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墨書 Inktalez
When An Shaojie slowly opened his slightly closed eyes, a tear fell down, followed by a second, a third... tears streamed down.
He was someone who rarely cried, preferring to bleed internally rather than shed tears, especially for anyone other than Bai Cuifang and An Shaomin. He wanted to hold back, but for the first time, tears betrayed his will, flowing uncontrollably.
Through his blurred vision, he could only see the gradually receding figures of the three of them and hear the laughter that filled the fields and mountains.
Their silhouettes slowly became indistinct, yet An Shaojie still refused to turn back.
His heart began to ache again.
After so many years abroad, he often recalled the past. Whenever his heart started to hurt, he would tell himself, "An Shaojie, why are you in pain? When you were by her side, didn't you constantly remind yourself that you never loved her? You wouldn't allow yourself to love her; didn't you never care about her?"
So back then, wasn't it you who didn't give her any chance and left her without hesitation? Didn't you hatefully tell yourself to make her suffer, to make her cry, to make her regret, to make her think of you and remember you painfully?
In these years abroad, he imagined countless scenarios of their reunion. Each scene was of her looking at him with tear-filled eyes as he walked away. Each scene had her shouting at his back, "An Shaojie, don't leave me."
It was she who begged him through tears not to leave her. Yet he was there with a beautiful girl on his arm, walking away.
But why was the current scene one where he looked at her retreating figure with tears streaming down his face as he softly murmured, "Lanlan, don't leave me."
And she was there with a lovely daughter and Xu Wen who loved her, holding her hand. They passed by him without arrogance or flamboyance but with indifference as they faded from his sight.
He hadn't returned home to witness this scene; he came back for her repentance, to see her in pain before him. This was not how it was supposed to be...
He shook his head in disbelief at what he saw.
"It shouldn't be like this..." he shouted loudly in his heart.
He ran towards the direction they had faded into.
Before him lay nothing but the thickening morning fog; he couldn't see anything but still ran wildly.
It wasn't until he collided with someone that he suddenly lifted his head.
"An Shaojie, what's wrong?" It was Bai Cuifang's voice.
"Mother." He called out with a timid voice he had never used before, a weak and trembling voice, almost on the verge of tears.
"What’s wrong, An Shaojie?" Bai Cuifang asked in panic as she supported the unsteady An Shaojie. Looking up again, she saw his face was pale, and whether it was tears, sweat, or mist, his face and hair were damp. Bai Cuifang's expression grew increasingly worried.
An Shaojie waved his hand and said softly, "I guess I haven't rested well since returning home a few days ago. I felt a bit dizzy just now."
"Oh." Bai Cuifang sighed in relief. "Then why did you say you wanted to go back to Beijing? You should stay home for a few days to rest before leaving."
An Shaojie remained silent and walked straight ahead. Bai Cuifang stopped him and said, "What’s going on? If you’re not feeling well, I can take you back." She was about to put down the bamboo basket she was holding.
An Shaojie stopped her and said, "No need, it’s not that serious. I just didn’t rest well and woke up early this morning. Young people can handle it."
Bai Cuifang took another look at his face; it didn't seem as pale as she had seen earlier and appeared much better. She nodded but still worriedly advised, "Make sure to rest well when you get home. Take a good nap and don’t run around anymore; there’s plenty of time to travel."
An Shaojie nodded and quickly headed home.
Even after he had walked quite a distance, Bai Cuifang continued to stare at his retreating figure in a daze. Just moments ago, she had seen Qinglan and Xu Wen walking ahead with Qingmei. After letting out a soft sigh, she turned and walked toward the vegetable garden.
An Shaojie's steps were hurried. He needed to hurry.
What he had told Bai Cuifang about being tired was partly true. But the main reason was that his heart had just experienced intense turmoil, leaving him feeling empty and weak, struggling to support his own body.
At this moment, he needed to get home quickly and lie down; he truly feared that he might stumble around like someone lost.
It turned out that strong emotions could be so painful!
When had he ever felt such strong emotions before? He always thought that even deep feelings could be hidden away, especially for someone like him who was skilled at concealing himself.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t experienced emotional pain; it wasn’t that emotional pain couldn’t reach him. Rather, she had never given him the chance to be hurt before. She had always been careful to protect his sensitive heart and feelings, always afraid of hurting him even a little bit.
In the past, she had been so considerate of him and cared about him deeply.
Now, she no longer loves him, which allows her to be so indifferent and carefree.
Thinking about her not loving him anymore, An Shaojie felt as if the entire world was collapsing around him; he had long been accustomed to her love for him, unwavering and devoted. He had never considered that she might not love him. In his world, there were very few people who loved him unconditionally, aside from Mother and Sister, the only other person was her.
He had never wished or demanded for many people to love him; he wanted so little, just her alone.
He had never required himself to love many people either; aside from Mother and Sister, the only other person was her.
His love was so limited, given only to her.
Yet she wanted so much; was it not enough for so many people to love her?
Her Father, Mother, Grandma, his Mother, Sister, Lin Xi, Lin Xi's Mother, Dad, and the Villagers, along with countless teachers and classmates from elementary school to middle school, high school, and university. Since she was a child, so many people had given her endless praise and admiration, treating her like a princess, afraid to hurt her even a little. And then there were Simple and Jian Ming—who didn’t like her? Most importantly, there was Xu Wen.
Xu Wen, I hate you for your unwavering loyalty to her! An Shaojie shouted in his heart. He thought that with such an ending for her, you would despise her and reject her, yet you still stayed by her side! How infuriating!
Not only did she want so much, but she also shared her love with so many people; she treated everyone so well. Most importantly, she still devoted her love wholeheartedly to Xu Wen as she did back then; the bond between them remained strong.
When he pushed the door open and entered, his face was pale, lips tightly pressed together, hair damp and hanging over his forehead.
An Shaomin looked at him with astonished eyes. He stood still as if he had returned to the past—the vulnerable An Shaojie who would become a furious beast whenever hurt—watching those around him with wary eyes once again appeared before her.
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