to go home? You might find me at Chen Yang's place when you get back. How about I go with Chen Yang to pick you up at the station, and we can hang out in Provincial Capital for a few days?" Simple had unintentionally revealed her slowly blossoming happiness to Qinglan.
"Wow, the ugly daughter-in-law is meeting her in-laws? How blissful! So much to show off!" Qinglan teased Simple, while feeling a deep sadness within herself. Others' happiness was right in front of her, tightly held in their hands, while she felt completely devoid of happiness.
After showing off her happiness for a while, the two of them joked around before hanging up the phone.
As the New Year approached, even in bustling Beijing, there were noticeably fewer people on the streets than usual. The impending New Year's Eve did not bring more liveliness to Beijing City; instead, the streets appeared much more desolate and dreary than usual. One reason was the increasingly cold weather, which felt almost frigid. After several days of snow, all of Beijing City was blanketed in white. By ten in the morning, there were hardly any people on the streets, and after five in the afternoon, people mysteriously vanished again, retreating into their warm homes equipped with heating.
Another reason was that most of the people who frequented the bustling Beijing City were not locals. As the New Year approached, those wandering outside returned home to their families and friends waiting for them with warmth. Even though some young people had settled in Beijing and faced difficulties securing tickets during the busy Spring Festival travel period, they still chose to travel long distances home to celebrate the New Year with their parents and siblings.
Who among those wandering would wish to drift outside? Given even a slight possibility or opportunity, these wanderers would choose to return home. Especially during the New Year, a time for family reunions, no hardship could deter their steps back home.
With the departure of wanderers and outsiders, Beijing felt much emptier and colder.
On New Year's Eve, nestled under her blankets, Qinglan kept the lights off. Listening to the occasional sounds of fireworks and faint laughter from outside only heightened the emptiness of her room and her loneliness. For others, New Year's Eve meant reunion; for her, it meant separation. While others were doing everything possible to return home for New Year's Eve, she was racking her brain to come up with various excuses not to go home.
All of this stemmed from her past decision to disregard everything for love.
Thinking about this brought an indescribable sadness and anger bubbling up inside her.
She had always believed that she had willingly accepted this over the years, so she thought that regardless of the outcome, she would have no regrets or resentment.
She had always thought that her love was the most selfless and greatest kind—requiring no return as long as she loved.
She had always thought that her decision to give birth to this child was a calm and thoughtful one, and that she would not blame anyone.
Yes, hadn't she always loved him selflessly and without regret? Hadn't she always known that he had never treated her well since childhood, that he had never given her any warmth? Didn't she feel happy just seeing him joyful since they were young? In middle school and high school, when she had just begun to understand a little about love, didn't she resolve that as long as he allowed her to love him properly, that would be enough?
But at this moment, as the darkness of night enveloped her in loneliness and helplessness, as the cheerful songs from the Spring Festival Gala on the television echoed through the window, amplifying her feelings of abandonment, as she curled up in her blanket, even with the heating making noise, still hugging herself and shivering with cold, feeling icy all over, when the fetus in her womb kicked her belly painfully, her teeth slowly clenched tightly together.
At this moment, an infinite resentment and regret suddenly arose in her heart.
Love is always equal! There has never been a one-sided love given selflessly without complaint! Love is always about you and me intertwined! Love is not great or selfless; it is simply two people loving each other.
At this moment, Qinglan finally shed tears of regret! In the darkness, she sat quietly as tears flowed silently. Only in this darkness could she cry and release her resentment and remorse.
Yes, love only exists when two people are in love.
An Shaojie, I love you. I can possess you, but since you do not love me, how dare you take my love!
Qinglan suppressed her voice and shouted into the night.
An Shaojie, since you do not love me, you should have stayed far away from my sight from the very beginning. But why did you come back to stir things up just when I was gradually pushing you out of my heart and starting to accept Xu Wen? You gave me a glimmer of hope and a bit of fantasy, only to mess up my life completely before returning to your original indifference towards me—this time even worse, disappearing without a trace!
What do you think you are? Coming and going in my world as you please? If you hadn't suddenly interfered back then, I could have easily driven you out of my heart and forgotten about you.
You arrogant fool! Shameless!
I swear, I will no longer let you disrupt my life! I will completely drive you out of my heart and prove to everyone that it wasn't how deeply I loved you, but rather that I once thought I loved you deeply!
You once thought you could have me under your control, that you could hold onto me. From now on, I will prove to you and everyone else that you cannot hold me down. Not in the future, not now, and not in the past; you have never had me under your control. I will sever all ties between us—past, present, and future.
In the darkness, a sudden jarring ringtone startled Qinglan awake. She lifted her face from her palm and looked around. After crying earlier, she had actually fallen asleep with her head buried in the blankets.
The red light on her phone by the pillow was flashing; the ringtone was coming from it.
She wiped her face with her hand and picked up the phone. It was a call from her brother, Liu Jiawei.
She answered the phone with a simple "Hello, Brother."
"I am Father," came the deep and steady voice of Qing Shusheng.
"Oh, Father." Qinglan wiped the corners of her eyes, clearing away the last traces of tears. Yes, at that moment when she heard a family member's voice—especially the voice of Father, who had always cherished her and regarded her with pride—Qinglan finally felt a bit of strength and power within herself. She couldn't be sad in front of them. Their voices could stop her tears; she wouldn’t cry! "You're out there alone..." Although Qing Shusheng was unaware of her current lonely and helpless situation, his concern and worry were evident in his tone, which unconsciously became low and sorrowful.
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