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墨書 Inktalez
"Why? I just want to know why you left, why you didn't acknowledge me, why you made it impossible for me to find you?" Under the arrangement of Old Buddy, we were alone in the Yiran Pavilion by Autumn Moon Lake, enjoying tea. However, before I could even settle down, a barrage of 'whys' nearly overwhelmed me.
At that moment, my thoughts lingered on the name of this pavilion—Yiran. It sounded so familiar; why was I so sensitive to such a strange name? Normally, I wouldn't be surprised by poetic names like this for pavilions.
Yiran? Soo Ranran? I felt I was beginning to grasp the crux of the matter. Now all that remained was to find that infuriating Old Buddy and make him admit some truths I deserved to know. For instance, how did a man from the martial world know someone as prominent as Xie Yushi, a high-ranking official in the court? Why did he treat the neglected Fourth Miss Xie so well? Was it really just a coincidence that he taught me martial arts? Why did he often stare blankly at my face, even when I was dreaming or fast asleep? I knew he stayed by my side every night, gently stroking my face and gazing at me… Why was it that I now had so many questions? How could that Old Buddy dare to hide these truths from me?
Just as my anger was about to erupt, I finally stood up, ready to confront Old Buddy for answers. Suddenly, a hand grabbed my arm. I turned in shock and saw an injured face before me. It took a moment for me to regain my composure and remember why I was here today.
"What are you doing? Two grown men pulling at each other like this?" I awkwardly pulled back my arm from his grasp and said with embarrassment.
Sima Rui gazed at me with a hint of melancholy, creating an odd atmosphere between us.
"Why?" It was only today that I realized how stubborn he was. Had I known earlier, I wouldn't have provoked him. But I'm not a god; how could I have known he was the emperor?
I withdrew my hand and finally said calmly, "You are the emperor."
His expression showed surprise. "How do you know?"
I walked to the side of the pavilion and looked at the pond filled with lotus flowers in various shapes and forms before speaking. "Sister Dan Yi told me everything when she left." Turning back to gaze at his face—a handsome one with strong lines, a firm jaw, a high nose, sensual thin lips, and those unfathomable eyes—I continued, "Including that you are the emperor and she is a princess of Xianbei."
I lied; in reality, Sister Dan Yi had only revealed her identity as a princess of Xianbei, which meant she was also a princess of Yan. She had expressed concern about Brother Sima but merely said to me with worry, "He is someone of high status, Little Jin. Promise your sister you'll stay away from him; I'm afraid one day he might hurt you."
At that time, I didn't understand Sister Dan Yi's concerns until I entered the palace and unexpectedly encountered him. Until he truly hurt me and my heart began to bear scars, I finally understood her words and their meaning. I should have kept my distance from him long ago. Yet fate is strange; we always seem to meet when I least expect it.
His tone turned bitter. "Is it because I'm the emperor that you left me? Is that how it is, Little Jin?"
I maintained my calm demeanor. "Yes."
"I don't understand."
"You certainly don't," I scoffed lightly. "I knew from the start that you and Sister Dan Yi were extraordinary people. But who would have thought… I'm An Jin, born into humble beginnings—a mere little ruffian playing around in Jiankang City. I'm not worthy or qualified to be brothers with you."
"Little Jin, I don't care. I don't care about our differences. Can't we just be brothers or friends? I thought if I hid it from you and you didn't know, everything would be fine. I'm just afraid—afraid of scaring you away." He seemed lost for words. Was this really the person I'd come to know in the palace? There was no coldness in his voice; instead, there was a hint of pleading. Which side of him was real? My confusion deepened, and I dared not probe further into his complexities.
I suddenly knelt before him, respectfully saying, "Your Majesty, it would be best to return to the palace soon. This place is filled with many rogues from the rivers and lakes, and unexpected incidents may occur. Please consider your own safety and the well-being of the people of Jin State."
Seeing me like this, his expression turned cold, as if he found it hard to accept. "Little Jin, you—"
"Brother, this is Little Jin's last time calling you that," I lowered my head deeply, lowering it even further until I could no longer see the sadness on his face or the unknown liquid that suddenly welled up in my eyes. "Please forget about our brotherhood at the Friend Gathering Pavilion that day. I did not know you were the Emperor and have offended you greatly; I ask for your forgiveness." With that, I resolutely turned and left.
"Is it because I am the Emperor that everything has changed, Little Jin?" he asked softly from behind, so quietly that I thought I might have imagined it.
I nodded. "Yes." I suppressed my sobs. "However, please rest assured, Little Jin will always remember what was said that day and will uphold it." The scene flashed in both our minds simultaneously; I had boldly declared to him, "Brother Sima, if you are the Emperor, then Little Jin will give you all the wealth of the world." At that time, we were free from any secular constraints and identity troubles. There were no reservations...
