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墨書 Inktalez
Time passed swiftly and quietly, yet who knows what will happen with the remaining time? Everything is merely a continuation of nightmares, another form of extension and diffusion...
Who says The Other Shore is flowerless?
I began to recall my life in the modern world intermittently. Graduating from a prestigious university with dual degrees in English and Design, I was fortunate that I was not completely useless here. I have always been an independent person since childhood, with clear goals and a stubborn, strong character. This is also a result of being born into a martial arts family, where I practiced diligently. My parents educated me well; they respected me but never spoiled me. When I chose to attend an art school, others in my family opposed it vehemently, unable to understand my decision. After multiple failed attempts to persuade me, they scolded me for being unworthy and bringing shame to a martial artist. My parents faced all this with a smile, enduring the pressure to allow me the freedom to pursue the life of my dreams.
As a child, I once saw a red dress. At first glance, I fell in love with it as if under a spell; it resembled a Red Spider Lily, vibrant and almost otherworldly. It became an obsession planted deep within my soul that I could never shake off. This nightmare intertwined with my growth and was the reason I insisted on attending art school.
The Red Spider Lily, also known as Manjusaka, is said to be the flower that guides souls—a flower unique to the underworld. It is rumored to grow only in the Yellow Springs, the sole scenery along that path. The beauty of Manjusaka is ominous, associated with disaster, death, and separation. Yet even knowing this, I found myself hopelessly enamored by those dreamlike flowers that were darkly vibrant—red as fire, as poppy, as blood, as poison...
Just like love.
"Miss, Osmanthus Green Tea." Yun Ying carefully presented a cup of hot tea to me as I lay languidly on the bench. Ever since I fainted for three days due to an old ailment resurfacing, they now anxiously followed me around whenever I got out of bed, fearing I might fall again without anyone noticing.
"If it weren't for Master Sang that day, Miss, you would have—sniff..." This has become the routine performance by Yun Ying and Xiao Quanzi these past few days. Even Xiao Bai, who usually indulges in "feminine charms," has taken to nestling in my arms daily, whining pitifully and refusing to leave.
In truth, at that moment, my heart felt like it had died... I don't know why such strange thoughts crossed my mind; I didn't really like Brother Sima. Although I often joked about liking him, I never took it seriously; in my heart, he had always been like an older brother... Why did hearing he was an emperor provoke such a strong reaction? In fact, during this month of recuperation in bed, I've pondered this question repeatedly. In Yun Ying's eyes, it seemed like I was becoming somewhat dull-witted; she even went so far as to ask Old Buddy if I'd become foolish after that fall. I admit I often spaced out, but that was just me silently thinking!
Could it be that I truly liked him? The possibility sent ripples through my heart like an explosive revelation. But I'd rather not have ever felt this way.
Could An Jin ever fall for an emperor? What a ridiculous joke!
Moreover, how could an emperor who possesses three thousand beauties from across the land possibly take notice of me? Even stranger is that I've always dressed as a man; we were brothers who played together and drank together!
How laughable! The very thought of it makes me feel absurd. This isn't at all like An Jin who possesses all the wealth in the world. Not at all like An Jin who doesn't care about anything. Therefore, any thoughts that shouldn't arise will be crushed before they can even begin to take shape!
I remember my first boyfriend; we met in college. At art school, I've always been solitary. Although my approach to clothing coordination and design concepts was often unconventional and bold in classwork, in reality, I've never cared much about dressing up. Wearing only black and white tones daily may have been stylish but came off as monotonous and bland—something I didn't mind at all. Yet Zeng Cheng—a notorious playboy who thrived among women—took an interest in me; perhaps he had grown tired of delicacies and suddenly found charm in simple fare. Zeng Cheng was well-known on campus for his handsome looks and charming smile coupled with his privileged background; meanwhile, I was infamous for being the "black widow," perpetually wearing a gloomy expression and speaking little—my only distinction being academic excellence. No one could fathom why such a playboy would be interested in An Jin—not even myself.
In our junior year, he declared on the school forum that he would win my heart within a month; ultimately, he succeeded after enduring a month of rejection followed by another month of mockery and silence. With unmatched patience and extraordinary gentleness combined with quiet concern for me over three months, we finally held hands while walking around campus—though we still looked mismatched on the surface—we became quite the sight.
When love blossomed deeply between us, I once asked him why he chose me; he would always smile lightly while holding me close and softly whispering in my ear: "An Jin, you are special."
I gave him my first time; for someone I loved deeply, there was nothing I wouldn't do for him—even though afterward it hurt so much that I could barely get out of bed the next day. That night he kept asking for more from me; surprisingly enough for someone who never spoke of love before—he whispered softly into my ear: "An Jin, I love you."
For a girl, the first man she has a sexual relationship with is often unforgettable.
Just like me now, I still can't forget. Moreover, at that time, I foolishly fell in love with him, wholeheartedly. So when I came here and met someone similar to Huan Wen, although there was a fleeting moment of attraction, I still kept my distance and maintained a respectful distance.
