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墨書 Inktalez
"Brother, if you become the emperor, I will give you all the wealth of this world."
Sima Langye looked at An Jin's shining eyes and his earnest tone reminded him of a lighthearted conversation they once had.
"If we were both men, we would be good brothers for life; if we were both women, we would be good sisters for life; if..."
"What if one of us is a man and the other is a woman?" Sima Langye interrupted lightly.
The boy, who had been speaking non-stop, was momentarily taken aback and found himself at a loss for words.
After a long pause, the boy's face turned red as he mumbled, "If one of us is a man and the other is a woman, then we would become husband and wife, growing old together... But," he insisted stubbornly, "we are both genuine men! What kind of 'if' is that? It's settled then; if we are men, we will be good brothers for life. If you want some beautiful confidante or life partner, look over there—Sister Beauty is right there. Go find her..."
Sima Langye slowly took a sip of wine, pondering whether seeking you would lead to hell, Little Jin...
Why did he fall in love with someone so innocent and carefree?
So many women longed for just a glance from him; why was he so stubborn? Is love truly so difficult to attain in this world?
It was only because beneath his brilliant smile lay a deep-seated sorrow that was hard to fathom... Despite his stunningly beautiful smile, there was no trace of sincerity in his cold eyes. It was as if he lacked any essence belonging to this world, like a Divine Son who had departed from reality and would never return...
Just then, while enjoying delicious food with Yun Ying—potatoes with milk, scrambled eggs with tomatoes, spicy tofu...
Brother Three burst in energetically. With a stubborn gaze, he childishly tugged at my hand but reddened his eyes when I remained still.
"Firefly, let's run away. No matter what, I can't let you go to that place that devours people."
I remained silent and exchanged worried glances with Yun Ying, signaling her to continue eating. I instructed her to bring out another pair of chopsticks for Brother Three to join us.
Brother Three continued to look at me with eyes full of grievance as if abandoned by his master.
I sighed and set down my chopsticks. Such a stubborn child.
Run away? Hmph. Where could we escape to in this vast world? Besides, nowhere feels like home; none belong to me. What difference does it make whether I run or stay? It’s merely moving from one cage to another.
"Stay, and perhaps you can fulfill... why not?"
I asked lightly, "Brother Three, have you ever seen a kite in the sky with a broken string?"
Brother Three looked at me in confusion, his face full of questions.
"A kite with a broken string cannot be caught because it belongs to no one and nowhere. It can only drift with the wind, flowing with the waves... rising and falling." I said softly.
I turned to look at him seriously, reaching deep into my heart. "Brother Three, I am that kite with a broken string. Do you understand?"
Brother Three gazed at me, looking so aggrieved that it seemed he might cry.
"Brother Three, I'm tired. I'm really tired. You should go..."
"Brother Three, believe me, one day you will be famous throughout the world... and have everything."
Brother Three paused in his steps, lowering his head in grievance. "But everything... doesn't include Firefly... what use is that? It would be better to—"
He didn't finish his sentence, and it wasn't until later that I understood his words...
In a dreamlike haze, I seemed to see Sister Beauty's radiant smile, and then I saw my elder brother's diamond-like dark eyes. They appeared to be riding the wind, drifting aimlessly in the misty space between heaven and earth, gradually moving further away from me. I felt like a drowning person, sinking deeper and deeper without any floating wood to grasp onto; no matter how desperately I struggled, there was nothing to hold on to... utterly lost... my heart filled with panic. I opened my mouth to call out, but no sound came forth. Countless bubbles rose before my eyes, suffocating me...
Everything flickered in and out of focus in the dream—sometimes real, sometimes illusory... Finally, I saw Sister Beauty smiling at me, her smile heartbreaking. From her clear eyes like autumn waters dripped drops of blood tears. She coldly said to me, "Little Jin, you killed me..."
I felt a jolt of clarity and wanted to call out to her not to go, but she merely smiled disdainfully before turning away without any hesitation...
Suddenly, I felt my body trembling uncontrollably, burning with anxiety and pain piercing through my heart.
Just when I thought I was exhausted and about to die from the pain, a cool liquid flowed into my parched mouth as if it were nectar. I greedily swallowed several large gulps, finally managing to open my eyes.
What came into view was a youthful face—wasn't it Yun Ying's worried expression?
"Miss, Miss... It's alright, it's alright, it was just a nightmare..." Yun Ying took a damp towel and gently wiped the cold sweat from my forehead and face. She softly smoothed my hunched back, but her face was stained with pity and faint sobs. I knew that the only person who would always be by my side was her. This companion who had grown up with me.
I blankly wiped away the tears on her face and said softly, "I'm fine."
She leaned in and hugged me, choking back her tears as she said, "Miss, you need to take care of yourself."
"Yes, we both need to be well. Yun Ying, we are each other's only family."
"Miss—let me get you a bowl of Eight Treasure Porridge. You look too exhausted."
I touched my feverish forehead; I had a fever last night and had fallen into nightmares that nearly kept me from waking up. I forced myself to get dressed, and the dim light of the bronze mirror reflected my haggard face and shattered spirit.
I walked to the basin of water that Yun Ying had prepared for me and scrubbed my face vigorously, trying to wipe away the useless Xie Weiying. From today on, I would not live for anyone else; I would live only for myself.
Xie Weiying is not An Jin. An Jin is not Xie Weiying.
They have always been two separate people.
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