Sima Rui sat there in a daze, watching Little Jin's figure fade away. Why was it like this? Wasn't finding him supposed to lead to joyful embraces and celebrations of reunion? Wasn't finding him supposed to mean everything would return to how it was before? Wasn't finding him supposed to allow for a determination to disregard everything? Wasn't finding him supposed to mean seeing him smile happily every day, playing and having fun together? Wasn't it...
Why was it like this? What had changed? Was it something he did wrong or simply because he was the Emperor? For the first time since his birth, Sima Rui felt disgusted by the throne he had fought so hard to obtain. He hated being an Emperor and wondered why Little Jin would come to despise him.
Yet he always believed that in this world, Little Jin was different. Even knowing he was the Emperor, Little Jin still dared to speak loudly with him, joke with him, still dared to act spoiled with him, still dared to drink with him, recite poetry with him, and visit brothels with him. He never feared him and never intended to leave him. Had he been wrong?
If I were not Xie Weiying, then at this moment, whether you are the Emperor or a god, I would not leave you or deny you or sever our bond.
After leaving Yiran Pavilion, I went to Crown Blossom Pavilion to find Old Buddy; perhaps he had something to say to me.
As I pushed open the door, I saw him standing there bare-chested as if changing clothes. He seemed surprised when he turned around and saw me enter without knocking. I felt no shyness or desire to avoid his gaze; instead, I stared intently at his well-built physique. It was hard to believe that beneath those long robes he usually wore lay such a fit body—defined abs and no excess fat around his waist. Though his skin was fair, he did not have that frail look typical of pretty boys. I knew my expression was far from what a proper young lady should display; however, I was dressed as a man and was indeed a man! What was so shocking about a man looking at another man's body?
Old Buddy blinked in surprise but quickly regained his composure. He continued dressing slowly and casually as if nothing had happened; there was no sign of embarrassment or panic on his face—his serene demeanor often made me wonder if he truly was human.
"Have you seen enough? Wipe your drool," he said gently in a light tone. Immersed in his beauty, I reflexively followed his words and reached for my chin; it was clean and dry—damn it! I had been played again.
He chuckled softly; given how beautiful he looked, I decided not to hold it against him. Hmph.
We sat across from each other at the table. He looked at me warmly but seemed puzzled by my presence; after all, under his arrangements, I should have been with someone else.
Noticing my disgruntled expression, he asked, "Are you upset that Master acted on his own?"
"Hmph," I huffed a few times. "It's good that you realize your mistake; however, I'm not here for that."
He looked at me with confusion in his eyes. "What is that for?"
"Yiran Pavilion. I don't know why you chose such a refined name; it doesn't seem like your style. Oh, Old Buddy, do you know what name suddenly came to my mind when I saw this? There are many things I should know. Don't tell me you are nice to me out of pity, or that my beauty made you fall in love at first sight." I said casually.
The phrase "fall in love at first sight" made his expression change slightly, but he remained calm as ever. I looked at him without any politeness and said, "There are some things I believe I have the right to know, like how someone clearly hates the officialdom yet has a friend who is the current Prime Minister, or how someone never takes female disciples but can't seem to get rid of someone who insists on teaching me martial arts, and so on." I glanced at him. "You wouldn't really want me to list them all out for you, would you? That would be a waste of time."
He stared at me for a long time, then reached out to gently caress my face, which was momentarily dazed under his tender gaze. He looked at me, his gaze gradually becoming unfocused, as if he were looking at me but also not looking at me, seeming to see through me to another person.
While my mind was racing with chaotic thoughts, something warm and soft suddenly covered my cold lips, gently sucking and nibbling. At first, I enjoyed this warm kiss, but then the thought that I was merely a substitute for someone else dampened my spirits. My instinctive response became stiff, and the movements on my lips halted. I knew he sensed my discomfort.
He released me, his gaze hazy as he looked at me, moisture swirling in his eyes like a deep lake, an unfathomable whirlpool that almost pulled my soul in. As I stared into his beautiful eyes in a daze, he suddenly removed the mask from my face and stroked my cheek while murmuring, "Ranran, Ranran...". Looking at him pained my heart; did he truly love that woman so much? After all these years, he still couldn't forget her and could only find solace in someone who resembled her—his daughter.
After a long time, he came back to his senses. He looked at me with a calm expression and suddenly covered his face with a long sigh, as if feeling guilty. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Firefly."
I stroked his hair and softly said, "Old Buddy. I'm not her; I'm not Soo Ranran."
Finally, he lifted his head to look at me and sighed. "It's time to tell you some things—a story from long ago."
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