Just as I couldn't forget that he was my first man, I also couldn't forget his betrayal. Ironically, while he held me in bed and professed his love, he was inevitably indulging in the arms of other women.
I never deliberately paid attention to his flings with other girls; I merely responded to his feelings as a dutiful and virtuous girlfriend. Yet, there he was in his apartment, with another woman... and I happened to catch them while I went to cook for him. Watching the entangled couple on the sofa in the living room, I felt surprisingly calm. I quietly closed the door for them without crying or making a scene, silently carrying the fresh vegetables I had just bought from the market as I left the apartment. At the trash can at the corner, I swiftly tossed the bag in and lightly brushed off my slightly dirty hands. Just like that, a relationship ended without any waves.
Although later he waited downstairs at my apartment pleading for my forgiveness, even kneeling down to beg—such a proud man, so full of vigor—kneeling before me asking for my pardon. I wasn't unmoved; however, in that fleeting moment, all my feelings were sealed away by a hard armor.
I know my nature has always been like my preference for black and white: it appears warm and plain but is actually cold and indifferent. Although I loved him, the part of me that refused to be hurt again would no longer easily give away my feelings. If I couldn't have the best, I'd rather not have anything at all.
I think it's the same with Sima Rui.
However, it's a pity for this body I've come into; clearly beautiful as a flower, almost stunningly so, yet it happens to be possessed by someone as unambitious as me. But speaking of which, I've actually gained something; coming here not only made me a beauty but also a genuine virgin. The modern An Jin may not be ugly but could only be considered pretty and charming. At this age, if I hadn't come here, I might have already been a mother in modern times.
Xie Weiying's lifestyle is what I aspired to be in modern times—a clever and cunning woman who is also beautiful and full of surprises. Living life on her own terms without relying on anyone's power or begging for anyone's warmth or expecting anyone's affection... achieving everything she desires through her own efforts—that's what true An Jin should be... It was only upon arriving in this strange place that I found the courage to take risks and pursue everything.
"Sister," a familiar charming voice called out from afar, and I instantly knew who it was. "Sister looks so relaxed." Sure enough, a graceful woman dressed in luxurious silk slowly approached me.
I took a light sip of Clear Tea and said, "Yaya is here." One hand unconsciously stroked the smooth fur of Little White.
She hadn't visited Jiu Nian Xuan for quite some time due to being favored elsewhere but started appearing occasionally after hearing that I was ill. She became a regular here again.
Since I've been claiming to be unwell outwardly, everyone in the harem soon learned that the beautiful Miss Xie Family was a sick beauty who had been ill for years—pretty but useless.
Although I didn't have any way to inquire about how she was doing, I knew she was living well and genuinely felt happy for her. However, once I learned that Brother Sima was the emperor, things felt strange.
Suddenly recalling what I'd overheard behind the rockery that day made me want to find an opportunity to tell her. I'd thought about warning her not to be too ostentatious but knew that she wouldn't listen while indulging in vanity; she might even suspect that I was jealous of her favor. All I could do was remind her repeatedly to be careful—especially not to provoke Consort Wang.
She merely responded lightly with indifference; I knew that due to Consort Huan's influence over these past few months, the emperor had favored her greatly. Yet no matter how much favor one receives, an emperor wouldn't concern himself with a consort's life or death out of mere whimsy. Thus, many women in the harem had turned into mere shadows and vanished from existence.
"Sister, how have you been lately?" Seeing her deliberately showcasing her jade bracelet and unable to hide her pride and satisfaction told me that recent imperial favor had made her rise among the harem's favorites. Those who once looked down on her and bullied her were now scrambling to curry favor with her. Having endured hardships since childhood and finally reaching this point naturally made her feel elated. I understood but knew others might not comprehend it.
I looked up and smiled gently at her, "It's the same as always. This body makes it so that even getting out of bed to walk a bit has Yun Ying talking too much."
Beside me, Yun Ying shot me a glance without any courtesy and said coolly, "Miss, if you talk about this body, it's because you don't cherish it yourself. You deserve it."
I could only smile wryly; this Yun Ying clearly had no respect for me as her master. Yuhua also giggled charmingly, covering her face with her hand, clearly enjoying the banter.
I raised my hands in surrender and pleaded, "Please, Yun Ying, spare me. After all, I am your master. Don't make me lose face in front of Yaya."
"Well, someone has to realize their faults and change," she replied.
"I will change, I promise." As we chatted, Xiao Quanzi had already poured a cup of Osmanthus Green Tea for me. After all, there were several tall Osmanthus Trees in the courtyard. If the materials are available, why not use them?
"Haha." Yuhua laughed with a charm that seemed to hold a thousand emotions. After taking a sip of tea, she continued, "This tea is really good."
"If you don't mind, I can have Yun Ying send some fresh ones to your courtyard."
Yaya immediately beamed with delight and threw herself onto me, acting spoiled as she said, "I knew you were the best to me, sister."
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