"How is your mother?" Su Hailu finally asked.
"Well, she should be fine," he replied, turning his head. "I haven't been in touch with her."
"Why haven't you contacted her?" Su Hailu asked.
"Because she has no way to contact me, and I don't know what to say to her. She probably wouldn't care about me anyway." He seemed to have more to say but paused and ultimately stopped without saying anything further.
"Why wouldn't she care about you? Did you make her angry? Or does she not love you? Or..." Su Hailu seemed to have guessed the reason for her indifference, so her voice trailed off as she spoke the last part.
He didn't answer her; he seemed a bit heavy-hearted when the topic was brought up.
"Is it because she doesn't like me, right?" Su Hailu continued to ask.
"No," An Shaojie replied. "My mother is very kind; she wouldn't dislike anyone."
"Does she know about me?" Su Hailu asked again.
"She probably knows," An Shaojie answered.
"What does 'probably knows' mean?" Su Hailu questioned. "Does it mean you've never told her about my existence?"
"My sister knows; I told my sister, and she probably told my mother."
"Your sister?" Su Hailu suddenly remembered that he had a sister and asked, "How is your sister?"
"She's doing well," he paused before responding.
After a moment of silence, neither of them knew what to say next.
Su Hailu was not good at showing concern for others, especially someone she hardly knew. She tried hard to find something to say to make up for her neglect towards him.
"Does your mother not like me? Does she like her?" After a long while, she remembered that they hadn't finished discussing why his mother was upset, so she continued asking.
She knew that she was just trying to fill the silence. It was obvious that his mother liked Qinglan; did she really need to ask? Asking again was just an attempt to fill the void and stemmed from some unwillingness.
"I've said before, my mother wouldn't dislike anyone. She likes those who are good to me and love me even more; it's just that she has a special fondness for them," An Shaojie replied.
"Why is she special?" Su Hailu asked in confusion.
"Because my mother watched her grow up," An Shaojie replied, his thoughts completely shifted from the book to the conversation. It seemed he also enjoyed chatting sometimes, but only about topics that interested him. This meant that this topic was something he liked to discuss.
Thinking of this made Su Hailu feel a bit sad.
Wasn't he the one who never talked about her before? Even when she asked, he would remain silent or change the subject, rarely rejecting discussions about her.
Today, he seemed to be in a dreamlike state, talking about her as if reminiscing.
Lately, he had become increasingly silent. Was it because he was remembering her? Or did today's conversation remind him of her? Or perhaps their current chat was actually just his own recollection? Was he recalling the understanding and warmth between them while she played the role of a hypnotist, leading him into a dream where he remembered every little detail they shared?
"Then this is a condition I can never achieve no matter how hard I try, right?" Su Hailu felt truly sad.
It turned out that the connections between people are indeed predestined by fate. Some bonds are innate; even if you work hard to change your circumstances, you cannot alter the fated connections.
"If that's the case, you and she grew up together too, so you must feel more special towards her and like her more, right?" Su Hailu asked, staring into his eyes.
An Shaojie remained silent.
A long silence ensued. Silence is golden; silence is acquiescence. Su Hailu understood this principle.
"But what I saw back then was that she liked you while you showed that you didn't like her, didn't you?" Su Hailu exclaimed explosively.
"I never said I liked her, not even now," An Shaojie weakly defended himself.
Why was he so weak? Because after being apart for so long, even Su Hailu could sense that the person in his heart had always been her. The person involved knew better; he just wasn't willing to admit it. Thus, his defense naturally appeared pale and powerless.
"Not saying you like her doesn't mean you don't like her, does it, idiot?" Su Hailu's face was wet with tears. At this moment, she realized that An Shaojie did like her; he just never recognized it himself. "You’re killing me with this, do you know?"
Su Hailu rushed out of An Shaojie's room and back to her own room, running straight to the balcony. She gazed at the distant street view as sunlight bathed her in a warm orange glow, like a clear and transparent veil draped over her. The scenery beyond was a lush green vineyard where tiny figures resembling ants were bent over working in the fields.
She knew it was a grape vineyard.
When they first arrived abroad, both she and An Shaojie lived in the school dormitory. An Shaojie had discovered this vineyard near the school by chance and fell in love with the place. He often came here to work and chat with the farmers.
Later on, other international students found this place too and enjoyed coming here during their free time. An Shaojie met those students here and became friends with them, becoming a regular at the vineyard.
Later on, a few of the international students decided to rent this apartment together for convenience, and she moved here with An Shaojie.
She knew that every Saturday morning, he would drive out there, but she had never gone with him. She didn't understand what was so enjoyable about the sparse fields with only a few people scattered around.
However, standing on the balcony today and gazing at the endless green, she suddenly felt that the dense greenery held a mystery, as if it concealed an unresolved theme of life.
She turned and walked into the room to grab her bag, took out the car keys, and rushed out without even taking her bag.
As she left, she glanced at An Shaojie in the room; he was still calmly sitting there reading, as if he were the only person in the house.
Tao Yuanming's poem says: "Picking chrysanthemums by the eastern fence, I leisurely gaze at the southern mountain." For An Shaojie, even when sitting in the room reading, he remained at ease; the world he saw was more profound than the southern mountain.
Why was he always so calm in front of her?
Su Hailu felt a bit resentful. From family background to personal qualities, she should be far superior to him; it should be normal for her to appear more composed in front of him. Yet every time they faced off—oh no, even in their daily life together, even when walking side by side—he always seemed more composed and carefree, exuding a stronger sense of superiority.
Where exactly did she lose to him?
After going downstairs and retrieving her car from the garage, Su Hailu drove directly toward that estate.
The fifteen-minute drive quickly brought her to the estate. She parked, got out of the car, and walked toward the estate. Standing between the fields and looking out, she saw a sea of green before her. A gentle breeze swept through, causing the vine leaves to tremble lightly over the ocean of greenery like green waves rising and falling, extending into the distance.
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