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墨書 Inktalez
"Have they come to find you?" Sima Rui asked with a faint smile.
I glanced at him sideways, wondering why he cared. "So what if they did? Didn't you just banish them from the Frostfall Palace shortly after they left?" It was strange; his new consorts were simply upset that he spent so much time here with me, thinking I was the favored one. It was quite normal for them to come and stir up trouble, yet he had reacted with inexplicable fury, driving them all out of the palace and reducing their status to commoners.
This incident had caused quite a stir in the palace. With such a trivial matter, he openly declared my special status within the court, and it was no exaggeration to say I was "favored."
In no time, everyone in the palace knew my place in his heart, and no one dared to disturb me anymore. Even in Jin State, rumors began to circulate that their emperor had fallen for a woman who resembled the late Empress Zejin... There were all sorts of bizarre tales, some so ridiculous they made one blush. Some even claimed that the emperor's deep affection had moved the heavens, sending down a Nine Heavens Goddess to take the place of the deceased woman by his side. Others said I was a reincarnation of a spirit or that I had borrowed a corpse to return...
I didn't care much about those rumors. What mattered to me was that the Frostfall Palace, which had been bustling with visitors, had returned to its former tranquility. I couldn't help but wonder why Xie Weiying had chosen to live in the Cold Palace for so long; perhaps it was precisely because she wanted peace and solitude...
Yet, an insurmountable chasm lay between us, leaving a faint distance and unfamiliarity. I couldn't remember him at all—not even a little. Moreover, I felt no emotional response to everything he had done for me. I didn't know what was wrong with me.
Every time I asked him why he treated me so well, he would simply reply, "An Jin, those are all things you deserve."
He never told me that since my departure—since he believed I had died—he hadn't touched another woman. Not once. There was only one occasion when he encountered a palace maid named Jin Niang; he couldn't help but hold her as he fell asleep because it allowed him to openly call out "Jin..." He could let himself show vulnerability and indulge in thoughts of her.
But just days later, Jin Niang was found drowned in the lake. Though he knew the truth, he had long since grown indifferent to the power struggles among women in the harem. Besides, Jin Niang wasn't Little Jin; she wasn't her, so he felt no lingering attachment.
However, he made an exception and honored her as a beauty before giving her a proper burial. He also ensured that her family would have a secure livelihood.
I looked at this calm and reserved man beside me, feeling something strange in my heart.
He tolerated my coldness towards him; he allowed me to express my opinions freely in court—many of which he adopted. He accepted my malicious teasing and my daily insistence on sending him away each night.
I lied to him about remembering many things; he didn't refute me. But I knew deep down that he was aware of my deception, yet he willingly let himself be deceived. Sometimes I felt that if I asked for his life, he would give it without hesitation. Yet still, I remained unmoved; I couldn't bring myself to treat him well.
Except for those rare moments when I caught glimpses of sorrow hidden in his eyes—those fleeting pangs of pain in my heart were unsettlingly addictive. Yet more than anything else, there was confusion.
"Little Jin..." he suddenly called softly.
I turned my head to look at him curiously and replied, "Hmm?"
"Who is that person?" he hesitated before finally voicing the question that had been hidden in his heart. "Can I know who that person is? The one for whom you would give up your life?"
I was momentarily taken aback, but then I realized he was referring to An Yijun... I replied calmly, "The most important person in my life."
His expression dimmed for a moment, but he quickly raised a somewhat bright smile.
"Then let me protect that person with my life as well. As long as it's someone or something that matters to Little Jin, I will care for it with the same feelings you have."
"You..." I looked at him in shock; he really didn't have to do this.
"Little Jin, let me take you somewhere." He smiled at me.
"Okay..."
It wasn't until we arrived there that I began to feel a sense of unease. For some reason, ever since he led me into that house, which was completely different from the palace, my heart had been aching, and cold sweat broke out. It felt like I had a bad memory associated with this place... or something? The further we went inside, the more frantic my heart became. This place felt so familiar, yet I couldn't recall why.
Jin Garden.
A pot of wine, a small boat, two people laughing by the riverside, drifting between Heaven and Earth; enjoying blooming flowers in spring, basking in the cool breeze of summer, gazing at the crescent moon in autumn, watching the falling snow in winter...
A small red wooden house... a long bridge leading to the center of the lake... two people leaning on each other...
Suddenly, chaotic scenes flashed through my mind. My palms were sweating, and I felt dizzy. I shook my head vigorously; the pain in my head was intense, and my steps faltered.
Sima Rui looked at Little Jin beside him, who suddenly turned pale and seemed weak. He noticed her steps hesitating again and again, her face shifting through countless expressions. Seeing her in such distress pained him as well. However, recalling Li Jiu's words, he thought that perhaps if he brought her to places that held indelible memories for her, seeing those familiar scenes might help her remember.
Though he didn't voice it aloud and tried to convince himself otherwise, selfishly, he hoped she would remember him—even if it was just a little bit. Even if what she remembered were his flaws or his cruelty, he still wished for her to remember him because her indifference and distance from him hurt him more deeply. He would rather she hate him than choose to forget him.
He steadied himself and forced himself to grip her already damp and soft hand tightly before resolutely moving forward.
I felt a strong force emanating from his hand, compelling me—who had already chosen to retreat—to continue moving forward.
The journey had been incredibly difficult. I felt as if my entire body was going limp. Yet, I forced myself to confront it, to think. I hoped I could remember, and then understand the truth behind Hidden.
I trembled as I followed him up the wooden steps, finally arriving at the door. He glanced at me with concern, noticing my pale complexion. I managed a weak smile in return before he pushed the door open.
I thought I was indifferent; I believed I could handle it, that nothing could truly move me...
But when I saw everything in the room, that unfamiliar yet familiar portrait of the young man...
Every vivid expression of the charming Peerless Youth, every detached yet captivating smile...
Suddenly, it felt as if my mind had been struck hard, a heavy weight pressing down on my nerves. I struggled to breathe; darkness enveloped my vision, and it felt as though my soul had vanished...
Why does it hurt so much? Why does it hurt so badly... It hurts, it hurts...
I lifted my head and shouted towards him, but I couldn't hear or see his smile, a smile that seemed to offer relief... My heart was blind, my eyes were shut, and my ears were deafened...
A powerful vortex of darkness suddenly swept into my thoughts. There was no escaping it. I let out a strange chuckle before my body fell straight back...
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